Can love lie?

Who are you whom I love?
Can love lie
How do I attain peace loving?
Why must I feel the anxiety of a thousand men?
The agony of a defeated army in my chest
The desperation of a million slaves
With no chance to escape
My hands and feet chained
To a heavy trunk of hope
Unable to move
My mind weary, eager to resolve
The purpose of a love foregone

Where are you my love?
What do you wait for?
Take the little life I have—it’s yours
The magic of my soul, I render to you
You asked what I demand
What I want, desire, expect from you
I want nothing you cannot give
And everything you are willing to share
I want your fierce heart, my God of war
Your noble soul, my Spartan warrior
Your caring hands touching my soft face
Your loving arms embracing my waist
I want your warm body wrapped around me
Fainting, melting, intertwining
I want your heart
No more, no less, than what I give returned

Who are you whom I love?
Why must it hurt so much?
The pain of a hundred blades
Cutting through my flesh
The longing of a thousand women
Crying for their dead children
Why must there be leaving?
Why can’t my heart lie?
Can there be a happier life
Without you by my side
Without your footsteps on my soul
Without your handprints on my body
I’m not the woman they love
I’m a ghost
Not sleeping, eating, feeling
Loving but one soul

Where are you my love?
My letters remain unanswered
My kind gestures ignored
My offerings refused, left untouched
To rot outside your door
Knocking hopelessly, awaiting a relief
For your sickness
Your birthright, your troubled fortune
Dooms us all who try to touch you
Who are you?
Can love lie
Why must you leave?
A love as pure as mine

Come away with me
We haven’t much time
God’s wrath falls upon us
Nature’s fury reaps cities
Our time together, destined but short
The clock began counting backwards
Only a couple years of loving
Before the clock strikes goodbye
Time is racing, the days are shorter
The nights are torture

Come to me, I stand still waiting
In the same cold place you left me
Without your warmth I am frozen
Come, ignite me with your light
Renew me with your touch
Rekindle the fire that is us
Take my hand, walk me through infinity
Accept love-give me the solace I long for
Come claim the beauty that is yours
Let me crown you King of my body
Ruler of my heart, Master of my soul

Where are you my love?

Can love lie?

Who are you whom I love?

A.M

To Be Love

To be love,
To have loved,
To have lost,
To have learned to be lonely.

To be loved,
To have love,
To be found,
To be faithful.

To be love,
To have joy,
To be guided,
To be sensible, compassionate.

To watch his heart reach passionately,
To feel his soul light up,
To know I'm not the one,
To feel helpless saying no.

To see young hearts in despair,
To watch fools fake relationships,
To be lost, To be helpless,
To seek love.

To breathe love,
To remain single,
To have seen too much to pretend,
To be free,
To have faith in dreams.

To be loved,
To live a life of choice and talent,
To be, To accept, To forgive.
To love, To fight, To live,
To love, To be loved
Compassionately.

A.M

Young Love

Your scent on my pillow,
Your kiss on my lips,
Oh, boy, so young and tender,
Your touch sweet and attentive,
Your embraces long and lasting,
Your promises sincere but unrealistic.

Your heart young and hopeless,
Willing to give me your life,
When I've given you nothing,
Oh, boy, young and proud,
Keep moving, take your scent,
Take your touch,
Take your sweet kisses,
Take it all away.

Daring, adventurous, boy friend,
Always telling me,
You miss me,
You want to see me,
Take me out to eat
Or eat me for dinner.

Sometimes I respond,
Sometimes I let it be,
I don't want to scar,
I don't want to break
Your porcelain heart,
Already sore with daddy issues.

Oh, young restless child,
In your love there is fear,
In your care there is worry,
You long to see me, to touch me,
While fearing my power
And the dangers of entanglement.

Always telling me you're coming,
When you're afraid of showing,
Face, feeling, vulnerability,
Always withholding your gifts,
From your friends and family.

Showing a superficial facade,
Decorated with tattoos
And a tender smile,
Hiding in a false reality,
Where you have to go to prison
To spend time with your father.

Your nature lacks responsibility,
You think you're a free spirit
But you're another poor soul,
Ashamed, rebellious,
Blaming yourself,
Wondering the streets
Without a father figure.

I have no room,
No room in my heart,
No space in my soul,
For your tenderness,
Your innocence,
I have no time,
No time to teach,
No patience for your fragile nature,
Your tattooed body, your stupidity,
Your impulsiveness, your carelessness.

Oh boy, young and scarred,
If I were you I wouldn't call,
I wouldn't come around,
Express how much you miss,
My mind, my body, my presence,
If I were you I'd stay away,
For that's the best you can do,
Before my soul adopts you,
Encloses you in my essence,
Stay away,
For both our sake.

A.M

Falling

Some people walk to the store and fall in love,
Some fall in love on the bus,
At work,
At the bar, at the club,
Some fall in love in their sleep,
Aspiring to become greater than,
Better than the self alone.

I fall in love on the train,
Reading Shakespeare,
Envisioning us as characters in a tragic play,
I fall in love at work,
Turn inwards,
Internalize you,
Introspective,
I focus on your beauty inside my soul.

My stoic expression causes them to ask,
"What's wrong, Amanda?"
I'm in love, fools,
I'm in longing, foolish humans,
I'm in love and can't be bothered.

I daydream at the gym,
Imagining your sweaty body next to me,
Running towards me,
Stretching next to me,
Lifting weights, I fall in love.

Love comes when you need it most,
To free you from the world,
To separate the ego from the soul,
Split feelings from blessings,
Flesh from light,
Memorization from experience.

Love offers you a chance to grow,
Blesses your spirit with freedom,
Freedom from judgment,
Misconceptions,
Spiritual diseases.

But many misinterpret,
Cheat it, use it,
Clinging to people and things.
Some go mad and blame love,
Trying to turn feelings into tangible things,
Emotions into promises,
Giving reason to spiritual sensations.

I write like I know
Because I'm blessed to see
Something you don't.
But if you ask me what I believe
I'll tell you I only believe in love.

For over and over I fall,
For you, for them, for everything,
I fall in love again and again,
For I cling to nothing
And give nothing but love.

And when you're alone
You reach for me,
You give me vanity,
Shallow pictures wrapped in fantasy.
And when I'm missing you
I give you what you ask,
And you stop and think
"What is it about this poetess
That makes me act so foolish?,
What is it about this woman
That makes me feel so stupid?"

But me, I'm beyond pondering,
Philosophizing, explaining my feelings,
I'm tired of over thinking and complaining.
I count the years on both hands,
And as each year passes I grow confident
I'll always love to fall in love with you,
Over and over, again and again,
I'll fall for the love I demand.

A.M

Walking Out

She walks out
He walks out
They walk out of the bar together

We share light
Hold hands in restaurants
Lay naked under the sun
We indulge in fun
Then walk out
Walk out of each other's life

We move on
Life goes on
And all that's left is light
All that's left are blessings
Gifts from the universe

All we are is light
There is only love
All we are is light
There is only love

We are only love
We travel through time
We allow a clock to tell us when to live
We hop in and out
In and out of each other's life

You walk out
Walk out of the bar
I pick you up
You get in my car
I take you home
But you won't let me love you

So I walk out
I walk out of your life
So you walk out
Walk me out of your heart

Time goes by
I open the door
You come running
Anxious to use me

We hop in
In and out
In and out of each other's life
We allow a clock to tell us when to live
Always walking away
In and out of each other's life

A.M

To My Boy Friends

Too many boys
I've lost my mind
I'll never think as a girl
Raised with boy cousins
I've taken beatings
I've thrown punches

But I can't keep away
I love my boys
They motivate
Inspire
A centered self
A stronger body
They shape me
Push me hard
To work harder

I can always be better
In the eyes of a boy
I can always win
I can be anything
In a man's mind
I'm a warrior
I'm here for a purpose

My lovely boys
Amazing spirits
I'm blessed
To be called a friend
To be one with them
It's important
Having boy friends
Opens perspective
Teaches
The opposing sex

My boys are sincere
They share wisdom
Or they share care
They show me
A new life
A new perspective
Of my own life
They pick me apart
They tell me my faults
They show me
The steps I have to take
To build the stair I need
To climb
To someone I'm happy with

Silly, playful, beautiful
They remind me
I'm not a guy in a girl's body
"Act like a lady",
"You behave with no morals"
When I burp in front of them
I tell them
"Your mother has no morals
For Having You"
And we laugh

I never cared to impress man
I don't look for boys
I don't search for men
They walk into my life
With common interests
My friends and I bond
We take care of each other
Well, they take care of me
Making sure I'm always happy

My boys are steal
No strangers may touch me
And cruel intentions are deadly
They will attack
My boys don't play
They guard me
Protect me
Many times I've been saved

And when they lie
It's superficial
And it's usually to protect me
My boys are all different
Unique spirits
Individual lives
Same male energy
Always ready to fight

I love my boys
I love my girls
But this is for you, guys

A.M

Angelic Dreams

We all wish we were angels, don't we? But I'm just a simple messenger, a seer of beautiful things. If angels walked the earth life would be a different proposition, a site to see, the streets filled with artists playing and singing and writing and drawing and painting and dancing. And the people would be so happy, there would be abundance of all needs, no one would be starved of food or affection, violence would not be necessary. Artists need to serve their purpose, to understand the beauty of their gift, to realize the importance of their work, to use the power of creation with love and compassion to promote awareness.

