Transformation

The only reality I know is that of transformation through pain.
There must be discomfort for change to happen.
Pain is always present, sometimes it's numbed but it's ever present whether you choose to change and grow or stay the same.
Your personal pain might manifest in the form of self judgment, insecurity, jealousy, hatred, greed, self destruction, obsessions, compulsive disorders, illnesses, etc.
When negative thoughts about yourself or others arise think twice and analyze, try to get to the root of it, there might be an underlying reason, you might be experiencing suffering and masking it by criticizing and judging those around you. If everyone invested their complete energy into loving and cultivating their mind, body and soul there wouldn't be room left for judgment and criticism. Love yourself, don't worry about what others are doing, it's not your business and you don't have any control over it.

Love is what we are, what we share when we give of ourselves,
when we feel with our hearts.
Love is you, being still, in the present,
love is what we experience when we appreciate our soul and that of others

We are all artists, we are all able to create. I am a Poet because I have chosen to be. In one form or another most people can do the same, they can turn a negative into a positive if they choose to. We, writers, have figured out how, we have created a style, a pattern of thought, we have experienced so much emotion, we have felt so much, we have drowned ourselves in desire, in want, in love, so so much that we invented a form of expression, an art, a way to illustrate our experience, to share it, to empty it into something other than ourselves, for God knows it's too much to be contained within us.

It took a long time to get here, to find my place, to create a world I'm happy with, a place I'm comfortable in, a space where I can be my entire self in.
I'm feeding from good sources, I'm creating with love, I'm thinking positively, I'm loving myself, cultivating inner beauty and health.
The outer appearance is the manifestation of what's going on inside, you can see poetry in my eyes, on my skin the glow of a divine love perspiring.
I'm the most patient person I know, probably because I ruminate so much, I think twice, three times before I act. I practice remaining still, keeping my thoughts calm, silencing desire, frustration, anxiety.
I'm blessed to be able to exercise my relentless, persevering determined will power to achieve anything and everything.
I have figured out how to use my body, mind and spirit, and so can you. Practicing compassion, patience, forgiveness, creates peace, eliminates stress, generates love.

I let go of my worries and impulsive thoughts of today to create what I want to become.
My past fuels me with strength and knowledge but it also interferes with today, which is why I must feed on the wisdom it taught me and let go of the bad habits I picked up because of it. So in spite of the painful experiences and impulsive habits that come with having a past I choose to move forward overcoming all that I feel is negative, ignoring all non productive desires, leaving behind all the comforting habits and plunging into the future with everything I've got.

Now lets go to work!

A.M

Two days from now

The bittersweet moment
When I watch your body leave
Aware I'll feel your absence
Within thirty minutes of you leaving
Knowing that I'll start to crave you
In about two and a half days
That's when I'll begin to go insane
Wondering where you are
What you're doing
Where you been
"Do you think you could ever be mine?"
I am yours, love.
"You're mine now"
Could you ever be mine, only mine?
"Yes"
And I can't follow with nothing else
I can't make promises
I can't lie and pretend I know
That forever is in store for us
But I hate to watch you leave
It hurts to see you go
I'm dreading two days from now
For my heart will start calling
My body will start asking
My mind will begin to go crazy
Wanting to see you, hear you
Smell you, taste you, feel you
"I hate to leave you"
Then stay!
"Two days from now
I'll meet you wherever you are"

A.M

Sovereign

I can feel it coming
A breeze rustling the leafs
A wind whipping the branches on the trees
I can feel the air swirling at my feet
The men throwing petals on my grave
Seeing me wave goodbye before I walk away

I can feel it in the air
A cold chill enveloping me
They're prophesying a love
A man that has been waiting
And creating
Cultivation his soul wealth
Preparing his heart for me

I can feel it coming
In the faces of the men
In the lips I kissed
I've tasted traces of forever
Of a divine nectar
And each hand that touched me
Was missing a nerve
A fearlessness
A passion
A surrender

And every heart I loved
Could not contain me
Their souls failed to sustain me
Their minds didn't stimulate me
So I reclaimed sovereignty
To create, to inspire, to seek
A beauty that can reflect me
A hand that can hold me
A soul that recharges me
Refills me with the love I give

Sometimes I find this man inside me
I pray to him to strengthen and guide me
And through my struggles he loves me
He grips me by my heart
He takes ahold of my soul and inspires me
And that's when I know I'm sovereign
Complete with god's love inside me
And I realize that all I'm seeking is within me
Ready to teach and motivate me

Thank you, Soul
Thank you, God,
Thank you, Heavens
For waking me early
For blessing me with purpose
A gift, a talent
That pleases and teaches
That loves and reaches
The broken, battered fighters
The seekers of beauty and light
Thank you for the potential
To grow and enlighten

All I need I have
All I seek I am
All I love loves me

A.M

In and out of bliss

The sour taste
Of everything you can't have
The sweet flavor of satisfaction
Without promise of tomorrow

The fear causing desperation
The impulse to leave
With or without you
My soul is moving on

To turn away
To forget
To exclaim, "I don't need you,
I can live without you"

As the years fly by
As I get older
Goodbye gets easier
And colder

Can I live with you
Do you fit my future
With your past ghosts
And feelings and hurt
I suppose no one will
No one but a baby
Comes with no scars

Can I live with who you are
How you think
What you do, what you say
How you operate
Can I survive in your world
The way you love
Am I happy with what you give
I don't know

And the sour taste in my mouth
The bittersweet memories
Of an assassin, a double agent
I wonder if it's really you
That I'm giving my love to
Or a lost wolf
Using my soul as refuge
Are you hiding inside me
Am I paradise to you
Do you vacation in my heart
Am I your escape from "hell"

I binge on impulsive thoughts
I wonder if I should tell you
Makes me sick to forget you
I wonder if you can see
The road is ending

But it must be done
I'm brushing the sour taste
From my heart
Your sweet flavor from my tongue
I don't need it
I can live without it

A.M

Is it Love

Is it love
If you can't shout it
If you can't claim it
Is it love
If you must keep quiet
Savor the moments
And lock the memories
Inside your heart's locker

Is it love
If no one knows
If you're a wanderer
A kindred spirit
A unicorn
Is it love
When you write it
When I create poems about us

Is it love
If you can hear it
Streaming from the heart
When we lay and talk for hours
And I welcome all your stories
For I love to hear your voice

Is it love
If you can touch it
When I feel his nude skin
Grazing my naked body
When my lips are glued to him
And we're enfolded in each other

