Morrendo

Sempre morrendo... 

de vontade de te tocar e não poder te ver, de querer te ouvir e não encontrar sua voz, de desejar seu corpo esparramado sobre mim e não te ter por perto.... 

morrendo de raiva por ter ciúmes, de solidão por te ignorar, de ingratidão por esquecer como me faz bem, de ignorância por não querer pedir perdão...

morrendo de paz ao segurar sua mão, de beleza quando seus cabelos dourados acariciam meu rosto, de encanto quando seus olhos azul turquesa brilham em me ver, de riqueza por te chamar de meu...

morrendo de tantos desejos ainda não realizados, de momentos perfeitos dentro de corações quebrados, de loucura por não saber ser melhor...sempre morrendo para poder viver ao seu lado. 

Amanda Miranda 

You and Nothing Else

To believe you can be the dream the campaigns are selling, to aspire to be like the marketing illustrations, to attempt to live the beautiful illusion, to turn yourself into

 beautiful lies...

or to accept the beautiful lies as they are and to go on creating beautiful moments in sp ite of the barren garden of deception around you. 

To recognize and understand the empty dreams being sold, to create your own dreams, to find a little space inside your heart and begin to cultivate...

to expose your soul to light, to plant seeds of love, to bloom fully from the inside out, to be the peace that's missing in the dreams being sold, to be the love that's lacking in the beautiful lies being told, to be your dream realized, to be authentic, original, blessed, loved, to be as you are and nothing more. 

A.M

Artists

Our physical, emotional and spiritual expressions are inspiring and necessary evolutionary tools. 

My talent comes with a side of torment, for it can be difficult to understand or balance so many visual feelings. 

To have such an intense memory of events while some do not can be alienating, to remember details others might never see because they weren't "there" in that moment with you can be confusing. 

We wonder if we're mad for vividly remembering, for feeling memories, for desiring to express touching details, we question our sanity for fantasizing and dreaming and investing so much into visions. 

We wonder because for us these visions, these intense details inspire creation, these visions inspire our thoughts, emotions and decision to share with others. 

Many times the muse does not know, see or remember us, sometimes even if they are part of our reality or moments which inspired us they might not remember us, themselves or the experience in the fashion which we have painted them or the experience.

This can be called a "sleeping muse", when the reality of the events are only real to the writer, when the person in subject does not relate to the experience as it is depicted by the artist. 

Nonetheless we should still express ourselves, we should still create no matter what our mind is telling us. For example, when our thoughts are saying, "don't be foolish, it's all in your head", "don't express that for it's only real in your mind". 

Well, those thoughts could be true and there's nothing wrong with them being true. For these events are taking place in our heads, our mind, and even if these thoughts are delusions they are our thoughts and it is our life that is affected when we hold things in or are too afraid to explore what's going on inside ourselves. 

If we are here to grow and evolve then we should attempt to understand what is going on in our mind, this can help us comprehend why we like or dislike whatever it is that we like or dislike. Knowledge of self can help us distinguish underlying causes of negative behavior patterns.

And perhaps this knowledge can even help us experience brilliant moments which we never might have because we had some sort of unresolved trauma blocking our vision of potential enlightening experiences. 

Seeing what you're thinking and feeling through artistic expressions such as words, music, pictures, etc., may help your evolvement. It doesn't matter if what you feel is only true or attempting to be real in your reality. 

Imagination is phenomenal, it expands our reality. It can also stretch us out, spread us thin in ways that can be difficult to cope with. Some fantasies are so pleasing that it can be hard to let go of, and some people will let go completely and live in fantasies. 

This has its ups and downs, but who is to say what is right or wrong. If someone wants to believe they are a cat and live as such who am I to say "hey, you're wasting your life by not living as a man as well", for what is it to live as man anyway. 

But I have come to understand that for me to remain in and invest thoughts and feelings in certain fantasies can be emotionally exasperating. It's nice to want physical things and work towards them or to love and adore someone, but to consume yourself with achieving certain materials or to breathe someone in and out all day long is consuming to other parts of ourselves that also need expression. 

Some do encourage us to dream and imagine all possibilities, to explore every feeling, to know ourselves completely and exceed limits placed on our minds by our own self. But to entertain, expand and share thoughts soaked with intense feelings is an emotionally straining task and requires balance. 

We all have a talent for expression which can be cultivated in many different ways. Each individual can create their own way to express their dreams, fantasies and realities. 

Our limitlessness is evident in the way each of us create our lives, our style, appearance, personality, voice, attitude, detailed characteristics, defining thoughts, complex emotions, particular accents, etc. The way each of us see, feel and experience life is different, this unique phenomenon, the creation of being is each individual's own creation. 

My talent is my vision and my vision is a reflection of my being, and so is yours.

A.M

Mais

 Que o futuro nos traga Paz interior, alegria espiritual, amor incondicional. Que conquistemos tudo que merecemos com trabalho, dedicação, perseverança. 

Vamos lutar por nossos sonhos, que a chama que queima dentro de nossos corações nunca se apague, que nossa alma continue brilhante. 

Que venha beleza, que nossos pés nos leve a montanhas altas e prosperas, que nossa amizade cresça com nossos esforços. 

Quero sempre um peito cheio de calor, uma paixão queimando a alma, um amor que venha de dentro para fora, uma beleza que se vê com a alma. 

Que possamos sempre nos amar mais. 

A.M

Who's hurting you?

Nothing that resides within you can be taken without consent. So no one stole your heart, they didn't hurt your self esteem, how could they have reached inside your chest and manipulated your feelings? 