A.M

Quick Thoughts

All the physical things don't matter
And what you think about them don't matter
And how you feel about them don't matter

Your emotions are controlled by your brain
And when your brain chemicals are unbalanced
You will feel extreme emotional changes
From high to low rapidly
depending on which chemicals
You're lacking

When your brain's health is compromised
Your body will feel sick
And you'll experience everything
In a miserable state of being

Therefore nothing should matter
One should focus only on love
And stay away from those
Trying to control life

A.M

Blessed

If only I could see and experience through your eyes, your heart, your mind. Awareness is a blessing, I am still, the mind is still, experiencing what's in front of me. The heart wonders in memories and desires of fantasies to come, curious about the direction my spirit is taking. All we can do is be, be love, be aware, be strong, in control of our thoughts, acknowledging the presence of the God creator within us. As everything fades around us, as we fade from the inside out, we try to remain solid for as long as we can, we try to be invincible dying bodies because of our awareness of the eternal spirit within us. But our day will come, our hearts will stop beating, all that will be left of our mind is the thoughts we recorded, the creations we left behind, one day our spirits will move on. I live to learn, to understand the life I was born into, the purpose of being in this illusive reality. God bless your vision, may you always walk close to the source, stay connected to nature, to the birth and death of life. I'm blessed to be experiencing this world, blessed to have been given this body, this heart, this mind. The only lasting beauty is that of the heart.

A.M

To Finally Understand

The more we know the less we feel
I finally understand you
For I feel the same
I experience no desperation
No ill feeling
No agony, no remorse
No excitement for the unknown
The only remaining feeling is love

Because I am love
I am the feeling
I am the emotion that brings you close
Me and all my being
Me and my compassion
My broken understanding
Of what it is to relate
To another being

I finally understand
What I am here for
I finally see purpose in motion
My talent to give
To receive love

I finally see
Not just with eyes
But with soul
I finally feel
Not just with mind
But with heart and spirit
I feel every emotion around me
From everything that surrounds me
Clouds, Infects, blinds me
Secludes, isolates
Hurts, heals, breaks
The force that motivates
Applies pressure
Causes change
Transpires pure strength
Pure force, sole energy
Pushing, pulling all of us in

A heavy hand on my heart
My soul is with those children
Each brilliant soul lies in heaven
Playing with their relatives
Singing, creating melodies
Healing with laughter
Making new friends
Being young souls
Serving the universe with love

While my mind tries to forget
While I turn the channel
I remember
The thirty elementary school children
Shot on December of 2010
In Rio de Janeiro
"Why have God taken them so soon?"
Maybe they're better off away from here
We'll know soon enough

All we can do is give love
And pray for more love
To heal these types of sicknesses
The more we know the less we feel
So I close my mind and open my heart
I shut my eyes and see through my soul
I feed on familiar faces
While appreciating the unknown

A.M

Looking Out

Sitting on a plane
Looking out the window
In the midst of clouds
Our love floats about
Your mind spots mine
Thinking about you

You rush towards me
With your rusty spear
Piercing my chest
Infecting my heart
Filling my mind with memories
With desire of fantasies to come

You sit quietly
Wondering about me
Dreaming of touching bodies
Desiring me loudly
Screaming for my body

Your heart closed
With me in it
Touching from the inside
Healing through intention
Through compassion
My unconditional passion
Inspiring, inciting
Creating everlasting

Sitting next to older folks
Imagining us growing old
Loving your skin for life
Embracing your wrinkles
Your aches and your pains
Being patient through your rage
Understanding your heartache

Love, take this trip with me
Lay on my lap
Rest your head on my chest
Give me an arm to lean on
A chest to grab while lovemaking
A mouth to breathe into
Give your soft lips to taste
Your wet tongue to chew
Give me the body I long for
The heart I'm meant to touch

There is no other
No other love
There is no other
No other fool

A.M

To My Lover

I'm enclosed in his soul
He enfolds me in love
He embraces my heart
Envelops my body
With the light of his spirit

He opens me up
Tears down my walls
Drills into my essence
Stretches me open
Exposing the hurt
I quietly endure

He pleases my body
My mind, my soul
He opens the door
And I rush through
Racing into his body
Diving into his being
I hold on with all my limbs
Like a young child
Deprived of love

We lay awake
Talking, thinking, listening
Figuring out
Ways to eliminate the sickness
The fear eating my heart
We stay up playing music
Writing poetry
We stay up making love
Falling into each other's body
Playing inside each other's soul

He loves me, kisses my forehead
Lets me know he adores me
He teaches me different ways
Different methods of cultivating
My health, my emotions
My broken feelings

He shows me, he draws me
A world free of pain
Free of trouble
Where I don't have to worry
Where I don't have to fear
For the hurt, the wounded
The blind, the sick

He welcomes my beauty
My innocence, my light
He reaches deep inside
My essence
He brings me to life
Into his world
Of magic, of soul, of music

He plays my body
Intensely, soulfully
He uses me
Like one of his guitars
Hitting every note
Fiddling every curve
Awakening every organ
He plays me
Like a divine instrument
He creates sounds with my body
We chant, we create holy rituals
We become ecstasy

He exhausts his talent
Pleasing, pleading, praying
For my well being
As I lay worried next to him
The storm in my belly
Gets the best of me
Fear takes me away
But he pulls me back in
Harder, tighter, in love
With sentiment
He reminds me
We have each other

And I let him in
Deep inside me
Where I locked away
My feelings
Where I buried
The infatuation
I once felt for him
Where I hid the love
That sprouted when we met
All because in the beginning
He feared I was a crazy lady
When I was just crazy for him

I ran away, afraid of pain
I locked myself inside my heart
I numbed my feelings
I left, I traveled
I tried different souls
But his light always brought me back
His love, his passion
His sensuality, his caring heart
His healing hands, his strong body
His captivating energy
Brought me back to his bed
Time and time again

And now we're here
Satisfied, happy, comforted
Within each other's reach
Alive in each other's body
Making time to feel
Free, lifted, pleased
Laying together
Till responsibility knocks
Or till we're exhausted
Of taking and giving
Of pleasing and desiring
Of fantasizing and needing

You know me so well
I can't hide much
Besides my pain
My heartache
Attached to memories
Of a ghost

When I'm alone
I try to heal
I gather my pain
I break it, Grind it
Turn it into powder
I mold it, Transform it
I manifest love
But there is always more
Hurt

I'm happy you're here
I'm glad we're close
For the first time
Or for the millionth turn
The universe
Played its tricks on us
Separated to teach
Broke to fix
Set us apart
Sent us away
On separate journeys
On single missions
To guide, to learn
The value of soul connection

God blessed us
Brought us close
Once again
In light, in love
Through talent, with purpose
With pure energy and force

And even though we're free spirits
We know
We're part of each other's soul

A.M

As I Cried

And as I cried I held his hand as hard as I could,
And he said, "From now on I'm holding your hand everyday,
You're sharing in on my strength".
And my tears stopped and we drove to our destination.

