Loving On The Run

Loving on the run

It was long ago but I remember
I had love, a heart to call my own
There were fights, struggles
But at the end of the day, in his embrace there was peace
with the knowledge that someone out there believed in me blindly
No matter how insecure I become I knew I could count on my beloved to save me,
strengthen me, comfort me, defend, protect me
Somewhere down the road I decided to give that up
No more safety blanket, no more secure heart
I lean on me, break my own fall
I get my loving on the run, when I get some
I want to grow in heart, my ability to care, love, understand
Support the ones I love without expectations
I want a clear vision
I’ve loved the wrong people and the wrong people have loved me
My reason for allowing a commitment were insufficient
And my obsession with getting them to love me has brought me much pain and suffering
I’ve hurt and confused, as much as I been hurt and confused
From now on, I want to live without strings
To give, to love, without labels
To selflessly care for those who need me
To be a strong link, able to love and care for those in need of blind compassion
Without the need of ego gratification
with the simple desire to be a part of something bigger than me
I don’t want to live alone
Love alone , conquer fears alone
Attain my desires alone
I want to live and share my heart with everyone
My body is a tool I’ll use to accomplish my soul’s desires
A healthy heart will allow me to walk the path to my dreams
A fit body will carry my heart through the paths that my mind chooses
So I must keep a healthy mind, clear of negative thoughts for a bright future
For darkness brings not light but blindness
The things I want are in the future
They are new and made of something I never had
Therefore I cannot expect to attain these things If I insist on bringing dreams of the past with me
For the dreams of the past have already been carried out, If not by you then by others
We cannot carry the past into the future, change or recreate it as it once was
I must create new dreams and realize them
I do not carry my mistakes into my future , I carry an understanding of the result of my past actions
I allow myself to change direction, To grow in new ways, To desire new things, new shapes
I allow myself to want more and need less, To care and be cared for, To love and expect nothing in return
I want a clearer vision of the world, An honest view of my heart and my part in life
Real feelings without superficial reason, Passion without ulterior motives
I want to feel everything with love, with the understanding that I am in control of my feelings,
my heart, my emotions
I do not need to recreate happy moments
I want to experience happy actions and reactions
I want to learn the art of feeling good
The art of making life good
I don’t want to feel as good as before but better
For it can be limiting to wish a past condition or a new version of it
Just a thought
A.M

While I Wait

While I wait

I wonder, how you heal
How does your heart feel
Are you at ease with your logic’s decision
Can you sense my affliction
I wonder if you get impatient
For my days are shadowed with doubt
My heart is heavy, my breath is weak
I am out in the light but my skin is cold as ice
Sunlight does not penetrate my eyes
I’ve come a long way to be near you
Now I am close in body and far in thought
Far from your heart’s desire
You do not write or call
Leaving it up to chance if we should meet again
I don’t understand a love so passive
You see, for me the urge is constant
I see your face when I awake
Desire your touch throughout the day
I want to look into your eyes and feel your heart’s warmth
I need to wrap my arms around you and feel you close
It’s the only way I know

A.M

2010.

Interdependent

If love is the desire to share your best
experience the best of everything with the one you want
Then I love
There is no logic in our union
There is no sense in love
Accepting or rejecting doesn’t change reality
Denying love doesn’t stop its growth
Ego illusions may elude the senses
Make believe an ideal love
But love isn’t conceived of reason
It’s a reaction of souls
Awareness shows us what is, what isn’t and what can be
Give up the struggle, let nature take its course
Resistance impairs growth
Accept the love given to you
Respect every compassionate gesture
Don’t deny those who love you
They are there for a reason
You need their love as much as they need to give it
Compassion fuels the souls journey
For when we seek love and understanding we find awareness
Caring for others is caring for yourself
Acceptance is living
Pride impairs reason
Awareness knows no ego
Detached from self we are infinite
Experiencing life in synch with reality
Conscious of a interdependent existence

A.M

2009.

Each Day

Each day...
I dive into a sea of remembrance
Bittersweet memories awakens my body
Fantasy waves revive me
The desire to have you, my ecstasy reality
Pain, love, tenderness, touch…
Reliving our experience is electrifying
My heart floats away from me, my soul laughs and giggles
Divine energy fills my veins…righteous ideas…
Oh, Fairy tales of love

Each day…
To look into your eyes, pure fantasy
Oh, the desire you stir within me
Your body… mine, touch filled with curiosity
I get lost in this dream of you, play make believe with you
Oh the light inside you, the good I see within you
My heart plays, laughs with you...And I dream

