Mirage

And I missed
And I wanted
And I needed
Until one day
I missed nothing
Until one moment
All went silent
And I could see you
In the back of my mind
Waving to me
But no longer
Did I feel
The want
The need
To touch you
To talk with you
But I always see you
In the back of my mind
Waving
Smiling
And saying
Come back
Come back to me

A.M

In Solitude

Solitude is needed when you live with ghosts
Rejoicing in dreams of the past
Dwelling in moments gone
For present joy and future peace

He runs from solitude--she chases it
Seeks it, finds it makes it a part of her
In fear of being alone he seeks others
Attaches himself to fleeting souls
Clutching hard, holding on as fast as he can
Fighting the inevitable fate of dying alone

I gather emotions, invest in feelings
Relive the good and bad memories
I stock up, store wisdom for old age
I walk towards aloneness
Praying to find my place in eternity
My single space, my moment of grace

I`ll take my talent to the grave
With this body that serves me in shallow ways
Reflecting an image I cannot see in the mirror
Portraying, emulating something I`ve never been
Never wanted to be praised for my appearance
Somewhere along my youth I let them decide for me
This has caused me much pain and sickness
But also reassured the hermit in me

Farther away each day
Detached from the material I once valued
Disconnected from the ideal standards of society
Farther and farther away from their playground
Where I was never welcomed
Where I was bullied and rejected
I`m nowhere to be found
Those closest to me cannot see
Cannot find the place I reside in

The farther I get the more comfortable it feels
I seek it, I find it, I become it--I am solitude
Even in love I play by myself
For getting groomed to live a shallow ideal
Is dragging and ill to my spirit
Even in love I long for seclusion
For deep within I know my place isn’t here

My claimed space in this dream world
Does not lie within the illusions of Gods
Created to tame us, control us, to keep us sane
In the duality I refuse to live in
In a commonsensical world I do not know
I lack the emotion needed to be held prisoner
I`m the opposite of what imprisons--I’m fearless

The farther I get the clearer I see
The spirit inside me dwells unusually
Unorthodox-eccentrically
I survive in a place most would call insanity
A land of love, tragic tales, dramatic stories

I go out and make memories
As a farmer plants seeds I plant moments
I grow emotions and harvest love
I carry my crop with me everywhere I go
This love I produce sustains my soul
Satiates my body when it`s lonely
Feeds my heart when it’s hungry

I survive in seclusion because I’m in love
Always single and never alone
Connected to everything around me
And holding on to nothing
Always complete on my own
Farther away from this world
And closer to my place in eternity
Where we are one

In solitude

A.M

Desolate

I planted seeds that didn`t grow
I watered and watched with love
But my flowers didn`t boom
I used the finest ground; my heart
But didn’t see any budding laurels

I wrote poems, recited from my soul
But his garden remained barren
Until a quiet stranger came along
With silence and painted pictures
She made his garden bloom in full

They were happy for a little while
Until he showed her the man I knew
They parted, said love wasn’t enough
To keep his garden flourished, fruitful
No time to pollinate her garden flower

He searched for my lost deserted body
Asked to drink from my poison cactus
And I gave to him, until I had no more
And he moved on to another young soul
With fresh nectar to give, to sell, to lend

To keep his honey flowing golden
To keep his garden flourished, fruitful
Takes a very special bee, a selfless queen
A lady blind to her needs, happy to please
For to love him is to give and give and give

A.M