And after he dropped me off he said,
"You're going to receive my love everyday,
I hope you can handle it.
It's going to be tiresome
But I'm strong and can endure it.
He doesn't deserve you"

And in my friend I found strength,
In his love I saw myself,
In his soul I saw my potential,
In his tears I experienced a love
That can heal any wound,
That can destroy any hurt
And renew my heart and soul.

And I told the undeserving soul,
"You're a lucky man to have me as a friend,
A heart as pure as mine is a rare find,
You should be lucky to teach me something
That could improve my mind and body"

And he said, "........."

If you're giving to someone and getting nothing in return
It's probably because they have nothing to offer.
And that's not your fault or theirs,
It's just the way life is at that moment and time.
All you can do is remove yourself from
That black hole sucking in all your love.

A.M

Loose Leaf

I'm a loose leaf surfing the breeze
Carried along by human wind
Vulnerable to your icy fingers
Sensitive to your heart's vibration
I feel everything you deny
I give you vision
But cannot open your eyes

The cold freezing
Breaking my crispy edges
I float on rivers of remorse
I swim in oceans of forgiveness
This weather has come to heal
This cold will freeze desires
Crystalize the love
The sorrow of unfulfilled fantasies

This weather will break the illusion
It will undue the spell
I've casted upon myself
The white snow will cover me
Lighten my dark mistakes
The ice will shock my soul
Revive my sleeping heart
Give me a chance at love

Your rough fingers pierced a hole
A wound in the center of my soul
Tearing me from the inside
Consuming me with frustration
Exposing all that's lacking
Absorbing all that's pain
All that's love

I'm floating in regret
I'm sorry for the things I said
I wanted an open lover
An honest friend
But all I got was pain

I'm floating in the wind
Aware
I won't see you again
I'm lost in the winter cold
In a heart of solitude
Surrounded by love

I set myself for failure
When I fought against nature
When I prayed for a miracle
To change a man's essence
My luck is that they're coming
My luck is that they're looking
They're coming to get me
They're looking to make me
Their love queen

They'll make medicine out of me
They'll squeeze the life from my veins
They'll juice the talent, the wisdom
They'll make a guide out of me

Meanwhile I surf the breeze
I'm moved by wind chill
Lost in regret
Sorry for everything
I shouldn't have said
A loose leaf in the cold air
Tearing from the inside
Freezing from the edges

Vulnerable to frustration
Sensitive to rejection
Welcoming desire
Praying to God
For more love
For more light
Building momentum
Floating along
Cold, in love and alone

A.M

You Shouldn't

You shouldn't leave 
Your lover waiting,
You shouldn't leave
Your heart craving,
You shouldn't put your desires on hold,
For your desires are your dreams,
And your dreams will sustain you.

You shouldn't leave my heart waiting,
My mind racing,
My dreams breaking,
My desires awakening,
To empty promises.

You shouldn't leave my lover waiting,
You shouldn't ignore his heart breaking,
You shouldn't put our desires on hold,
For our desires sustains us.

To give flight to fantasies,
To let my heart indulge,
To inspire my pen,
To awaken my body,
You shouldn't leave your lover waiting,
Keeping my heart craving.

A.M

Slip Into My Skin

Your touch drowns me,
Love pours through my body,
Like honey, making me sticky,
Wet with sweetness, soaking my skin,
Immersing my soul in ecstasy.

Your fingers reach inside me,
You touch my heart with ease,
The slightest feel infatuates,
Your hands reach into my soul,
You touch every nerve, every organ,
Grabbing, pulling my insides out,
Soaked in tenderness--I drown.

And you turn me on my belly,
Caress my chest, kiss my neck, bite my back,
And I’m gone, somewhere I can’t describe--
Lost in your hands, in your world, where you do your worst
And I allow, surrender to your heart’s desire-
To your lustful demands-- I am yours to have, to please,

Take my beauty, taint my soul, claim my heart--it’s yours.
Pour yourself into me, fall into every inch of my body,
Flood me, engulf me, fill me with your everything,
Sink into me, submerge me, dress me with your silhouette.

Fill every pore with your beauty, your graceful spirit,
Dip me in your essence, soak me in your sweet nectar,
Merge your body with mine, slip into my skin,
Let our hearts meet, smile together in one pulsating beat,
Let our souls speak, teach each other mystic secrets.

Infuse your body with mine, let me feel you inside,
Let our mouths meet, our lips dance, our tongues taste,
Let me smell the back of your neck, memorize your scent,
Let me feel you close, hold you against me as tight as I can,
I want everything you desire and love but ten times more,
Take my body, my heart, my soul--It’s all yours, my love.


A.M

Sem Sono

I want to trace your face with my finger tips,
I want to feel the moisture of your skin
On my skin,
I want to smell behind your ear,
I want your scent on me,
I want to rub your head until you fall asleep.

I want to touch your soul,
To feel our bodies merge,
I want to kiss your lips
And swallow you whole.

It's not that you love me,
It's that I am love,
It's not that I love you,
It's that I am love,

With faith that you can be love 
And free from wondering 
If you're ever good enough.

You hold the key in your heart,
Accept love when given to you,
Discern the ones who love you
From the ones who act like they do.

Love without commitment,
Care for those around you.
Live passionately, try your luck,
Gold favors the bold. 

Follow the Poet,
He knows where he's going,
(Aware of his mortality),
He lives for today,
And loves for tomorrow,
Welcoming life and accepting death.

Watch for the shy Poetess,
She speaks without words,
You receive her messages in your own voice.
What she writes is a glance at what she sees. 

Watch for the broken-hearted Goddess,
She'll enchant your heart,
She'll fill you with love,
She'll teach you how to forgive and let go.

Watch for the girl next door,
To her you're a dream,
An ideal she must manifest,
To her you're perfection to be mastered.


A.M

OUT OF TIME.

You have the rest of your life to play,
You have the rest of your life to love.

You have to learn now,
And get it out of the way,
So you can peacefully age,
And love and play.

You have to study now,
The test is today.
The work of great novelists,
Can inspire your way.

Being open to learning
Can improve your quality of life.
Reading can lead to research,
Which can lead to knowledge,
Which can imagination inspire.

My imagination can make life wonderful,
Or dreadful, it's my choosing.

With thinking,
Learning and loving,
Comes understanding,
Of self, others, and purpose.

Ruminating is my curse, so I've read,
In articles written by critics who don't create,
But simply review and bash the talented.
But in this case they are right.

Though it is a heavy burden upon my mind,
I'm grateful for every minute of pain,
I might have subjected my mind to,
Ruminating.

A writer creates his world,
He lives in his own time-zone.
There are no rules,
Inspiration runs free.
Ideas become journals,
Journals become stories,
Stories become lessons,
And lessons heal readers.

You have to wonder,
You have to doubt,
Or the answers wont come out.

You can live without knowing.
Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it must be,
To go through life completely unaware.
I suppose it would be splendid.

But whether you're sleeping or awake,
You must be sensitive.
Whether you're in a self-made dream
Or part of the harsh realities of war and casualties,
You have to be compassionate.

Whether you're rich or poor,
Mentally gifted or struggling to add two and two,
You have to learn to care for those around you.

Or else you're a leech,
Feeding on the blood of your peers,
Sucking the life of your friends and family,
Stealing light from those who love you,
Draining the ones you love the most.

Don't take love if you can't give love.

If you can't learn to love yourself,
To respect the world,
To appreciate life,
You won't be able
To compassionately love,
To passionately dream,
To unselfishly desire.

These things may sound far fetched to you,
Maybe you can't even imagine what I just described.
But someday you will wish for peace of mind.
And when you do I hope you remember,
Peace is acquired through love.

Invest in your health,
Remain aware at every moment,
Treat your body as it deserves.
Flourish your mind, for it needs to aspire,
To experience and understand,
Love-unconditional.

A.M

The Calm

Maybe I'm too high,
On this love,
And you're too drunk,
To know, how to be,
Someone for someone else.

Maybe I'm too gone,
To know how to act now,
To know what I want,
From this love, now.

Maybe we're too intoxicated,
To know happiness,
Through relationships.

I could never tell,
You were always drunk to me,
I could never tell,
You were always gone to me.

But never far enough,
Never inebriated enough,
To just let go.
Can you put away the past,
And enjoy the present moment?

Impulsive and passionate,
Spontaneous and sick,
Your nature is careless,
And your passion, fueled by liquor.

Who are you when you're sober?