It is love
When you can absorb it
When his energy enters me
Through the palms of my hands
When I massage his skin
It is love
When you can taste it
When I savor his lips
As a divine meal
And eat love when we kiss

It is love
When you can bathe in it
When he invigorates my soul
Melting into me
Deep inside my spirit
It is love
When you lose your head
When he's moaning away
Loving me so hard
He gets lightheaded

Is it love
When the odds are against us
When there are fighting forces
Is it love
When we're both beloved
Harassed by obsessed lovers
Is it love
When we're both broken
Battered by our past
Drunk from old emotions

It is love
When we contemplate our future
Our tall athletic daughter
With big green eyes
And a beautiful behind
It is love
When we compare our past disasters
And find humor in our tragedies
Is it love
When we don't lust for sex
But make love beneath the sheets

Is it love
When I feel rejuvenated
When your legs are weak and shaking
And you trip over my things
Is it love
When we find it all amusing
Compose songs about our loving
And laugh like we're little kids
Is it love
When you share your past adventures
And let me deep inside your head
Is it love
When you tell me everything
When we find beauty in anything
And you never want to leave

Is it love
When you inspire me to grow
In the spiritual and the practical
I create thinking of you
Is it love
When you're deep inside of me
Dwelling in my future
And I don't want you to leave

It is love

A.M

Stop the Pain

If you think you know it all, you've seen it all, you've felt it all, then it's time to empty your cup and start over, for it probably means that you've accumulated too much bullshit that's blurring your vision, clouding your feelings and depriving your living.

You don't have to ingest the stress and suffering of slaughtered animals to build muscle, you can be a vegan and build as much muscle as you want, it just takes proper nutrition and hard work.

It is a myth that you must eat meat to develop muscle, you don't have to harm your mind, body and spirit. Meat from slaughter houses have deadly antibiotics, cancerous toxic chemicals, stress from the tortured animals that can wire you for stress, and suffering that is absorbed by your soul and takes from your humanity and sensibility. Eating meat from animals that lived under stress and died in agonizing pain takes from your mental, physical and spiritual health. Attain peace of mind, spiritual health, a heart filled with joy, a stress free life. Make the choice! Watch the documentary "Earthlings" it's free on YouTube, it will help you start eating healthier.

Respect the Soul

The soul is graceful,
free, enlightened,
the soul is pure, energy,
flexible, sensible,
the soul is loving, compassionate, beautiful,
the soul is the artist in you.
Awake to your soulful existence
and experience life without ego,
without guilt, without fear,
without hurt, without pride.
Selflessness is a gift
you give to yourself,
it saves you worry, it cures stress,
to give without expectancy of reward.
I love you
and I don't need you to love me
but simply to accept that I love your spirit in spite of your mental struggle.
I love you and I forgive you
for judging me.

A.M

Take Flight

You don't need to be an angel to have wings,
you don't need wings to fly,
I fly with no wings, I fly without body.
The more you judge yourself and others the more you ground yourself.
You're no different than anyone else.
There's no such thing as young and old souls,
that is like saying that one drop in the ocean is older than another.
You're not better or more precious than any other being.
We all have the same soul quality, we all share the same potential.
I am not an angel because I've chosen to cultivate my artistic,
compassionate, spiritual side, I am just like everyone else,
with the same ability, the same brain, the same soul.
Don't let anyone tell you any different,
you are a pure spirit made of love and light and you can do with it whatever you like.
Your ideas, your perception, your habits, your discipline makes you who you are.
Be strong, be love, be the best you can be!

A.M

Heaven's Plan

Waiting for the day when my desire to succeed in this world
surpasses my desire to go home.
Waiting for the day I'll embrace this existence
and the souls trembling around me.
Will there ever come a day when I won't long for the unknown,
the mysterious, my eternal home.
Animals, humans, tortured, killed,
emotional, physical, spiritual illnesses, unnecessary famine,
greed, preventable diseases, sick egos.
Take me home, these humans don't want a healthy world,
they simply want temporary relief and satisfaction,
unawareness, superficial happiness.
Take me home!
And then my father says,
"Don't you worry, don't you worry, child, see heaven's got a plan for you"

Keep your faith,
there are few but enough of us to change this planet into a compassionate world,
there's enough of us to bring peace and love to the lonely,
the blind, the dark hearts.
Stay positive! Heavens' got a plan for you!

A.M

Be Love Able

In my heartbreak I chose love, compassion, unconditional love, I chose God and faith and purpose, and that comforted my heart and made me a refined soul. It's not about the people who come into our life, it's not about what they do, how they act, it's about how we react, how we treat ourselves everyday. If you choose love you'll grow rich in love, and a rich soul is never lacking love. When we love ourselves and others we don't crave or need anyone, any love, but love is attracted to us from every corner of the world, souls recognize our ability to be love and embrace our spirits with pure love and light. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to love a fool, it made me even more lovable. I'm stronger, healthier, inspired and intolerant to sadness and negative behaviors or persons. Learn from your struggles, move forward with your head up. Don't hold grudges, leave those who you've hurt, leave those who have hurt you. Move forward, love yourself first and foremost! Be sovereign!

A.M

Follow your Heart

“Talents are best nurtured in solitude, but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world”

I was born an artist, we all were.
Somewhere while I was developing, growing, I chose to see the world with compassionate love. I've been writing poems since I was six years old, it's the way I express my passion for life, how I describe the beauty I see and experience. I choose to see and cultivate the love in everyone I meet, I try my best not to judge myself and others. I stay away from pessimistic, judgmental personalities, for those who do not love themselves will always bring you down with their self hatred. I am blessed, I am loving, I am Amanda, Beloved Poet, Hardworking Athlete, Caring Friend, Loving Daughter and Compassionate stranger. My present and future is blessed with joy and serenity, I fear nothing and I steer clear of fearing souls, for they not only deprive themselves of love but dim your spirit too. Be yourself, follow your heart!

A.M

Entertain Peace

I'm not here to critique, to judge, to argue and debate.
I'm here to love, to be fearless, to follow my heart and inspire you to follow yours.
I'm not preparing to do anything, I'm doing what I came here to do.
I am loving, I am being loved, and there is nothing to affirm, there is nothing to protest,
there is nothing to prove or protest.
I am here to create, to share beauty, and so are you.
We live in a world where the privileged are the most judgmental,
where those who were given everything criticize and put down the ones born in struggle.
This snobbish behavior creates fear and separation between souls,
this lack of humanity and compassion hurts both the privileged and unprivileged souls,
creating violence and retaliation.
You want to help the world? Quit being scared, stop judging, start loving.
You're not better, you're not worse, we're equal.
The illusion, the ego delusion, the materialism, the need for unnecessary luxury are killing the animals, the forests, the people.
The destructive fearsome ego is destroying the planet,
creating war and catastrophe.
Follow your heart, be love, be fearless,
save the forests, save the people, save earth.
Let the God inside you rule your heart.
Create positive energy, don't repeat the negative actions you see around you,
don't praise destructive behavior,
don't scorn, don't criticize, let the bad energy die, don't give it life.
Focus on the love in your heart, on being the best you can be,
let your divine existence reign.