There's nobody else, there's only you projecting the images you see and the feelings you feel. You make it stay, you take it away, you will it. 

The virtue of peace is that it is an action in every step in every path through every passageway. As love is a verb and time and dreams don't always agree. 

A.M

Silent Desires

I keep it to myself 

What I truly desire 

What I want to feel 

I keep it to myself 

I see you looking

You show yourself 

We snuggle in dreams 

And I chase you here 

I write cause you don't 

Though I've asked you 

It's never a good time 

So I keep it to myself 

This isn't a sad prose

Desire doesn't hurt 

It makes my heart full 

And I keep it to myself 

A.M

Love? Really?

Make sure you're not saying I love when they buy you something, that you don't just say these words in your mind when you see an attractive picture of them or when others are starring endearingly at them. 

Make sure the thought of how much you love them also comes up when you remember the last argument you had, think about the last time they pissed you off, the last kind words they said to you.

Remember the last time they hurt your feelings and what they did about it. So when you say I love you you're sure you really do love another completely and fully with your entire being. 

A.M

Collision

Two worlds crashing 

One life ending to begin again 

We come clothed in niceness 

Begging for acceptance 

Preparing ourselves for another 

Opening our heart to receive 

We forget we are two 

One heart misunderstood 

One mind with unique views 

He says, "come, my perfect angel"

She says, "where are we going" 

I push my belly against his 

He tells me he wants more 

It's ok, it's ok to disagree 

Some days your back is all I see 

We fight for more time 

We argue over what to eat 

It's ok, it's ok to disagree 

My anger disintegrates 

When your blue eyes speak 

A.M

Let

Let yourself want

Let yourself ask 

Let yourself enjoy 

Tomorrow Today

I lie next to you and miss you

I miss you while you sleep 

I never knew I could miss 

Someone who's next to me 

I'm counting down the time 

In a few hours 5am will be here 

I work at 9 but can't fall asleep 

Your alarm will go off at 4:15am 

I put my lips on your shoulder 

And miss you

I rest my head on your chest 

And miss you 

I look into your warm eyes 

And miss you 

Miss you before you leave

Miss you while you sleep 

Miss you tomorrow today 

A.M

His

Resting on his bed all night 

Making love in the morning 

Laying on his couch all day

Watching popular tv shows 

Eating his parents applesauce  

I think I'll wait for him to return 

His blood is in everything here 

Even the shadows and ghosts 

I tell them how much I love him

He told me he hears the ghosts 

I think that's why we love together 

Yesterday we made a steak dinner 

We fought at the grocery store 

Over nothing, always over nothing 

Well he takes forever to choose 

We grilled two NY strip steaks 

We cooked most things together 

Bacon macaroni and cheese

Peppers, corn, green beans 

It was a very successful diner

We sat together and smoked 

And made love for eternities 

We're headed down the shore 

We're driving to a shore house 

We'll be there for two nights 

I'm sad because no dogs allowed 

But I'm excited to see the ocean 

To feel the ocean together with him 

A.M

Loss

Incredible how we can deeply grieve the loss of something we never had, or how we can feel a tremendous void after something we passionately desired leave our lives after a short period of time. Amazing how one dream can extend into eternities and expand to fill our entire being, to a point that when it doesn't manifest into reality we grieve as if a part of us died, well, sometimes a part of us does die. Still, the vision, the perspective, the possibilities presented through dreaming are always worth the pain. I'm grateful for possibilities and the lessons that come with loss. 

A.M

Scarred and Scared

My lips say I'm ok to fly alone

My heart screams hold my hand 

I sit and stare at his beautiful face

I try to forget how much I love him  

My mind says I'm ready for the end 

Tears of abandonment choke me 

I want to leave and go cry alone 

The thought of being without him 

The idea of chasing the same love He says he's been happier without

Without the pressure to please me

Without the feeling of failing me  

My hearts bleeds my soul cries 

How can it be that you're leaving 

But he's not going anywhere now 

He just wanted to let me know 

I'm not the only one with weapons 

He too can end this and finish us 

I've threatened to leave many times 

And each time I did it wounded him 

And tonight he showed me the scar 

A.M 

Being Nothing

I stopped wanting to be things when I realized that every choice I made and every title I claimed drove me further away from other choices I also dreamed of making.

In trying to live without letting things and titles define me I find that my greatest strength to display is mental. For it is, after all, the driving force behind every cell in my body. 

A.M

Me

I see myself in your smile, 

In the intensity of your eyes, 

We're so different yet the same, You melt into me, I get lost in you, 

Thriving in dire situations,

A blanket of magic draping us, 

The sweet and sinful euphoria, 

The synchronicity that takes place,

To create our delicious world.

A.M 

 

Skin

when they smell like newborn skin, 

and you lie breathing them in, 

praying the moment goes on indefinitely, 

and all you feel is gratitude, 

when you can taste touch,  

love passes and stretches,

from tongue to lips to brain, 

love travels from finger tips to bone,

washing your soul skin in rose water,

nourishing the body like first milk.

we lay uncomfortably for love’s pleasure,

pressing our bodies on each other’s limbs,

cutting blood circulation for sweet embraces, 

I reach in my heart and squeeze the anxiety,  

with you I wish to be present and tender,

sometimes I lie my head beside you and watch, 

your breath, the sweat collecting on your chest,

sneaking random kisses through the night,

your heart, a beautifully orchestrated show of lights,

in your eyes, in your arms, in your life, anew paradise

A.M

1/9/17