Never aware, always motivated,
By egotism, yet nothing you ever did,
Ever did impress your ego.

A strict disciplinarian,
I have no patience for unawareness.

Always drunk,
Never an artist,
Never a lover,
Never gifted enough
To think of pleasing another.

If I told you, you had to play my body,
Like an instrument,
Would you know how?
To play the songs of heaven's delight,
Could you figure it out?

A good lover knows his way around.
In between two melting bodies
There should be no fear,
In between two touching souls,
There should be no worries.

There should be a little death,
A complete surrender,
A total merging of body and soul.
We should be drunk
On love's nectar,
We should be faint
With breathlessness.

Burning red flames,
Igniting your entire being,
Consuming you whole,
Inciting your desires,
Fueling your fantasies.

You feel your organs pulsing,
Wanting to escape your body.
Your heart beating so fast,
It hurts against your chest.

And you love it,
Because you're there,
In the moment,
Feeling everything....

You allow someone to step into you,
Carelessly, unknowingly, scared,
You open your heart and let them in.

You trust them,
You share your heart,
You give your light.
You let them step into your soul,
You hold their hand and let them guide you.

There, deep, deep, deep inside your soul,
They tiptoe around, bruise you a bit,
You feel the pain and you love it.

The sweet bitterness,
Prompting you to stick around,
To overindulge in passion,
To oversimplify,
Your numbed emotions.

You stick around for the thrill,
Of every fight, of every night,
You anticipate their arrival,
You care about their day.

You wonder,
If they're also hiding from the rain,
Snuggled up in bed thinking of you.
You wonder,
Whether they can see the full moon.

You desire to share every moment beside them.
You ask, you give, you care.
When they walk through the door,
You embrace them.

But we won't,
Not with our stubbornness,
Not with our drunkenness,
Not with our kind of selfishness,
Not with our sick hearts.

We must lay, half awake-half alive,
Half unknowingly-half unconscious.
We must experience everything at a glance,
Small moments of happiness at a time.

"Take it one day at a time",
Oh, what great advice.
So that's what I'll do,
That's what I'll do for us,
And our bad habits,
Of hurting each other.

Sobriety of mind is the best sobriety.
I hope to know what it feels like,
To be freed from these instincts,
Killing my patience, stressing my mind,
Like I'm plugged into a clock.

Endlessly high on my dreams,
I wouldn't want to leave this drunkenness,
This peace,
Acquired through passionately dreaming.

Suffering is a way of life,
Everyday there's a war,
A Fight,
A killing,
A parting,
A sadness.
Everyday there is death,
There is battle.
Everyday there is work
For the light warriors.

The goal is not to stop suffering,
But to overcome it,
To learn how to live and create,
Despite the hardships,
In spite of the sickness.

Everyday I accept the challenges,
To conquer the mind,
To cultivate the soul.
I believe I found a serene place,
In my mind,
Where I create,
Where I inspire,
Where I love.

In a perpetual high state,
Most of my time is spent loving,
Or writing about loving,
Or being love drunk.
So I wouldnt know much.

A.M.

Reflection

Just like that the feelings are gone, 
But where do they go?
And will they return?

What they don't tell you is that
When old feelings part
New feelings create,
New emotions form.
New feelings that if unnoticed 
Can manifest into destruction.

What they don't tell you is that
You'll fool yourself many times 
Before you get it right
Or learn what you're doing wrong.

I can't say I'm on the right path,
But I know where I am
And I see all the places I want to go. 
You would call me a flight risk,
Though I never leave you. 

Five years of wanting and wondering
Turned me into a mad woman, but
I'd like to think I was insane before I met you.
I think I'm healing,
I'd like to think that I am. 

I want to say no to you,
But can I? 
And what do the new feelings mean?
And where have the old feelings gone?
And will they return with you?

A.M

In Passing

The mellow haze that laid on my brow
Has melted with the sweat of suffering.
The heart is ready to push forward,
The mind is ready to leave the past behind.
My breath is slow and steady and when I think of you,
I no longer second guess.
I know who you are,
And I know who I am--
complete opposites
Taking advantage of each others sickness,
Playing each others fantasy.
We are not real,
We are perfect--
You give me what I want
And I play along,
Your dirty culprit.
I've said it in the past
And I'll say it again now, 
-there's nothing wrong with happiness.

A.M

Masquerade

Call me a fool,
But I find Rejection inspiring to the soul.
It is the bittersweet medicine 
Healing me from who I am,
Creating who I want to be
And the desire to soar out of here
And fly back home
And live by the ocean 
Under coconut trees and beautiful women. 

My friends once told me that
Interest shows weakness,
And It's better to be unhappy 
And proud than to express your desires.

So one should withhold their emotions 
And grow miserable? One should
live in a cage made by their own hands?

Some have said,
Life is a game of charades
That only your friends play,
Where you stand guessing,
Helping, waiting to play,
 angry,
Waiting your turn,
Your chance,
But it never comes. 

My Dad always told me to live,
To travel, to read, to taste new foods.
He gives me lectures and we read together,
But It's hard to impress a hard working man
with multiple degrees in things you have no clue in. 

But today he'll be impressed,
Today I'll live more than ever,
Today I'll play,
Play on my own,
Today I'll win,
Win alone.
I'll cut the strings tied to misery. 
I won't care anymore
About doing things I don't have to
To impress those who don't love me.
Today I'm going to step outside my box
And walk toward the noise calling my heart. 

Today I'll leave my pride behind
And express my love for the world,
Today I won't masquerade,
I'll feel everything naturally. 
Today I'll cry for caring,
I'll weep for another's pain, 
I'll feel everything naturally,
Today I won't masquerade.

 I'll let the torment spread
From my core to the smallest nerves,
Today I'll let life swallow me whole. 

Today I'll dance and sing and love
And love again and love again
And love again

A.M

Back to Black

I’m back, back to when we first met,
Back to dropping everything to see you
Every chance I’d get. I’m here, alone,
You haven’t been here for some time now.

I use to think I was mad,
Now I know I simply love you.
People usually think it’s cute
When a girl feels the way I do about you.

But I’m a woman who knows better
Than to desire one who won’t have her,
And though I wish I had magic powers,
My love doesn’t charm, doesn’t overpower.

My love isn’t angry, my love isn’t jealous,
My love won’t force two people together.
But my love will always be enough
To keep you feeling loved for the rest of your life.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here,
Maybe I should have taken that job,
But I remember being thousands of miles away
And still feeling the way I do today.

This distance kills me little by little.
We’re far in thought, we’re far in heart,
We’re far in time, we’re far in mind,
Though your body is only a few miles from mine.

I’m back to the place we last met,
I’m back to the first night we ever had,
I’m back to dreaming of seeing you again-
To desiring the warmth of your skin on my skin.

I’m back to dreaming of getting lost in your eyes,
Of looking deep and finding myself inside.
I’m back and risking the chance
You’ll never be where I am.

There isn’t much I can do,
I’m not a part of you,
And maybe, just maybe, that’s why I can’t quit,
Loving you is the most stubborn thing I ever did.

I’m back, black and blue for you.
I’m back to black for I can’t stop loving you.
I’m back for loving is my talent, hobby and career,
I’m back for you, lover of nothing, won’t you let me love you?

A.M

Invisible

All the tears he squeezed out of his eyes
Have brought no conclusion,
It seems his misfortune is his own choosing.
The more he desires the less he has ,
In his heart he lives and wanders lost.

He cannot see inside his soul,
Where only his lover has been,
The place containing his mystery,
The purpose of his mistakes,
The conclusion to the lessons,
The answers desired to heal.
Everything he wants and needs
Lays inside a place he can`t reach.

Life won`t grant him entrance,
He has not earned the privilege
To reduce his penance,
He hasn`t been bestowed vision
To see ahead of time.

You wish you could see,
But you can`t,
You can`t see it,
You can`t reach it,
The open wound,
The space needing filling,
The sensuous vulnerability,
The surrender of ego.

There deep inside,
Where only your lover can see,
Your naked soul,
Your reflection in a mirror.
All the answers you seek
There deep inside yourself.

In that place you sealed shut,
For fear of anyone seeing,
The messy place you keep,
The place you won`t assume
For fear of what is in it,
The place you pretend not to have
Because you`re ashamed of the mess.