A.M

Challenged Sovereignty

"Anyone can combine words so that they rhyme,
But you are the reason that we talk at all."

My soul attracts yours,
I like being close to your spirit,
It embraces me and gives me love.

"You make me happy, I enjoy my time with you"

So stimulating, so warm, so soothing, so delicious....
Ahhh...I can taste it, feel it, smell it,
Though you're not here, you're in my senses.

"You make me feel like a man when you kiss me"

Let the poetry begin, spring from my soul, pour out of my heart,
Perspire through memories and fantasies to come.

"I am a tough shell to break"

The spirit is pure light, my soul enters as it pleases,
Without scarring, without hurting, without breaking.
The mind may make you believe you are limited,
You may think you're tough,
But your spirit is pure love and I dance inside it.

"I think you and I were meant for each other,
But in the future"

Our kiss, our lips fit so well,
Napping in your arms,
Waking up in a hot embrace
Making love hard and deep and sweet.

And as he gets dressed to leave he says,
"I'm leaving town, as soon as I get this job,
You can come with me if you want"

And all my responsibilities come to mind,
All my worries, insecurities surface,
And my heart tightens with the thought
That someday soon will be the last time
I'll feel his touch.

"Would you come with me?
Would you move?
You wouldn't, would you?"

My love and beauty is for healing,
I take none on my journey.
I share my soul while traveling,
Shifting through this existence,
Shining my light into the hearts
That allow an opening
For love to enter and inspire.

"A rich man will find you,
He'll take you away from here.
I'm lucky, I'm just a lucky man
Who gets to have you right now"

If my love resonating inside your heart
For the rest of your life is luck,
Then you are lucky.

"I wish I could buy us plane tickets,
Take you away to Paris,
Stay at a luxurious hotel,
Buy you the best dinner,
Show you how much I appreciate your presence"

The bittersweet pleasure and confusion
Of a touch that takes you outside yourself
And into the essence of someone else.

Our insecurity and fear
Makes us look with judgment and disbelief.
We must shut the mind to see with soul,
Bringing art into life
And turning life into art.

I won't say that I miss you,
I don't have the right to ask you to stay,
I can't even say that I love you,
I just know that we fit so well,
So good when we're together.

I'll probably go out of my way
To see you, to hug you,
To kiss you, to taste you,
To dress you in beauty once more.

And no one can blame me for loving,
For being weak with lust,
But I know that I may be punished
For wanting what belongs to another soul.

A.M

Sovereign

The stronger I become
The less tolerance I have for weakness
The more strength I build
The less patience I grant to the weak

As I grow more compassionate
I strongly despise judgment
As I love unbiasedly
I pity those who feel discriminately

As I achieve sovereignty
I become disgusted by fear
As I follow my heart
I can't bare those traveling lost

And my impatience
My intolerance
My disgust
Is there to set me apart
And make sure I don't get off course

A.M

Surrender

I walked you out
I kissed you goodbye
I saw you walking away
How can you still be here
Inside me

I feel a quiet peace
A stillness in my mind
A calmness in my heart
Oblivious to the noise outside
My soul is still
My thoughts are you

My heart begins to beat again
I feel your absence
I'm aware of my loneliness
I guess this is what it feels
To fall
This is what it feels
To have half a heart

You're here
On my sweaty skin
On my smudged makeup
In my messy hair
And I can't get myself
To wash
To clean you off

My face warms to your touch
My skin glows when we kiss
My hair loves the pull of your hands

Your spirit enters my body
When you make love to me
I tremble, I melt in rapture

My flesh, my towels, my bed sheets
Everything smells like you
You're here
You're everywhere
You've touched
Everywhere we made love

You're here
You're in me
In my soul
In my heart
In my thoughts

And
I'm allowing
I'm welcoming
I'm surrendering

I'm loving
I'm loving
I'm loving again

A.M

New Love

You say you like my company
That you smile when you're with me
You look forward to seeing my face
And you really like my kiss
You say I'm a nice girl
And you'll be a good boy with me

I'd be naive to believe
And I know I shouldn't see you
Shouldn't let you in my life
With the baggage that you bring
I'm going against my principles
Curiosity has the best of me

We haven't spent much time alone
But we talk and laugh when we do
You're interested in my thoughts
When I talk you listen endearingly
And you don't rush to touch me
You respect my space and body

We've been on a few dates
I'm learning about your demons
I let you talk most of the time
While I stare into your eyes
You said you wanted to kiss
So I gave you the opportunity

I was suspended in the air
As your hand took ahold of my neck
Running your fingers through my hair
You gripped me softly and pulled me in
Caressing my face
You parted my lips with your thumb

You brought your face to my face
Lifted my arms above my head
Held my face with both hands
And kissed me tenderly, patiently
I leaned my body against yours
And let you swallow me whole

That was our first kiss
One of many that night
Since then I've seen you again
We drove to a beautiful park
The stars were out, the air was chilly
You held me tight and kissed me

I love the smell of your neck
The softness of your hair
Between my fingers
Kissing, caressing your face
Your tender, luscious lips
I can never get enough

Anticipating our clothes coming off
Feeling your warm body against my naked skin
Waiting for the moment your hands will slide up
And down my entire body
Pressing, caressing, holding, savoring
Kissing every inch of me

A.M

Knowing, Desiring, Fantasizing

When we love
The simple knowing, desiring, fantasizing
Is enough
To know love was exchanged
To desire memories gone
To fantasize future encounters
To remember touching hearts

The light of your spirit shining into my life
Your eyes glowing looking into mine
Your naked body opening in a smile
Your firm touch relaxing my tense body
The weight of your stress on my breasts
Pressuring my chest, opening my heart again

Your scent on my skin, your sweat on my pillow
The flavor of your kiss on my lips
Your essence resonating sensitivity
Your echo presence between my legs
Giving me goose bumps still
The tiredness that reminds me
You were here, all day, all night, you are here

