Friday, February 1, 2013

In Insecurity Lies The Eternal

We are history repeating itself

Now battle scarred we try again

To be the winner in this deadly game

Well, I can only speak for myself

I`m tired, fading like picked flowers

A ghost of war, of a time pride was glorified

And I played your heart like monopoly

Buying your bullshit and selling my soul

To spite you, to make you hurt

And in that I was victorious

For a little while or so

Until you caught on and changed your heart`s address

After you left I fought again, and lost again, and again

The kind hearted men

But also the selfish self destructive martyr

I`ve wasted years trying

Gained wisdom but grew cold with the lessons

I`ve stopped fighting

I watch now, watch their dreams die in the cold war

From a lonely, scared place

Where I claim to be fearless but I`m really afraid

Afraid I can`t let go

Afraid I won`t ever love the way I loved your heart and soul

Afraid of the pain, the bittersweet memories of me and you

Kissing in the park

Holding hands in my car, gazing into your cold blue eyes

These memories come to life

Rage war inside me, the fierce passion, the drunk love

If I listened to logic I`d be married by now

With a daughter and two sons

I`ve picked names for them all

But I`m unsure if they`ll ever be born

I`ve chosen the place I want to settle

But don`t know if I`ll ever make it home

For I refuse to play the game

I`m done fighting and pretending this is working

We are history repeating itself

And I want to stop this deadly cycle, but I can`t

I can`t stop this wheel from turning

These people from cheating their chosen path

Breaking their sworn vows, deserting their loved ones

Divorcing their soul health

And I will stay out of this war game for as long as I can

Even if you`re still playing in it

Losing yourself with random women

And maybe when you`re done fighting

You'll look for me again

Find me, love me, and hold my hand