A place to be conquered,
Captivated,
Pleased,
A place to be Loved.
The place where we blindly meet
To fly inside each others heart.

So he writes,
In case his soul speaks to him,
He writes back to his dreams.
And if all fails he remains hopeful
For he knows he can see through his queen.
Tonight he'll enter his soul while in hers,
Again, to fill the place he can`t reach
With things he does not possess.

A.M

You can`t answer death

I`ve ran out of reasons to write
I`ve ran out of things to say

All I feel is an echo
Deep inside my belly
Where I cannot contract
Where I cannot kill
Where I cannot die

Here I must endure its beauty
Grow passionate about what pains me
Here I must love
All the things that hurt me
And accept my enemies as friends
Here I must love
Forgive and understand
Trust and respect who I am

Here I must celebrate life
Here where I cannot swallow pain
And wait it out and bleed it out
Heal and pretend nothing happened
This is not simple
This is difficult
This is where you are defined
Characterized by your own self

Here is where you are happy
When you do what you love
You understand what pleases
The beautiful architecture of life
Amazes and sets a new standard of happiness

A new way to see life and all its miracles
Celebrate being alive today
Tomorrow may not come for you
And you might find yourself lost
In between life and death
In between an echo
Deep inside your soul
Where you cannot contract
Cannot make it go away
By sucking it in
And pretending it doesn`t hurt

You can`t answer your own questions
Your humanity limits you
You cannot see without eyes
And nothing you can do can answer death


I love you, Andrew. I`ll miss you.

A.M

Gone Before You

You found me broken, sad
You love me dearly, mad
I can`t, I won`t, I`m gone
You can, you did, you will
Hold on till you`re out of fuel

I`m heartless when you`re sad
I tell you I`m just heart-full
Too full for you to fit into
You call me cruel
I wish I could stop your tears
And the feeling that pours with it

This time you cry alone
I cried my tears long ago
For a boy whose heart was full
Who couldn`t and wouldn`t
I called him heartless too
Labeled him as cruel

I can`t stop the pain
This I tried before
You can`t stop the rain
For you love me so
You`re keen to me
But I`ve been gone
Long before you

My love is broken, sad
Your love is selfless, mad
I can`t, I won`t, I`m gone
You can, you did, you will
Hold on till you`re out fuel

You say I`m in your heart
But I`m far away from love
I can`t, I won`t, I`m gone
You can, you did, you will
Hold on till you're out of fuel

This time you cry alone
I cried my tears long ago
For that boy you know
The one who filled me so
I`ve been out of fuel
Gone before you

A.M

Reaching And Falling

Men reach and fall, they reach and they fall.

I’ve always felt the kingdom inside me,
imprinted in my soul,
memories of living in a citadel with ionic columns
and black and white marble flooring.
I`ve worn laurel leaf crowns, ridden golden chariots,
had flower petals thrown on me upon my arrival.
I've sat in a throne of jewels, slept in a bed of mink.
I’ve bathed in a pool of roses and swam in a private beach.
I’ve fetched gems in the ocean and made necklaces for my king.

I’ve seen poor men grow rich and I’ve watched rich men die poor.
I’ve seen ambitious men lose their souls for a few pounds of gold.
I’ve seen murderous men granted second chances.
I’ve seen the devil reward the wicked
for bringing misery upon the innocent.
I`ve watched men rise and fall, rise and fall again.

Men have a way of falling for those who fight them.
They have a way of loving those who don’t love back.
Men have a way of leaving devotion, affection, freedom.
They have a way of breaking their own hearts for vanity.
Men have a way of running all the way back to their fears.
They have a way of surrendering to their worst enemy.

I’ve seen a million hearts break for unrequited love.
I`ve seen a million slaughtered bodies for one man`s glory.
I`ve seen a million souls die for one man`s greed.
I’ve seen a million lives destroyed for a drug addict`s luxury.
I’ve seen a million leaders
pocket the blood and sweat of their people.
I`ve seen a million wars fought for hate, for power, for fortune.
I`ve seen a million greedy men bring recession upon nations.

I’ve fled burning cities, traveled by foot and by ship,
took refuge in the barren desert, watched fresh blood mix with sand.
I`ve seen innocent men crucified for their beliefs,
seen their bodies nailed to crosses then stoned to death.
I`ve smelled burning bodies in blazing ditches
and watched flesh turn to ash.
I’ve seen a thousand ships get swallowed by Poseidon,
loaded with treasure, weapons, babies, mothers and fathers.
I’ve seen a thousand wives mourn dead warriors,
heard their screams and cries and quiet suicides.
I’ve seen a thousand mothers lose sons and never recover,
then drown in the sea overcome by grief.

I`ve had my heart break a million times and over again.
I`ve loved the good in man who did not see love in me.
I`ve been swayed by bad chi, wooed by lustful vanity.
I`ve been cheated by loathsome voracity, used by shallow creeps.
I deceived death with a kiss, resigned complete happiness,
left a good man at the altar, ran to the end of my dreams,
married death and misery.

I`ve watched myself reach and fall, reach and fall again.
As a princess, as a queen, as a slave, as a captive,
as a poet, as a writer.
I’ve suffered the same, I`ve felt equal pain.
I`ve had every sin committed against me.
I`ve been injured, robbed, deceived,
I`ve been cheated, hated, envied.
I`ve been prideful, I’ve been greedy,
I`ve lusted, coveted, betrayed.
I`ve committed every sin.
On my knees in prayer I repented.

I got off my horse and began to walk.
I parted from the riders who pushed right on.
Aimlessly I wandered looking for a place of my own.
I searched, I asked around, but no one seemed to know.
I thought I reached a safe place but soon found out
I could not build a kingdom of conscience with a purposeless heart.

To reach for a free soul I forfeited my tiara.
To reach for my laurels I surrendered power.
I was born again, naked, bold with no desire for gold,
rich with creative power.
I stripped myself of vain pursuits to fulfill a conscious duty-
to learn, to observe, to record the reaching and falling of men.

Patiently I watch as history repeats itself.
From a detached perspective I see men drown
but dare not help them out.
From behind my gated heart I try to understand-
bankrupt nations borrowing their way out of debt,
impoverished people rioting against elected leaders,
malnourished souls sitting on the key to freedom`s door.

I see men who want change but refuse to change themselves.
As fear continues to drive men to destroy one another,
they take ten steps back and one step forward.
We will never end war if only half of us love.
With enough nuclear power to destroy the world ten times over
we continue to reach and fall,
until the universe wipes us out for a new start.

In my throne of solitude I am the queen of air.
In my sanctuary of peace I live for one desire, one purpose only—
To create, to achieve immortality.

A.M

Beneath The Surface

Beneath the Surface-
There`s a cell seeking growth.
There`s a wound that won`t close.
There`s a room with no door.
There`s a sickness with no hope.

Beneath the Surface-
There`s a box of unopened gifts.
There`s a case of reserved emotion.
There`s someone locked away.
There`s men waiting to be saved.

Beneath the Surface-
There`s the rage you cultivate.
There`s the sadness you cage.
There`s the pain you inflict.
There`s the hate you create.

Beneath the Surface-
There`s a heart to be played with.
There`s a dormant desire to awaken.
There`s a hidden prejudice to kill.
There`s a concealed passion to unveil.

Beneath the Surface-
There`s longing to be fulfilled.
There`s beauty to be shown.
There`s talent to be used.
There`s truth to be known.

Beneath the Surface-
There`s freedom to be claimed.
There`s love to be shared.
There`s compassion to be given.
There`s forgiveness to be learned.

Beneath The Surface
There’s a world unknown.

A.M

Last Embrace

And when we see each other
it will be like we never parted,
our time apart will evaporate,
memories will be erased,
time will turn back,
rewind to our last embrace.
Years will feel like days,
entire seasons will flash in minutes.
A flashback of disappointment
will play in our heads,
we’ll look back in retrospect
and feel the anguish that followed
our careless decision to give up on magic.

And our souls will say,
“We’ve been waiting for this”.

Our minds will shatter,
we’ll break into tears
as we reminisce
being apart for so many years.
In our favorite restaurants,
eating our favorite foods,
seeing our favorite bands,
singing our favorite songs,
alone or in relationships
with faces we no longer know.

And our souls will say,
“We`ve been together all along”.