This desire that lingers with me
The knowing, desiring, fantasizing
But if I never see you again
I won't be wanting, I won't be needing
For when you were here
I possessed you completely
I gave it all, I took it all

Love, light, illusion
Heart, soul, mind
Body, limbs, legs, arms
Belly, breasts, nipples, neck
Nose, lips, tongue, eyes, ears
Elbows, knees, nails, hairs
Every part, every organ, everything

I gave it all, I let you in
With love and caution
You felt my heart and gave me feeling
My entire being consumed completely
Everything, everything
I opened up, I shared with you
Everything, everything

I gave and I took
Gave love, took spiritual burden
Gave kisses, took mental worries
Gave body, took physical pleasure
Gave touch, took lasting emotion
I gave and I took
Gave what was mine and took what was yours


And if I never see you again
I won't be wanting, I won't be needing
For when you were here
I gave my all, I took it all
I fed my hunger, satisfied my pleasure
I took what I wanted and let you possess me
Completely

And if I never see you again
I'll live satisfied, knowing, desiring, fantasizing
I'll live content with the knowledge
That I resonate inside your body
With the desire of pleasureful memories
With the fantasy that makes me believe
I made love with you


A.M

"I am" Not Yours

Some see souls as shiny objects
Ready to be possessed
They try to buy your spirit
Strive to attain the essence you transmit
They use their resources
To get inside your body
To add you to their belongings

And then they come across my heart
Shining, glowing in the darkness
Emitting light, professing love
And they say, "I must have her,
I need to possess her"

And they fail in their quest
To trap an image
To hold a soul
In their tiny slippery hands
Perspiring cold sweat
And fear and hurt

They fail miserably
While trying to hold
Pure light, pure love
In decomposing bodies
In broken ideas of affection
They fail miserably
While trying to chain me
To reflect me as their own

You see, my love
Is made of Ishtar's soul
It burns with divine presence
Hands and mouths
Could never hold or taste
The miracle that is "I"
Eyes and minds cannot see
The revelation that is "I";
Realized spirit!
Born of Ishtar
Blessed by consciousness
My love blinds the fool

"I" cannot be owned
"I" shall never be possessed
For "I am God"
Manifested in a body
Of beauty and infectious affection

A.M

In Insecurity Lies The Eternal

We are history repeating itself

Now battle scarred we try again

To be the winner in this deadly game

Well, I can only speak for myself

I`m tired, fading like picked flowers

A ghost of war, of a time pride was glorified

And I played your heart like monopoly

Buying your bullshit and selling my soul

To spite you, to make you hurt

And in that I was victorious

For a little while or so

Until you caught on and changed your heart`s address

After you left I fought again, and lost again, and again

The kind hearted men

But also the selfish self destructive martyr

I`ve wasted years trying

Gained wisdom but grew cold with the lessons

I`ve stopped fighting

I watch now, watch their dreams die in the cold war

From a lonely, scared place

Where I claim to be fearless but I`m really afraid

Afraid I can`t let go

Afraid I won`t ever love the way I loved your heart and soul

Afraid of the pain, the bittersweet memories of me and you

Kissing in the park

Holding hands in my car, gazing into your cold blue eyes

These memories come to life

Rage war inside me, the fierce passion, the drunk love

If I listened to logic I`d be married by now

With a daughter and two sons

I`ve picked names for them all

But I`m unsure if they`ll ever be born

I`ve chosen the place I want to settle

But don`t know if I`ll ever make it home

For I refuse to play the game

I`m done fighting and pretending this is working

We are history repeating itself

And I want to stop this deadly cycle, but I can`t

I can`t stop this wheel from turning

These people from cheating their chosen path

Breaking their sworn vows, deserting their loved ones

Divorcing their soul health

And I will stay out of this war game for as long as I can

Even if you`re still playing in it

Losing yourself with random women

And maybe when you`re done fighting

You'll look for me again

Find me, love me, and hold my hand



A.M

Power

The power of letting it be
The strength to accept
Life as it is
And not as you think it should be

The power to change
To cultivate your awareness
To succeed spiritually
To become a full being
Filled with emotion and dreams

The power to be
Great
Giving
Forgiving

The power to love one another
To wish love upon each other

The power to see
Deep inside your soul
The power to heal and move on
The power to create, to mentor, educate
The power to desire, to dream, to inspire
The power of your hands and your sweat
And your blood
That's who I am
That's who you are
That's what we are together

Powerful

A.M

Echoes

Echoes of past dialogue,
Shadowed by a past lover,
Your presence continues
To follow my emotions.
Memories of the past
Won't let me enjoy the present,
How can it be any different?

I get what I want
But It’s never enough,
So I chase you around
Through my life’s playground.
And you seem to be calm
But inside you are raging,
Bottled emotions, unsatisfied lust,
Unfulfilled fantasies stuck in traffic.

You had me, don’t need me,
Long to deceive me,
So the past becomes the present
And the present the past.

Unawareness blinds us,
Keeps us busy projecting an image.
I tried my hardest to forget,
I moved away,
Accepted a fiancée,
I dreamt a new love,
Traded truth for security.

But why kiss lips
If not the most perfect?
And why hold hands
If not the warmest?
Why go through life
Without letting you know
You belong to my soul.

Our past consumes our love,
Stirs up hate in our blood.
I need not be near to understand,
I get what you don’t want me to know.

And when they hold me
I feel your grip,
Where they loved me
I’ve only been once or twice,
Don’t really care for attention
If not that of your eyes.

So If you don’t care
Than I'm not flaunting,
No need for a spotlight
If you’re not looking.
Can our love make it through
The affairs, the abuse?
Then let the dreams
We conceived breath,
You’re killing me
In dreams of the past
In present disguise.

I reach for your hands,
Cling to your smile,
And wish for a present
With you by my side.

A.M

When I'm Loving You

My expression changes
Everytime I think of you,
My mind changes
When you say you want me too,
My heart changes
When I admit to loving you,
My soul changes
When you want to see me too,
My life changes
When your arms surround me,
My feelings change
Every time you leave without me,
I change
From loving to not so loving.
My soul burns
In flames when I entertain
The thought of us together again.
My heart changes,
My mind changes,
Life changes,
When I'm loving you.

A.M

Out of Sight

To love a man without vision,
To fancy a mind that can't envision,
To want a heart of numbed emotions,
To feel a soul that's been silenced.

To know passion,
To have experienced pure love
With a man who chases his tail.

