Away in Body

I grow weary as my departure day approaches,

Afraid of being without the option of seeing you;

Scared of being away from the reach of your hands,

Frightened of the day I won't be just a car ride away.

This weariness surprises me,

This ego agony;

This selfish sense of possession

Of when we are in close distance.

I take not advantage of seeing you

while we share the same country,

But the idea of being oceans away 

quickly dissolves my sanity.

I am not sure what awaits me overseas,

I'm uncertain of how long I'll be gone, 

Or if I should meet with a fate 

That could keep me longer than expected. 

I realize, I've been selfish.

I have expressed my desires,

I have shared my undying passion,

And yet, I have refused consent,

I have withheld my presence 

from your yearning spirit.

I did not think I'd be writing this letter,

I did not expect my heart to be longing as it is now.

I did not think I would miss the mere comfort,

The simple illusion of being close to your body.

Even in my dreams you strike me,

Your voice seduces my senses,

Your charm stunts my awareness,

Transforms me into a school girl-

Nervous, infatuated and fearful. 

Will this pain travel with me,

Will you come with me in heart,

Shall I take this longing in my soul,

On my journey to a world far younger than yours.

I'm going back in time,

And you're coming with me,

To a place where ghosts lead,

Where I'll be haunted by your absence,

Where I'll be reminded of my penance.

I've let go of possessive ideas,

I no longer feed my fantasies,

I'm detached from the dream,

I've stopped resisting the present.

I've done my best to free myself of ego insanities;

To be rid of jealousy, attachment, greed and vanity.

I've severed my connection to the pain,

of being apart from my twin flame.

I've even attempted to love as passionately,

As intensely, as wholeheartedly as I've loved you.

And in those attempts I've found flashes,

Fading reflections of a similar passion.

But I cannot stop the dreams,

I cannot quit the emotion,

So I'll take you with me on my journey.

Again, you venture with me in spirit,

My sweet stubborn flame.

I'd ask you for a kiss goodbye,

But that would only linger my departure. 

A.M