Tuesday, May 10, 2011

In Solitude

Solitude is needed when you live with ghosts
Rejoicing in dreams of the past
Dwelling in moments gone
For present joy and future peace

He runs from solitude--she chases it
Seeks it, finds it makes it a part of her
In fear of being alone he seeks others
Attaches himself to fleeting souls
Clutching hard, holding on as fast as he can
Fighting the inevitable fate of dying alone

I gather emotions, invest in feelings
Relive the good and bad memories
I stock up, store wisdom for old age
I walk towards aloneness
Praying to find my place in eternity
My single space, my moment of grace

I`ll take my talent to the grave
With this body that serves me in shallow ways
Reflecting an image I cannot see in the mirror
Portraying, emulating something I`ve never been
Never wanted to be praised for my appearance
Somewhere along my youth I let them decide for me
This has caused me much pain and sickness
But also reassured the hermit in me

Farther away each day
Detached from the material I once valued
Disconnected from the ideal standards of society
Farther and farther away from their playground
Where I was never welcomed
Where I was bullied and rejected
I`m nowhere to be found
Those closest to me cannot see
Cannot find the place I reside in

The farther I get the more comfortable it feels
I seek it, I find it, I become it--I am solitude
Even in love I play by myself
For getting groomed to live a shallow ideal
Is dragging and ill to my spirit
Even in love I long for seclusion
For deep within I know my place isn’t here

My claimed space in this dream world
Does not lie within the illusions of Gods
Created to tame us, control us, to keep us sane
In the duality I refuse to live in
In a commonsensical world I do not know
I lack the emotion needed to be held prisoner
I`m the opposite of what imprisons--I’m fearless

The farther I get the clearer I see
The spirit inside me dwells unusually
I survive in a place most would call insanity
A land of love, tragic tales, dramatic stories

I go out and make memories
As a farmer plants seeds I plant moments
I grow emotions and harvest love
I carry my crop with me everywhere I go
This love I produce sustains my soul
Satiates my body when it`s lonely
Feeds my heart when it’s hungry

I survive in seclusion because I’m in love
Always single and never alone
Connected to everything around me
And holding on to nothing
Always complete on my own
Farther away from this world
And closer to my place in eternity
Where we are one

In solitude


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