I'm out of time,
Been out of lies,
I only deceived you
To leave you,
Thought I could escape from feeling,
Thought you'd always hurt me,
Thought this love could destroy me,
And it did, for a while it did.

I met with sorrow and regret
When I realized I shouldn't have left.

I stopped running,
I started focusing,
On the real things--
The love in my heart,
The plants in my garden,
The foods that heal my body,
The dreams that fuel my passion,
The friends who knock on my door.

My blood,
My family,
My talent,
My purpose,
My fitness,
Strengthens my faith in a cure,
That I can live free of wanting you.

When I think I've ran you out of my mind
You appear in my heart,
Gently resting in my soul,
Charming enough to make me write a poem
And listen to songs that commemorate us.

Tattooed in my soul with the few hearts I know,
You're here with everything I've seen
And all the things you showed.
I keep it all inside me in case you ever ask to see.
From time to time I pretend to move on,
For everything I want and love lies inside a closed soul.

A.M

Lagrimas de Sangue

"Love is sad, sympathetic and respectful."
"Passion is joyous, confident and in the moment."

Then you are passion and I am love.

You let me know,
You didn't want me to need you,
So I freed myself
And now I dont need anything anymore.

You miss my warmth,
You miss my touch,
You miss the intensity
Running through my body.

My consciousness,
My chestiness,
My love for art,
My perseverance,
Always drives you back.

My affectionate nature
That taught you so much,
My touch anywhere, anytime,
My love, my tears,
Always ready to forgive.

I miss everything,
I want to share anything.
I'd meet you in hell
To feel your gaze penetrate
My eyes, my heart, my soul.
To taste the nectar of your kiss,
Your firm hands around my body,
Your fire inside me.

I'd go the distance,
I'd travel far,
Mentally, spiritually,
I'd give everything
For moments of joy
Beside your body.

You fueled a passion
That is now in embers,
You inspired timeless poems,
Your proud ideas and standards
Taught me discipline.

You awakened a desire
I cannot put to sleep,
With you or without you
I live our fantasies,
Practicing for our meeting.

I'd take any direction
If it meant meeting you,
But you don't need me
And I don't need you,
So we'll wait it out
Until we're lonely enough
To be rescued by someone else.

A.M

Within my heart...

Within a heart filled with love,
Within a boy misunderstood,
On the edge of adulthood,
On the path to unveiling a purpose,
I met you.

In between rights and wrongs,
In between art and wrongdoing,
In between passion and career,
I met you.

In between a friend inviting you,
In between champagne and beer,
In between me looking confused
And you being tall and handsome,
We met.

In between your seductive eyes,
And our ability to laugh,
In between me driving you home
And your hands meeting my thigh,
In between passionate kisses
And my hands pushing your hands away,
We met.

On the edge of insanity,
Swimming in an ocean of fire,
Out of breath,
Trying to surface for air,
To get burned again,
I left.

The ones we thought were better
Are now a fantasy we can live without,
We no longer desire their touch,
Though in a drunken night,
An ex-lover can be of service.

In between our lips meeting,
My heart met you,
In an exchange of light
I became addicted to feeling you.

Your touch ignites a flame,
A fire that consumes my heart,
My soul embraces you
And fuels a desire
That could swallow us whole.

You stirred passion,
You inspired my pen,
In a real way,
I learned to compromise,
I learned what it is to want to please,
To want make someone happy.

This undying desire to feel you,
This spring of loving feeling,
This peace I found because I loved,
This desire that won't give in.

This fantasy I want to realize,
Even if it hurts me,
I want to touch your skin,
Come close, hold me,
Lift my spirit.

With you I experienced the ups and downs,
The struggle of trying to hold on,
The understanding that taught me
To accept, to forgive, to give freedom.

With you I learned to write
For the broken-hearted,
The young hearts-disappointed,
The ones who fell into love
Believing it was perfect,
Never knowing perfection themselves.

With you is where my mind is,
It's where my body wants to be,
With your fiery body,
And your fierce attitude,
With you, only with you.

A.M

Running You Out

Under moon lit skies
Brilliant white diamonds
Fold into black clouds
I sit beneath the elegant moon
Perpetually veiling our eyes
With the help of the sun

With a lover by my side
And friends that come by
During the day or in the night
I make time to work
To run the pain out

Inside it's quite beautiful
I've build a nice place in my soul
It's even peaceful, I'm very grateful
I don't have to do anything
For anyone, at any time
At the expense of my soul

It's an ineffable freedom
That carries me from city to city
From country to country
From town to town

The beauty concentrated in your heart
Draws me closer
Lures me, carries me distances
Mentally, physically
Your beauty drives me

This art of loving
I'm having the pleasure of learning
Reassures the most vulnerable parts of my soul
Without it I am nothing
With it I am content with being nothing
And loving everything

For nourishment- In search of beauty I go
Never stopping, never quitting
My quest for physical freedom
My peaceful ideas
No pride, no ego, just love
Daring, fearless, passionate, I go

Beauty fulfills, it completes, It gives purpose
To existing and communicating
To loving and forgiving
To sharing and saving
To sacrificing for the ones we love

If you learned to use beauty as a drug
If you took a hit of it every time you were down
If you had a shot of it when you were upset
Uninspired
If you had a fix of beauty
Every time you felt unhappy
Life would be a different proposition

I run my heart out, I run the pain out
Under the moonlight
In the middle of the night
In my head or in a park
I run you out of my heart

Under the burning sun
Inside a crowded gym
In the streets of Philadelphia, I run
On Kelly Drive, Up and down Fairmount Park
I run you out of my heart
Skin sizzling, pores sweating, I run
Till what made me frown Makes me smile
Till the thought of you
Makes me break out in laughter

Till the endorphins feed the cravings
Till I feel you pulsing in my chest
Till I don't have to leave my house
To feel you
Till You becomes "we"
Till I'm content with running
And improving "me"
I run you out of my heart.

A.M

Reflection

You'll always find me
Exactly where I want to be,
You'll always see me
Fighting for what I believe.

You'll always catch me
Excusing myself to see you,
You'll always know me
As the one who won't quit.

Among the strong and stubborn,
I hold hands with the compassionate,
I walk with the supporting,
I welcome the sensitive.

Connected to the wild,
The weird, the free spirits,
The creeps, the hurt,
The wounded, the healing.

I spend my days learning
To do more than just talk,
To write as much as I think,
To educate my mind and body.

I train with warriors,
Who kill weakness,
Who bleed it out,
Breathe it out,
Sweat it out, love it out.