And when our bodies meet
passion will overtake us.
We’ll rejoice in the marvel
of being in each other’s presence.
Our hearts will race with joy,
our faces will melt with warmth,
we’ll faint into each other’s arms,
fall into the haven our mingling skin,
savor the sweetness of touching lips,
feel the miracle of pure love
rushing through our veins.

And our souls will say,
“Now we are three- mind, soul, body”.

Our minds will feel old, tired, cold,
scarred from abuse and abusing.
Our skin will be weathered
with layers of handprints
from those we no longer touch,
from hands that held no love.
Our hearts will feel young
and rejoice in celebration,
and we’ll cry as we remember
the day we said goodbye,
to meet again another time,
to love again another day
that never came.

And our souls will say,
“We were never apart,
why do you weep today?”.

With our minds full of pain,
our hearts full of sorrow,
we’ll ask our souls,
“Was the pain necessary?”
“Was the suffering essential
for this love to flourish in full form?”.

And love`s voice will infatuate our hearts,
sing us an angel’s song
to soothe our pain and lift our worries,
to slay our shallow illusions,
to eliminate our selfish confusion.
Love will bless us with divine compassion,
show us the path we blindly sought after.

And you will feel me inside like never before,
you`ll see my roots deep within your heart,
the beauty that never left your side.
And new seeds will sprout,
flourishing your barren garden,
making it fruitful once more.
And you will realize we never parted,
our spirits journeyed together
through our trials and successes-
our souls never severed.
I`ve been beside you all along,
holding on.
Your heart, your soul, your energy,
thrives inside me.

And I will love you into the afterlife
with the everlasting passion
that burns inside my heart.
Our bodies will wither with time
but my spirit will never leave yours.
And you will understand unconditional,
eternal life in a mortal body,
divine conscience in a ego mind,
selfless compassion in a fearful heart.

When we see each other you will know,
every smile, every poem, every expression
has been for you- all for you, my love.
I’ve been sent here to love you
and I’m never letting go.
Through the good and the bad,
in sickness and in health,
forever until death do us part
and our souls are free from this life.
Until eternity embraces us
and makes us one,
until the end of the lessons
we`ve been sent here to learn.
I’ll keep you alive inside me,
I’ll treasure your memory,
and pray for more time beside your body.

Until then…


A.M

STILL

Still

She`s 4-
Disheartened, begging her mom not to go.
He`s 8-
Misguided, beating up brats in the playground.

She`s 9-
Sheltered, wishing she could play with others.
He`s 12-
Resentful, mourning the death of his father.

She`s 13-
Neurotic, chasing boys who don`t like her.
He`s 15-
Degenerate, drawn to drinking and gambling.

She`s 17-
Vain, pursuing ideals, seeking an identity.
He`s 19-
Insecure, classified by what he doesn`t own.

She`s 20-
Introspective, recording thoughts, quoting philosophy.
He`s 22-
Detached, getting what he can from a one night stand.

She`s 23-
Spontaneous, in love, invested in her passion.
He`s 25-
Green, passing out drunk in a friend`s apartment.

She`s 26-
Deluded, spending more time in dreams than in reality.
He`s 28-
Unaware, sailing blindly through a sea of relationships.

She`s a brokenhearted recluse.
He`s a bitter fool.
She begs him not to go
And he beats himself up.

Still

A.M

Love Can Take Us Out

Love can take us out-

If we could see,
Open our eyes and see
The kingdom within-
True treasure, pure beauty
Inside of you, inside of me.
If we could see the light within
(Nature`s consciousness)
Universal intelligence planted in our genes.
If we could see the purpose, the life design-
If we could see as architects, creators of our lives.

Love can take us out-

Into our own dimension
Made of pure light,
Into a new plane, a celestial consciousness
Apart from ego, away from guilt.
Love can take us out-
Segregate us from the sickness, the egoism,
Deteriorating, separating, killing sympathy.
Love frees us from the struggle,
Delivers us into soul peace,
Releases us from shallow instincts.

Love can take us out-

Our desires can keep us grounded,
Satisfied day to day,
Drunk from pleasant moments,
Waiting for the spell to break.
Love can take us out-
Tame the stubborn animal,
Awaken the killer beast
(The angel warrior within our hearts
Ready to slay our wickedness).

Love can take us out-

Give us soul wings,
Let us soar without body,
Releases us from the grip of gravity,
Awake us from the fantasy.
When lust becomes insatiable,
When satisfying primal instincts doesn`t sustain,
When flesh desires can`t hold us together,
When our faults set us apart,
When the lover is gone.

Love can take us out-

Remind us of who we are,
What we`re made of,
Shine a light into our soul so we can clearly see
The beloved traveling inside our spirit,
Free of vanity, worries, vulgarity.
Love takes us inside ourselves
So that we may search our broken pieces
For the treasure in our heart
(The beauty that sustains, enriches our existence).

Love can take us out-

Out of the race, out of the fight,
Into a peaceful retreat at the heart of life,
Into a new beginning in soul heaven.
Love carries us out of the battlefield,
Out of the war and into a sacred reserve
Away from illusion, free from ego delusions.
Love shows us our joys and sorrows
So that we may discern our faults.
Love breaks our shallow world
So that we may rebuild with wisdom.

Love can take us out-

Into the mystery of our dreams,
Grant us entrance into our true being,
Show us our soul kingdom,
Teach us to nurse our essence,
For happiness is cultivation of the living spirit.
Love takes us out of poverty, spiritual misery,
And illuminates the beauty in our heart
So that we may thrive and guide
Other souls to its sacred spring.


A.M

Dreaming Awake

Love isn`t longing, it isn`t pain
It isn't suffering
Love doesn`t rot, it isn`t flesh
Love doesn`t break, it`s isn`t glass
Love is permanent, indestructible
Pure wisdom, rooted insight
Unreachable by ego, unachieved by mind
Unfeasible by greed, unfelt by selfish desires

Love is soul passion, carried around
From lover to lover, brother to brother
Mother to daughter, father to son
From friend to foe, love changes hearts
Love is what you are, what you can`t let go
Can`t kill, can`t change, what`s instilled in you
Springing from your soul, the need to grow
To share, to give of yourself, completely, freely

Love is kindness, it is beauty
Love is the song composed by the heart
Playing over and over in your soul station
Love isn`t fear of losing, it isn`t absence
It`s not possessive, controlling or anxious
Love is presence, charisma
A heart filled with awareness
Love is the freedom to be oneself with the beloved
To show your silliness and express your concerns
To listen to their worries and console without judgment
To undress your body and mind in front of the beloved`s eyes

Love is knowledge, It is conscious
Love is the silence, the blank in between
Each thought of the beloved
Love is the smile on your face when you hear their name
The silent long breaths when lost in their memory
Love isn`t waiting, wanting, missing
Love is the certainty that everywhere you are
The beloved is with you
Love is knowing you`re together
When you`re a million steps away

Love is the willingness to share everything you are
To give everything you have to make the beloved happy
Love isn`t hateful, revengeful
Love is forgiving, accepting, understanding
Love is Compromising
It is going to sleep without your lover
And awakening with their shadow
Love is sharing the passion, The tenderness
The patience, loving has taught me
It is the gladness, The gratefulness
Of being happy and able to express myself to you

A.M

Mary Ellen

Pretty, but she doesn’t know
I love her whole, body, mind, soul
The little dimples on her butt
Her heart shaped face
Glowing cheek bones
She smiles, shrugs her shoulders
Chuckles while she speaks
Talks like she knows
Right from wrong

Naked, golden honey tan
Straight brown hair tied back
Hitting the middle of her back
Sitting on the sand
Drinking, talking, articulating
Free
Like she knows a secret hidden to me
Confidence, the beauty of letting go
Being, one with the ocean

Beautiful, but she doesn`t think so
Look at me, look right here
Striking creature, all knowing
What do you know that allows you
To float about this nude beach so free
Making me feel like an ugly duck
Hiding under its mother`s wing

What is it, Mary Ellen,
That makes you oh so special to me
Your smile spells out beauty
Pure, simple, erotic poetry
Your eyes reveal mystic secrets
A gaze filled with desires
Stories, the love you`ve given
The passion you long to share
In your smirk I find daring fantasies
Inviting, calling me
I`m ready to jump, I want to leap
Right into your open face
Bathe in the spring beyond your gaze