Each day...
This feeling moves me
Transforms me, builds me--continues to fool me
I see you not with eyes but my soul’s vision
And now--knowing you--knowing the joy
Of another heart lighting up mine
It's a feeling I want in my life
I want you in my life
However, whenever, wherever
I want you in my life
Each day

A.M

Compassion

Know that everything you do has purpose
There is a reason why you're doing what you're doing
You decide your path and life uses you along the way
Until you get to where you want to be and succeed
Stay the path, don’t follow off, love yourself , your choices
On your way there, stop and breath
Appreciate the going and the going gets easy
For where I am headed all I need is my heart
"So I’m there writing this, and getting caught in my "choices"
I do my best, for me that’s enough
I don’t judge, I don’t mean harm nor wished it be done
The basics, remember?
You must love the music
You must want life
You have to want to hear it
That’s the way to God - “Speech”
Have a voice and God will help you
Have a say and God will protect you
Don’t let them tell you how to live your life
Love yourself, take care of you and you’ll take care of everything
The universe will work with your thoughts and deliver your present
We’re connected, through God, to God
Lets get on the same path, success!
Do our best together, team Earth
Do it for your future, for your kid’s future
Be compassionate, share understannding
Grow, ascend, care for each other
We're all on the same path, "Life"!
A.M

Lover's Hate

And yes, I will leave you. Now and forever
And if my body shall ever meet with yours it will be for my soul‘s pleasure.

I desire not a kiss from your wretched lips
I’ll forget, who you are, who we were, how we met

And I’ll remember your mean words when my soul calls to yours
How can a heart be so cold, feel so old?

Love is enough, a terrifying rollercoaster with you
I've loved you throughout the mistakes
I am forever and so my love remains

So I leave the idea of a world with you
and move on to a world without you near
Endearing, to believe we can fill our lives and determine roles for people

What role do you take? I'm behind the scenes asking the producer
Why didn’t you film it the way I wrote it?

Hey, you can’t have a say in everything
“Sometimes you’re fucked from the jump”

So we play our parts, and make the “best“ of the “best” we get?
But what is best? And how do you know once you’ve got it?

I can say I’ve shared the best, and for me that will always be enough
I loved wholeheartedly, without one shallow bone in my body

There was never bad timing, only lazy loving
Isn’t that why we're here
To love, to care for those we choose to intereact with

But specially to cultivate your life
So I take care of me and pray for the good in you
Are you sticking to the script, is it working?

Are you happy?
Happy is accepting the now and having no hate from your past
Are you really here?

Because I stand before you, a memory of love, and you hate me? That cannot exist
Where there is love there is hate, but where there is no love there is no opposition

You are a link, nothing more
To believe me, to adopt a new idea of the world seems unreal

Leonardo Da Vinci said it best” He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind”
I’ve been a friend to you and you are blind to that

Maybe you don’t know full independence, I’ve had it all my life
Love isn’t always where you are at, but it is always with you

Loving to hate me

A.M

2010.

Taking

Taking

You came into my life and you took
My time, my senses
I told you I was falling
You said you weren’t sure
How was I suppose to know?
You were taking from my love
From my family, from my friends
Moments I could of spent with them I cried alone in bed
Loving, sharing all my words with you
All my sweetness onto you
I splayed my heart to love you whole
My mind clings to you, my hands reach for you, my lips desire you
Because you took from me
Kisses, months, years
A fiancé, a boyfriend, you took from me
Love complete, you took from me
All I wanted, you took from me
All I shared, you shared with them
And I want it back
I’m taking back what you took from me
And this time I wont’ be merciful
I’m loving you until you’re sick and asking to be cured
I’m loving Baby, that’s how I’m getting you back
You see, there is no pay back, there is no past, there is only love
And at the speed I’m loving I’m catching up fast
So when I sweep you off your feel It’ll be quickly
Fulfilling the prophecy” I always get what I need”
So don’t worry about what you want, I got it for you
When everything feels right those questions will be answered
And I will reclaim everything you stole plus interest
I’m not playing baby, I’m loving
So fast, so much, so sweet, you are unable to see
But when I choose to reveal, the body I choose to conceal
You will see, everything you want I’ve been keeping
The truth is, I’ve taken from you
From your time, from your friends
From your truth, your desires
I’ve taken from your mind, thoughts
I’ve molded you, shaped your virtues
We’ve grown together, shaping each other’s perceptions
I took from you, from your prejudice, misery, rules
I took you by storm and I let you take me
Into this hurricane I find myself caught in
You’re being pushed away from me
I’m holding on to our home, clinging to my love
Until the storm is over
And you’re dried and sober
And we take it all over
What they took from us
I'm taking it back baby

A.M