I wonder how much I'm worth,
How much I can get for a diamond soul.
How on earth can one know
If what they learned is enough.

I wonder if it matters,
How many houses you had,
How many cars you kept,
How many dollars you spent.

I wonder if I loved enough,
Men and women,
Did I give enough,
Without being asked?

Did I selfishly,
Blindly walk the streets
Looking for nothing
But my own satisfaction?

Could that be why I never found it?

You'll always find me
Exactly where I want to be,
You'll always see me
Fighting for what I believe.

You'll always catch me
Excusing myself to see you,
You'll always know me
As the one who won't quit you.

A.M

Can love lie?

Who are you whom I love?
Can love lie
How do I attain peace loving?
Why must I feel the anxiety of a thousand men?
The agony of a defeated army in my chest
The desperation of a million slaves
With no chance to escape
My hands and feet chained
To a heavy trunk of hope
Unable to move
My mind weary, eager to resolve
The purpose of a love foregone

Where are you my love?
What do you wait for?
Take the little life I have—it’s yours
The magic of my soul, I render to you
You asked what I demand
What I want, desire, expect from you
I want nothing you cannot give
And everything you are willing to share
I want your fierce heart, my God of war
Your noble soul, my Spartan warrior
Your caring hands touching my soft face
Your loving arms embracing my waist
I want your warm body wrapped around me
Fainting, melting, intertwining
I want your heart
No more, no less, than what I give returned

Who are you whom I love?
Why must it hurt so much?
The pain of a hundred blades
Cutting through my flesh
The longing of a thousand women
Crying for their dead children
Why must there be leaving?
Why can’t my heart lie?
Can there be a happier life
Without you by my side
Without your footsteps on my soul
Without your handprints on my body
I’m not the woman they love
I’m a ghost
Not sleeping, eating, feeling
Loving but one soul

Where are you my love?
My letters remain unanswered
My kind gestures ignored
My offerings refused, left untouched
To rot outside your door
Knocking hopelessly, awaiting a relief
For your sickness
Your birthright, your troubled fortune
Dooms us all who try to touch you
Who are you?
Can love lie
Why must you leave?
A love as pure as mine

Come away with me
We haven’t much time
God’s wrath falls upon us
Nature’s fury reaps cities
Our time together, destined but short
The clock began counting backwards
Only a couple years of loving
Before the clock strikes goodbye
Time is racing, the days are shorter
The nights are torture

Come to me, I stand still waiting
In the same cold place you left me
Without your warmth I am frozen
Come, ignite me with your light
Renew me with your touch
Rekindle the fire that is us
Take my hand, walk me through infinity
Accept love-give me the solace I long for
Come claim the beauty that is yours
Let me crown you King of my body
Ruler of my heart, Master of my soul

Where are you my love?

Can love lie?

Who are you whom I love?

A.M

To Be Love

To be love,
To have loved,
To have lost,
To have learned to be lonely.

To be loved,
To have love,
To be found,
To be faithful.

To be love,
To have joy,
To be guided,
To be sensible, compassionate.

To watch his heart reach passionately,
To feel his soul light up,
To know I'm not the one,
To feel helpless saying no.

To see young hearts in despair,
To watch fools fake relationships,
To be lost, To be helpless,
To seek love.

To breathe love,
To remain single,
To have seen too much to pretend,
To be free,
To have faith in dreams.

To be loved,
To live a life of choice and talent,
To be, To accept, To forgive.
To love, To fight, To live,
To love, To be loved
Compassionately.

A.M

Young Love

Your scent on my pillow,
Your kiss on my lips,
Oh, boy, so young and tender,
Your touch sweet and attentive,
Your embraces long and lasting,
Your promises sincere but unrealistic.

Your heart young and hopeless,
Willing to give me your life,
When I've given you nothing,
Oh, boy, young and proud,
Keep moving, take your scent,
Take your touch,
Take your sweet kisses,
Take it all away.

Daring, adventurous, boy friend,
Always telling me,
You miss me,
You want to see me,
Take me out to eat
Or eat me for dinner.

Sometimes I respond,
Sometimes I let it be,
I don't want to scar,
I don't want to break
Your porcelain heart,
Already sore with daddy issues.

Oh, young restless child,
In your love there is fear,
In your care there is worry,
You long to see me, to touch me,
While fearing my power
And the dangers of entanglement.

Always telling me you're coming,
When you're afraid of showing,
Face, feeling, vulnerability,
Always withholding your gifts,
From your friends and family.

Showing a superficial facade,
Decorated with tattoos
And a tender smile,
Hiding in a false reality,
Where you have to go to prison
To spend time with your father.

Your nature lacks responsibility,
You think you're a free spirit
But you're another poor soul,
Ashamed, rebellious,
Blaming yourself,
Wondering the streets
Without a father figure.

I have no room,
No room in my heart,
No space in my soul,
For your tenderness,
Your innocence,
I have no time,
No time to teach,
No patience for your fragile nature,
Your tattooed body, your stupidity,
Your impulsiveness, your carelessness.

Oh boy, young and scarred,
If I were you I wouldn't call,
I wouldn't come around,
Express how much you miss,
My mind, my body, my presence,
If I were you I'd stay away,
For that's the best you can do,
Before my soul adopts you,
Encloses you in my essence,
Stay away,
For both our sake.

A.M

Falling

Some people walk to the store and fall in love,
Some fall in love on the bus,
At work,
At the bar, at the club,
Some fall in love in their sleep,
Aspiring to become greater than,
Better than the self alone.

I fall in love on the train,
Reading Shakespeare,
Envisioning us as characters in a tragic play,
I fall in love at work,
Turn inwards,
Internalize you,
Introspective,
I focus on your beauty inside my soul.

My stoic expression causes them to ask,
"What's wrong, Amanda?"
I'm in love, fools,
I'm in longing, foolish humans,
I'm in love and can't be bothered.

I daydream at the gym,
Imagining your sweaty body next to me,
Running towards me,
Stretching next to me,
Lifting weights, I fall in love.

Love comes when you need it most,
To free you from the world,
To separate the ego from the soul,
Split feelings from blessings,
Flesh from light,
Memorization from experience.

Love offers you a chance to grow,
Blesses your spirit with freedom,
Freedom from judgment,
Misconceptions,
Spiritual diseases.

But many misinterpret,
Cheat it, use it,
Clinging to people and things.
Some go mad and blame love,
Trying to turn feelings into tangible things,
Emotions into promises,
Giving reason to spiritual sensations.

I write like I know
Because I'm blessed to see
Something you don't.
But if you ask me what I believe
I'll tell you I only believe in love.