I want to open you up
Look in every fold
Feel your every curve
I want to see, I want to feel
Invite me in
Like a vampire I`m waiting to enter
To devour you

Gorgeous, but she doesn't think so
Floating about, a nude angel
A butterfly sitting on a rainbow
With purple shaded wings
I know you taste pure, perfumed
Let me smell your flowers
The garden blooming between you

Too scared to talk to you
Introduce my desires onto you
To bear the consequences
Of reading you this letter
So I watch you
Record your every move
To remember you
Beautiful, free
Without prejudice, without fear
Mary Ellen, stunning, beauty
But she`d never believe me


A.M

Solitude Flourishing

Somewhere far away
In another sky
In another plane
We dance together
Out beyond clouds
Above the blue
I dance with you
Touch your porcelain skin…

It`s not easy
Watching your wax figure
Melting before me
The sun was never your friend
Though nature loves you
Each plant, each tree
Wave their branches for you, dear
My body opens for you to come in

An ocean inside me
Waves crash against my ribs
I feel salt water on my throat
As the tide rises to my eyes
It hurts and I cry
Salt drops…
Stings
Blurs my vision of you, dearest

I`m growing old
I feel less, I feel more
Less needs, more love
Less of you, more of me
Though some days
I`m made of solitude
An empty pyramid
To be filled with a pharaoh and his jewels

Some days I`m an empty tomb
No body, no soul
Just space, an empty place
Waiting for life or death
Some days I`m a tree
Suffering the change of weather
Tearless
Standing tall through the rain and wind

Vulnerable to the lumberman around me
The sun makes my skin fluorescent green
Once in a while a man comes
Prunes my branches, cuts me down
But I grow back up
Thinner branches and a stronger core
My roots spread, extend, reach far
I grow, I grow, I grow!

Explore the earth
Move the soil, create my world
New, full, tall
I grow, I grow, I grow!
In every direction
Inside, outside, I grow…
Most days I`m a child
Learning, observing, writing to understand

And everyday
In eternity somewhere
Our hearts meet
To feel each other, to melt together
Become one, full body, full soul
Somewhere far away
In another sky, in our own dimension
We dance
And grow
Closer together

A.M

Noite

Noite quente; noite fria

Doce solidão, minha agonia
Que me inspira e me enterra
Num túmulo de pedra
Rara, bela, esmeralda
Verde, brilhante, fria
Banhada em jóias como faraó
Em ricas pirâmides sem vida

Noite de tímidos desejos
Vontades mortas pelo medo
Que se despertam e se revelam
Numa noite rica e bela

Noite de temporal e ventania
Que desarma minha alma
E ilumina minha mente
Dando rumo a sonhos
Propósito ao coração
Que batia calado, cansado
Sem motivo nem razão

Noite acesa que me queima
Consome e guia
A contente nostalgia
Solidão, minha rodovia
Que me leva a entender
Os caminhos percorridos
Pelos ventos do prazer

Noite que me faz perder
Toda esperança do normal
Noite que me queima a alma
E enlouquece o querer
(A humilde vontade de te ter)

Noite fria que maltrata
Meus pés gelados, enrugados
Tremendo de prazer
Pelo amor que me resta ter

Noite sem vergonha
Revela-se nua para mim
Mostra sua cara de sonhos
E abandonos sem fim

Noite que me leva ao delírio
De querer tudo e não poder
Noite de velas e orações
Para Erato e Euterpe
Que me ajudam a compor
Essas linhas embaralhadas
Sem sentido ou pudor

Noite bela de ilusões
Que aquece meu espírito
E dá vida a solidão
Que enterrei ao viajar
Pro outro lado do mundo

Longe dos teus olhos azuis
Aonde me perco e me acho
Numa insanidade profunda
Que mata a mulher
E ressuscita o poeta

Noite de fadas e dragões
Lutando pelo mesmo amor
Único e eterno, lúcido e cego
De muitos nomes e razões
Mas de um só coração

Noite crua que me enoja
Pois me faz olhar pra dentro
(Dentro da imagem no espelho)
Dentro dos meus olhos cor de mel
(Cheios de desejos)
Desejos que deixo pra trás
Pois me perco se abraço
Daquilo que quero
Pois sempre quero mais

Noite de querer e não poder
De deixar um gosto amargo
Nos lábios das ninfas egoístas
Que de tudo querem mais

Noite de inverno seco
De chuva ácida
Que queima a pele de desejo
Com seu sabor doce e amargo
Combinação única, perfeita
Torno-me viciada

Noite de loucos amores
Noite de poesia
Que me mata e me inspira
Amar e escrever loucuras

A.M

Day Slave

Oh day, my day, the only day I know
Oh, morning, you have no mercy
Waking me so abruptly
With no regard of how I slept or if I slept at all
Or if my body`s tired, battered, sore
You come in, casting your light
Burning my eyes with sunshine
Always making me seem displeased
With your presence--arriving so early
Always making me look grumpy and lazy
While others around anticipate your coming
Rejoice with fresh brewed coffee and crispy French bread-
That went into the oven at 4a.m
Right when I was beginning to fall asleep
After tossing and turning for hours, restlessly
Or having gotten up once, twice, three times
To add lines to a poem I`m working on
Oh, day, fierce, powerful, holy, Godly (some might say)
How can I fight you—you always arrive whether I’m ready or not
A 9 to 5 soul might not understand my disdain, my fear of day
But a self consuming Poet knows my battle with mornings
A shameless insomniac-
The dark night is my hiding place (my escape)
While the day is a reality show I never signed to be a part of
Good days seldom come, scarce memories of pleasant mornings
Too few to change my attitude, to give me fortitude
It`s usually just a sticky bog where everywhere I step I get stuck
With ghosts pulling at my feet-
Wanting me to live their lives for them
And so I prefer the night, where the creatures are out in plain view
With their names displayed in name tags or in books-
On dusty shelves in public libraries
Or in the paranormal section at Amazon-
Their identities exposed for everyone to see
Seek, address them or hide in fear
The creatures of night don`t hide in the light as day monsters do-
Do-gooders running around, granting favors to friends and strangers
While their parents rot in nursing homes
And their kids scream in locked closets-
Where I can`t see them but only feel their agony
And hear their desperate pleas
Oh, day, of creating, building living space
Or destroying to build parking space
Day of creating solutions to problems we made yesterday
Oh, day, of new dates, couple meetings-
Cheating, leaving and heartbreak
Oh, day, of work, of hard labor-
Of stress, of wasting health to buy health products-
Protein shakes, exercise equipment, gym memberships, vitamins
Day of working to buy and buy and buy…
A new home, a new car, a new phone, a new bride…
Oh, day, of building-
Of stacking brick on top of brick to build a happy life
Oh, day, I know nothing about
The day I know is invasive, pervasive
Always catching me by surprise--
Giving start to a routine I was not made to adapt
The day that comes in and destroys everything I`ve built at night
The day that picks me up by my feet, flips me upside down
And shakes everything I stand for out!
The day that comes and takes the peace-
I struggled to create the previous evening
And revives the ghosts I slay with the help of friends and sanity
This is the day I know-
The day that commands my nature and contradicts my heart
This is the day I know-
The day that enslaves my soul and makes me work purposelessly
The day that distracts me from my purpose; passion; poetry

A.M

Philadelphia

Cars in traffic, new and old-
Trains and buses filled with people.
Triple lanes, filled highways-
1 boulevard or 95 expressway.
More machines than people it seems-
Programmed beings.
Tourists, socialites, students,
Business and blue-collared men.
Every ethnicity,
Age, gender and vocation-
all stuck together-
Stressed, cursing, arguing,
Screaming into mobile phones.

College students parading in University City,
Coming and going,smiling, strutting-
Oblivious to the homeless on park benches.
Men and women, casual and business,
Rushing in and out of Starbucks-
The line is long but I`ll waste ten minutes
To get my Caramel Macchiato.
Beggars coming to the window,
Offering to clean my windshield.
Eco friendly cyclists peddling by-
Getting further with muscle power
Than I can with motor oil.
Perhaps I should ride on two wheels.

