Sunday, August 18, 2013

I miss you

I haven't exhausted my heart completely
I haven't given everything to this love

I'm still waiting for your soul to find me
I still believe you'll come for me this lifetime

I'm craving a love I've only longed for
We were only together in my fantasies

What else is left
for me to give to you, my love
What else can I learn
from this surrender

Lover, you know me so well
And yet, your reason can blind you
Show me your purposeful heart
Share with me your majestic spirit

I want to scream
I want to reach out
But I know
you won't see me with holy eyes

It's time like these
I wish you'd let me love you
Let me guide you
Let me show you

How selfish is that
Desiring to free you for my benefit
How self centered would I be
To awaken you, so you could love me

I want to call and say I miss you
I want to knock and say I need you
I want to hug and feel you
I want our lips touching again

These affairs fade away
I'm not concerned with missed dates
I'm not excited for any meeting
It is you that I want to love in the finale

It's you, infatuating my heart
It's your light, contagious in my soul
It's your image that always comes first
It's you, I've been waiting for

I feel your heart calling
This feeling tortures me
The calling of your soul
For my unconditional love

Denying my desires
only made me hungrier
I long to be entangled with you
Intertwined with your soul

To touch your face
To lay my body beside you
To feel you close to my heart again

Wake up, my love, I miss you


Let me go

Remove the dagger from my heart
Even if it tears me apart
Take out the sword
Spill my blood

What else is left
What more can I give
What else can I offer
But my life, my love

This fever I endure
My fists filled with tears
My face hot with love
My chest tight and sore

I lay in your bed of thorns
The more I move the more it hurts
My conscience tells me to stay put
But I reach out and touch you

They say you're not my pain
That I simply gave you the right
The title of king of my body
The crown for ruling my heart

But it's your sweet lips I see
When I close my eyes
It is your skin I want to touch
When I feel love inside me

I'm not as free as I claim to be
For my heart lies in your hands
Between your pride and courage
I lay waiting your soul to awaken

Remove your dagger from my heart
Even if it tears me apart
Take out your sword
Spill my blood

Let me go


Don't want to fall asleep

I don't want to fall asleep 
I know you're there
Waiting for me
Ready to embrace me 
And I can't bare 
To feel you
To kiss you
I don't want you like this 
I don't want to fall asleep
I know you're in my dreams 
Anticipating our meeting
And I can't bare
To feel you
To kiss you
And wake  up alone again 

No right way of conduct

There is no right way of conduct
In a world where people cultivate
Disgusting feelings such as hate,
jealousy, greed, insecurity
There's no appropriate way to act
When everyone's sickness is different

There's no proper way to be
When some are free spirits
but others are locked in cages
While some are seeking cures
And others are spreading diseases
While some are sharing unconditionally
And others are contained in self made prisons

In a world where few are fearless
And many are afraid of change and instability
You can't be too spontaneous
Too impulsive, too sweet, too loving
You must think twice before you show
Your true colors, your genuine emotion

In a world where many are filled with fear
Afraid of anything different from themselves
Afraid of looking bad in the light of your good will
Afraid of not being good enough compared to your charity
Afraid of your art because they might die
without creating anything worth remembering

There's no real way to know how to behave
When some are rooting for you to fail
While others who can help are standing by doing nothing
In a world of tortured, tamed minds
The artist is exploited and casted out
In a world of mental illnesses and spiritual diseases
Those attempting to heal themselves are outcastes

And don't you dare attempt to show your true feelings
Don't you dare esteem yourself or others "too much"
Someone is bound to dislike your freedom
Of thought
Of expression
Of love
Of ambition
Of prosperity

Don't you get too talented, too rich, too beautiful
Or they will cast you out like a leper
You see, some friends watch you like a TV series
They enjoy the first couple of seasons
They praise your thoughts, support your ideas
From behind the screen
But as soon as your ideas begin to expand
And your storyline starts to take a new turn
They will get mad, begin to criticize
Your personal decisions about your own life

When you start to go in a different direction
To challenge their beliefs
To surpass their harnessed understanding
They will withdraw, stop watching you
They will cancel you
After welcoming you into their homes
And showering you with excitement and kind words

You see,
there is no appropriate way of conduct
So be yourself
Do what you want to do
Say what you'd like to say
Scream, run, curse, confront
Give, show, heal, grow
And drive far far far away
From those standing by
Poking fun
Waiting for your show to be canceled
Rooting for you to burn



The mirror tells me my eyes are green
Either the sun is shining in
Or I'm tearing because
I'm thinking of you

I've buried myself
Underneath my intellect
Behind my poetry
Within my books

I hid my love for you
Inside old poems
In empty futures
In places I'll never go

I've caged you
In tears that come out through sobs
In screams that escape my fingers
When I place my hand over my face
To cover the desperate cry of despair

Of longing, of shame
For wanting you
They tell me, is a disgrace

I float alone in my life boat
As I attempt to grow courage to jump
To fall into the whirlpool that surrounds me
Spinning me in circles, keeping me in distress

I run from your end
Attempting to arrive at an end
Where I can share my heart again
With a soul who doesn't cut me down

You burry yourself in the crowds
You hide in front of the lights
You cage your heart with alcohol
You float from bed to bed
Creating a means to an end

But I have no crowd to run to
No lights desiring my presence
And the water I drink doesn't numb anything
But I can't blame my pain on your ignorance
I can't ask you to save me from this vengeance
I've taken upon myself



Farewell, my love
Sweet were the times
You made my knees weak
Pulled me in gently
And kissed my lips
Sweet were the times
You swept me off my feet
From spotting me at the gym
To dancing the night away
And cuddling the day away
Under the sheets
From kissing me at every red light
To asking me to be yours for eternity
You had a special way of flattering

To our sweet conversations
And the sweet walks
We took in each other's heart
The journeys we embarked in thought
The dreams we created under the covers
The trips you planned for us
The fantasies we never realized
The relationship that never was
Farewell to being my muse for life

Farewell, my love
You taught me trust
The last man to take half my heart
You kept me from returning
To a soul who gave little or nothing
Compared to your generous offerings
For this I'm grateful
You made me feel wanted, desired
Worthy, satisfied, content
In your fashion, you gave to me
Gifts I'll never forget

Mr. Bright lights
Mr. Random visits
Mr. Ardent encounters
Mr. Numbed hips
Mr. Dapper
Mr. One and only
Mr. Never and forever

Farewell, my love
We were almost lovers
We were almost friends
Bad timing didn't allow
The trust we needed
To flourish in full
My past, your present
Your vices, my habits
My self centeredness
The lies and infidelity

Lover of nothing
I pray you find your way
I wish you the best of today
And if life leads you to water
Drink it, my love, trust in The Lord
Have faith in your purpose
Be the change you wish for
Our paths are different
But our hearts are one
And you carry my love
Wherever you go

Farewell, Beloved
You weren't wrong
Perhaps misunderstood
Misguided and judged
Not everyone can see
The beautiful heart you hold
And in spite our differences
I did love you
I gave you the little I had to give
And I pray it made a difference
In the person you are today
I pray you find your way
And that the unconditional love I gave
Added to your substance today