For over and over I fall,
For you, for them, for everything,
I fall in love again and again,
For I cling to nothing
And give nothing but love.

And when you're alone
You reach for me,
You give me vanity,
Shallow pictures wrapped in fantasy.
And when I'm missing you
I give you what you ask,
And you stop and think
"What is it about this poetess
That makes me act so foolish?,
What is it about this woman
That makes me feel so stupid?"

But me, I'm beyond pondering,
Philosophizing, explaining my feelings,
I'm tired of over thinking and complaining.
I count the years on both hands,
And as each year passes I grow confident
I'll always love to fall in love with you,
Over and over, again and again,
I'll fall for the love I demand.

A.M

Walking Out

She walks out
He walks out
They walk out of the bar together

We share light
Hold hands in restaurants
Lay naked under the sun
We indulge in fun
Then walk out
Walk out of each other's life

We move on
Life goes on
And all that's left is light
All that's left are blessings
Gifts from the universe

All we are is light
There is only love
All we are is light
There is only love

We are only love
We travel through time
We allow a clock to tell us when to live
We hop in and out
In and out of each other's life

You walk out
Walk out of the bar
I pick you up
You get in my car
I take you home
But you won't let me love you

So I walk out
I walk out of your life
So you walk out
Walk me out of your heart

Time goes by
I open the door
You come running
Anxious to use me

We hop in
In and out
In and out of each other's life
We allow a clock to tell us when to live
Always walking away
In and out of each other's life

A.M

To My Boy Friends

Too many boys
I've lost my mind
I'll never think as a girl
Raised with boy cousins
I've taken beatings
I've thrown punches

But I can't keep away
I love my boys
They motivate
Inspire
A centered self
A stronger body
They shape me
Push me hard
To work harder

I can always be better
In the eyes of a boy
I can always win
I can be anything
In a man's mind
I'm a warrior
I'm here for a purpose

My lovely boys
Amazing spirits
I'm blessed
To be called a friend
To be one with them
It's important
Having boy friends
Opens perspective
Teaches
The opposing sex

My boys are sincere
They share wisdom
Or they share care
They show me
A new life
A new perspective
Of my own life
They pick me apart
They tell me my faults
They show me
The steps I have to take
To build the stair I need
To climb
To someone I'm happy with

Silly, playful, beautiful
They remind me
I'm not a guy in a girl's body
"Act like a lady",
"You behave with no morals"
When I burp in front of them
I tell them
"Your mother has no morals
For Having You"
And we laugh

I never cared to impress man
I don't look for boys
I don't search for men
They walk into my life
With common interests
My friends and I bond
We take care of each other
Well, they take care of me
Making sure I'm always happy

My boys are steal
No strangers may touch me
And cruel intentions are deadly
They will attack
My boys don't play
They guard me
Protect me
Many times I've been saved

And when they lie
It's superficial
And it's usually to protect me
My boys are all different
Unique spirits
Individual lives
Same male energy
Always ready to fight

I love my boys
I love my girls
But this is for you, guys

A.M

Angelic Dreams

We all wish we were angels, don't we? But I'm just a simple messenger, a seer of beautiful things. If angels walked the earth life would be a different proposition, a site to see, the streets filled with artists playing and singing and writing and drawing and painting and dancing. And the people would be so happy, there would be abundance of all needs, no one would be starved of food or affection, violence would not be necessary. Artists need to serve their purpose, to understand the beauty of their gift, to realize the importance of their work, to use the power of creation with love and compassion to promote awareness.

A.M

Quick Thoughts

All the physical things don't matter
And what you think about them don't matter
And how you feel about them don't matter

Your emotions are controlled by your brain
And when your brain chemicals are unbalanced
You will feel extreme emotional changes
From high to low rapidly
depending on which chemicals
You're lacking

When your brain's health is compromised
Your body will feel sick
And you'll experience everything
In a miserable state of being

Therefore nothing should matter
One should focus only on love
And stay away from those
Trying to control life

A.M

Blessed

If only I could see and experience through your eyes, your heart, your mind. Awareness is a blessing, I am still, the mind is still, experiencing what's in front of me. The heart wonders in memories and desires of fantasies to come, curious about the direction my spirit is taking. All we can do is be, be love, be aware, be strong, in control of our thoughts, acknowledging the presence of the God creator within us. As everything fades around us, as we fade from the inside out, we try to remain solid for as long as we can, we try to be invincible dying bodies because of our awareness of the eternal spirit within us. But our day will come, our hearts will stop beating, all that will be left of our mind is the thoughts we recorded, the creations we left behind, one day our spirits will move on. I live to learn, to understand the life I was born into, the purpose of being in this illusive reality. God bless your vision, may you always walk close to the source, stay connected to nature, to the birth and death of life. I'm blessed to be experiencing this world, blessed to have been given this body, this heart, this mind. The only lasting beauty is that of the heart.

A.M

To Finally Understand

The more we know the less we feel
I finally understand you
For I feel the same
I experience no desperation
No ill feeling
No agony, no remorse
No excitement for the unknown
The only remaining feeling is love

Because I am love
I am the feeling
I am the emotion that brings you close
Me and all my being
Me and my compassion
My broken understanding
Of what it is to relate
To another being

I finally understand
What I am here for
I finally see purpose in motion
My talent to give
To receive love

I finally see
Not just with eyes
But with soul
I finally feel
Not just with mind
But with heart and spirit
I feel every emotion around me
From everything that surrounds me
Clouds, Infects, blinds me
Secludes, isolates
Hurts, heals, breaks
The force that motivates
Applies pressure
Causes change
Transpires pure strength
Pure force, sole energy
Pushing, pulling all of us in

A heavy hand on my heart
My soul is with those children
Each brilliant soul lies in heaven
Playing with their relatives
Singing, creating melodies
Healing with laughter
Making new friends
Being young souls
Serving the universe with love

While my mind tries to forget
While I turn the channel
I remember
The thirty elementary school children
Shot on December of 2010
In Rio de Janeiro
"Why have God taken them so soon?"
Maybe they're better off away from here
We'll know soon enough

All we can do is give love
And pray for more love
To heal these types of sicknesses
The more we know the less we feel
So I close my mind and open my heart
I shut my eyes and see through my soul
I feed on familiar faces
While appreciating the unknown

A.M

Looking Out

Sitting on a plane
Looking out the window
In the midst of clouds
Our love floats about
Your mind spots mine
Thinking about you