Can`t find meter parking,
Pay twenty bucks for a space or be late.
Executives in limousines,
Gangsters and wealthy kids-
Dealing, buying, selling, overdosing, dying.
Groups of teens stumbling by-
Rioting, throwing up on the sidewalk.
Creepy men leaving bars,
Holding hands with beautiful women-
Young girls abused by lust scavengers,
Aware and unaware.

All is fair in the name of fun,
Sex, alcohol and pain killers.
Monsters with medical degrees
Selling drug prescriptions.
Addicts pumping gas, cleaning tables,
Sweeping floors, cleaning windshields
To support their disease.
College students living it up,
Rocking and rolling-
As long as they get through college,
Hold a steady job and pay their bills-
Nose deep in powder, lungs filled with smoke-

It`s alright, It`s ideal.

I keep driving-
The wind on my face,
The beautiful scenery along the Schuylkill
Makes all the rotten images disappear from my mind.
I park on Kelly Drive and begin to walk.
All I see is beauty now-
The art alongside the river,
The Boathouse Row, the runners, the skaters,
The rowers on their boats, the sweat in the air,
The smell of victory, strength, inspiration, hope.

The breathtaking art along Kelly drive,
The brilliant sculptures, the magnificent talent.
The Thinker by Rodin in plain view
For everyone to enjoy, makes it all alright
(Free, abundant beauty).
I approach the Rocky statue beneath the art museum,
I touch it and I feel inspired, motivated.
I run up the museum steps feeling like a champion.
I pay for my admission and enter.

I`m immediately stunned by the masterpieces-
Monet's impressionist paintings
(I can stare at them for days, perfect, genius).
Van Gogh's Sunflowers and Starry Night,
The Bathers by Cézanne (epic pieces)
I sit for hours in wonderment,
Appreciating my favorite artists and their work.

I exit the museum, sit atop the front steps
And indulge in the cinematic view.
The city`s ingenious architecture-
City Hall`s beautiful building,
Love Park`s vast fountain and cooling mist.
I find myself in love with Philadelphia.
A gorgeous city filled with history,
Art, great schools, ghosts and beings.


A.M

Slip Into My Skin

Your touch drowns me
Love pours through my body
Like honey, making me sticky
Wet with sweetness, soaking my skin
Immersing my soul in ecstasy
Your fingers reach inside me
You touch my heart with ease
The slightest feel infatuates
Your hands reach into my soul
You touch every nerve, every organ
Grabbing, pulling my insides out
Soaked in love, in tenderness--I drown
And you turn me on my belly
Caress my chest, kiss my neck, bite my back
And I’m gone-somewhere I can’t describe--lost
In your hands, in your world, where you do your worst
And I allow, surrender to your heart’s desire-
To your lustful demands-- I am yours to have, to please
Take my beauty, taint my soul, claim my heart--it’s yours
I love you more than I could ever love any other soul

Pour yourself into me, fall into every inch of my body
Flood me, engulf me, fill me with your everything
Sink into me, submerge me, dress me with your body
Fill every pore with your beauty, your graceful spirit
Dip me in your essence, soak me in your sweet nectar
Merge your body with mine, slip into my skin
Let our hearts hold hands, smile together in one pulsating beat
Let our souls speak, teach each other mystic secrets
Infuse your body with mine, let me feel you inside
Let our mouths meet, our lips dance, our tongues taste
Let me smell the back of your neck, memorize your scent
Rub my neck against yours, feel my chin on your arm
My lips on your shoulder, on the back of your neck
The tip of my nose rubbing on yours until our chests merge
Let me feel you close, hold you against me as tight as I can
I want your energy combined with mine, making our own light
Two bodies sharing and creating warmth through love
I want everything you desire and love but ten times more
Take my body, my heart, my soul--It’s all yours, my love


A.M

A Poem In Portuguese "VIVA"

Abra sua mente, pense diferente-
Eleve sua alma, sua divindade.
De asas ao espírito que habita em seu peito-
Abra o coração, cale a razão, entenda, aprenda-
Uma nova consciência; simpatia e compaixão.
Abra seus braços, abrace a imaginação-
Criatividade, inspiração.
Abra as mãos da ilusão, siga em frente com uma nova visão-
Sem falsa percepção, sem julgar a seu irmão.
Plante fé em seu jardim, colha felicidade sem fim.
Seja um com a consciência divina-
Que nos transcende mais nos ensina, a viver, crescer-
Sentir amor, prazer, felicidade, lazer.
Cultive a paz de Deus que habita em você.
Siga buscando e achando sua beleza natural-
Plantada em sua alma.
Cultive a verdade, descarte a falsidade, siga a honestidade.
De valor a seus direitos, aponte seu governo, somos iguais!
A felicidade esta dentro de você, procure aprender-
Novos meios de viver, o propósito de ser, humano.
Se junte e ajude, aos obreiros, engenheiros-
Poetas, filósofos, todos queremos um mundo perfeito.
Construa um novo lar, para seus pais, seus filhos desfrutar.
As crianças nas ruas dormindo, com esperança em seu sorriso,
Amor em seu olhar, fome em seu estomago mais vendo o sol brilhar.
Mate a solidão, compartilhe a abundancia, de vida a esperança.
Tenha compaixão, não seja egoísta, de valor a sua vida.
Com propósito e amor de a mão seu irmão.
Aprecie suas benções, de valor ao seu presente-
Hoje e´ tudo que temos!
Sua inteligência, forca de vontade, seu trabalho honesto, coragem-
Ti da integridade, propósito de verdade!
A fé eleva consciência, ti dar entendimento-
Da vida, morte e do tempo.
Somos uma extensão divina-
A beleza que habita em mim, em você, nos liga, nos conecta-
E me faz amar você, confiar em um propósito de viver.
Deixe sua luz brilhar, a paz do seu espírito-
O amor que nasceu com você.
Beleza única, amor verdadeiro, vive em ti, para você e todos-
Desfrutarem, compartilharem, amarem, conquistarem.
A felicidade de verdade esta em ti, amor infinito, divino.
Acredite em sua beleza, sua riqueza, sua alma pura.
Nasça, plante, brote, cresça; trabalhe, estude, aprenda, entenda-
Floresça em plena beleza.

A.M

Todays Thought

To raise my voice in anger
Would kill my peace of mind
To exclaim hateful words
Would destroy the love in my heart
To scream at another
Is to give life to frustration and anxiety
To hurt, abuse and manipulate
Is to commit suicide
For how can we engage in a malicious act
Without affecting our well being
And deteriorating our health
Well, we cannot abuse another, manipulate, torture
Without first abusing and manipulating our state of health
And torturing our soul
Peace shall prevail over senseless anger
Love will perpetually defeat hate
Anger will never be appeased by ignorance and force
But by acts of peace, forgiveness and selflessness
To attempt to destroy hate with angry force
Is to fall into its trap, for to battle hate with hate
Is to kneel at its feet and praise its nature
To hate nothing and love all:
Stand still at the sight of anger, hate and abuse
Think love, be love, focus on remaining pure
Let peace be your shield and love your sword
Evil cannot hurt you when you are at peace
Insults, abuse and torture cannot harm you
When your mind is peaceful and your heart is love
Violence can take your life
But it is up to you to let it take your soul
Stand back and let evil do its worst;
To destroy itself while attempting to destroy you
A being of pure love
Love will always triumph over hate
In soul heaven there is no place for malicious spirits
They can insult you, hurt you, abuse you
Verbally and physically
But your integrity, your emotion, your soul health
Cannot be touched unless allowed by you
Love has already won
You just have to choose which side you are on
The evil loser or the loving winner
The violent abuser or the kind human
Hateful and miserable or peaceful and happy

Just a thought

A.M

Moving On

I’m moving on
I’m leaving you
Pain, Heartache
Anxiety, pity
I’m leaving you
I’m moving on
To beauty, love
To a full heart
A glowing soul
A graceful spirit
I’m moving on
To true love
Acceptance
Self worth
Integrity, wisdom
I’m moving on
I’m leaving you
User, abuser
Of body
Beauty, lust
I`m leaving you
Angry, stubborn
Selfish, manipulative
I`m leaving you
I’m moving on
To a soulful heart
A loving soul
I’m moving on
To self love
To greatness
Inspiration
Talent
Appreciation
I`m moving on
I’m leaving you
Gracefully
Lovingly
Peacefully
I`m moving on
I`m leaving you
Effortlessly

A.M