You rush towards me
With your rusty spear
Piercing my chest
Infecting my heart
Filling my mind with memories
With desire of fantasies to come

You sit quietly
Wondering about me
Dreaming of touching bodies
Desiring me loudly
Screaming for my body

Your heart closed
With me in it
Touching from the inside
Healing through intention
Through compassion
My unconditional passion
Inspiring, inciting
Creating everlasting

Sitting next to older folks
Imagining us growing old
Loving your skin for life
Embracing your wrinkles
Your aches and your pains
Being patient through your rage
Understanding your heartache

Love, take this trip with me
Lay on my lap
Rest your head on my chest
Give me an arm to lean on
A chest to grab while lovemaking
A mouth to breathe into
Give your soft lips to taste
Your wet tongue to chew
Give me the body I long for
The heart I'm meant to touch

There is no other
No other love
There is no other
No other fool

A.M

To My Lover

I'm enclosed in his soul
He enfolds me in love
He embraces my heart
Envelops my body
With the light of his spirit

He opens me up
Tears down my walls
Drills into my essence
Stretches me open
Exposing the hurt
I quietly endure

He pleases my body
My mind, my soul
He opens the door
And I rush through
Racing into his body
Diving into his being
I hold on with all my limbs
Like a young child
Deprived of love

We lay awake
Talking, thinking, listening
Figuring out
Ways to eliminate the sickness
The fear eating my heart
We stay up playing music
Writing poetry
We stay up making love
Falling into each other's body
Playing inside each other's soul

He loves me, kisses my forehead
Lets me know he adores me
He teaches me different ways
Different methods of cultivating
My health, my emotions
My broken feelings

He shows me, he draws me
A world free of pain
Free of trouble
Where I don't have to worry
Where I don't have to fear
For the hurt, the wounded
The blind, the sick

He welcomes my beauty
My innocence, my light
He reaches deep inside
My essence
He brings me to life
Into his world
Of magic, of soul, of music

He plays my body
Intensely, soulfully
He uses me
Like one of his guitars
Hitting every note
Fiddling every curve
Awakening every organ
He plays me
Like a divine instrument
He creates sounds with my body
We chant, we create holy rituals
We become ecstasy

He exhausts his talent
Pleasing, pleading, praying
For my well being
As I lay worried next to him
The storm in my belly
Gets the best of me
Fear takes me away
But he pulls me back in
Harder, tighter, in love
With sentiment
He reminds me
We have each other

And I let him in
Deep inside me
Where I locked away
My feelings
Where I buried
The infatuation
I once felt for him
Where I hid the love
That sprouted when we met
All because in the beginning
He feared I was a crazy lady
When I was just crazy for him

I ran away, afraid of pain
I locked myself inside my heart
I numbed my feelings
I left, I traveled
I tried different souls
But his light always brought me back
His love, his passion
His sensuality, his caring heart
His healing hands, his strong body
His captivating energy
Brought me back to his bed
Time and time again

And now we're here
Satisfied, happy, comforted
Within each other's reach
Alive in each other's body
Making time to feel
Free, lifted, pleased
Laying together
Till responsibility knocks
Or till we're exhausted
Of taking and giving
Of pleasing and desiring
Of fantasizing and needing

You know me so well
I can't hide much
Besides my pain
My heartache
Attached to memories
Of a ghost

When I'm alone
I try to heal
I gather my pain
I break it, Grind it
Turn it into powder
I mold it, Transform it
I manifest love
But there is always more
Hurt

I'm happy you're here
I'm glad we're close
For the first time
Or for the millionth turn
The universe
Played its tricks on us
Separated to teach
Broke to fix
Set us apart
Sent us away
On separate journeys
On single missions
To guide, to learn
The value of soul connection

God blessed us
Brought us close
Once again
In light, in love
Through talent, with purpose
With pure energy and force

And even though we're free spirits
We know
We're part of each other's soul

A.M

As I Cried

And as I cried I held his hand as hard as I could,
And he said, "From now on I'm holding your hand everyday,
You're sharing in on my strength".
And my tears stopped and we drove to our destination.

And after he dropped me off he said,
"You're going to receive my love everyday,
I hope you can handle it.
It's going to be tiresome
But I'm strong and can endure it.
He doesn't deserve you"

And in my friend I found strength,
In his love I saw myself,
In his soul I saw my potential,
In his tears I experienced a love
That can heal any wound,
That can destroy any hurt
And renew my heart and soul.

And I told the undeserving soul,
"You're a lucky man to have me as a friend,
A heart as pure as mine is a rare find,
You should be lucky to teach me something
That could improve my mind and body"

And he said, "........."

If you're giving to someone and getting nothing in return
It's probably because they have nothing to offer.
And that's not your fault or theirs,
It's just the way life is at that moment and time.
All you can do is remove yourself from
That black hole sucking in all your love.

A.M

Loose Leaf

I'm a loose leaf surfing the breeze
Carried along by human wind
Vulnerable to your icy fingers
Sensitive to your heart's vibration
I feel everything you deny
I give you vision
But cannot open your eyes

The cold freezing
Breaking my crispy edges
I float on rivers of remorse
I swim in oceans of forgiveness
This weather has come to heal
This cold will freeze desires
Crystalize the love
The sorrow of unfulfilled fantasies

This weather will break the illusion
It will undue the spell
I've casted upon myself
The white snow will cover me
Lighten my dark mistakes
The ice will shock my soul
Revive my sleeping heart
Give me a chance at love

Your rough fingers pierced a hole
A wound in the center of my soul
Tearing me from the inside
Consuming me with frustration
Exposing all that's lacking
Absorbing all that's pain
All that's love

I'm floating in regret
I'm sorry for the things I said
I wanted an open lover
An honest friend
But all I got was pain

I'm floating in the wind
Aware
I won't see you again
I'm lost in the winter cold
In a heart of solitude
Surrounded by love

I set myself for failure
When I fought against nature
When I prayed for a miracle
To change a man's essence
My luck is that they're coming
My luck is that they're looking
They're coming to get me
They're looking to make me
Their love queen

They'll make medicine out of me
They'll squeeze the life from my veins
They'll juice the talent, the wisdom
They'll make a guide out of me

Meanwhile I surf the breeze
I'm moved by wind chill
Lost in regret
Sorry for everything
I shouldn't have said
A loose leaf in the cold air
Tearing from the inside
Freezing from the edges

Vulnerable to frustration
Sensitive to rejection
Welcoming desire
Praying to God
For more love
For more light
Building momentum
Floating along
Cold, in love and alone

A.M