You Shouldn't

You shouldn't leave 
Your lover waiting,
You shouldn't leave
Your heart craving,
You shouldn't put your desires on hold,
For your desires are your dreams,
And your dreams will sustain you.

You shouldn't leave my heart waiting,
My mind racing,
My dreams breaking,
My desires awakening,
To empty promises.

You shouldn't leave my lover waiting,
You shouldn't ignore his heart breaking,
You shouldn't put our desires on hold,
For our desires sustains us.

To give flight to fantasies,
To let my heart indulge,
To inspire my pen,
To awaken my body,
You shouldn't leave your lover waiting,
Keeping my heart craving.

A.M

Slip Into My Skin

Your touch drowns me,
Love pours through my body,
Like honey, making me sticky,
Wet with sweetness, soaking my skin,
Immersing my soul in ecstasy.

Your fingers reach inside me,
You touch my heart with ease,
The slightest feel infatuates,
Your hands reach into my soul,
You touch every nerve, every organ,
Grabbing, pulling my insides out,
Soaked in tenderness--I drown.

And you turn me on my belly,
Caress my chest, kiss my neck, bite my back,
And I’m gone, somewhere I can’t describe--
Lost in your hands, in your world, where you do your worst
And I allow, surrender to your heart’s desire-
To your lustful demands-- I am yours to have, to please,

Take my beauty, taint my soul, claim my heart--it’s yours.
Pour yourself into me, fall into every inch of my body,
Flood me, engulf me, fill me with your everything,
Sink into me, submerge me, dress me with your silhouette.

Fill every pore with your beauty, your graceful spirit,
Dip me in your essence, soak me in your sweet nectar,
Merge your body with mine, slip into my skin,
Let our hearts meet, smile together in one pulsating beat,
Let our souls speak, teach each other mystic secrets.

Infuse your body with mine, let me feel you inside,
Let our mouths meet, our lips dance, our tongues taste,
Let me smell the back of your neck, memorize your scent,
Let me feel you close, hold you against me as tight as I can,
I want everything you desire and love but ten times more,
Take my body, my heart, my soul--It’s all yours, my love.


A.M

Sem Sono

I want to trace your face with my finger tips,
I want to feel the moisture of your skin
On my skin,
I want to smell behind your ear,
I want your scent on me,
I want to rub your head until you fall asleep.

I want to touch your soul,
To feel our bodies merge,
I want to kiss your lips
And swallow you whole.

It's not that you love me,
It's that I am love,
It's not that I love you,
It's that I am love,

With faith that you can be love 
And free from wondering 
If you're ever good enough.

You hold the key in your heart,
Accept love when given to you,
Discern the ones who love you
From the ones who act like they do.

Love without commitment,
Care for those around you.
Live passionately, try your luck,
Gold favors the bold. 

Follow the Poet,
He knows where he's going,
(Aware of his mortality),
He lives for today,
And loves for tomorrow,
Welcoming life and accepting death.

Watch for the shy Poetess,
She speaks without words,
You receive her messages in your own voice.
What she writes is a glance at what she sees. 

Watch for the broken-hearted Goddess,
She'll enchant your heart,
She'll fill you with love,
She'll teach you how to forgive and let go.

Watch for the girl next door,
To her you're a dream,
An ideal she must manifest,
To her you're perfection to be mastered.


A.M

OUT OF TIME.

You have the rest of your life to play,
You have the rest of your life to love.

You have to learn now,
And get it out of the way,
So you can peacefully age,
And love and play.

You have to study now,
The test is today.
The work of great novelists,
Can inspire your way.

Being open to learning
Can improve your quality of life.
Reading can lead to research,
Which can lead to knowledge,
Which can imagination inspire.

My imagination can make life wonderful,
Or dreadful, it's my choosing.

With thinking,
Learning and loving,
Comes understanding,
Of self, others, and purpose.

Ruminating is my curse, so I've read,
In articles written by critics who don't create,
But simply review and bash the talented.
But in this case they are right.

Though it is a heavy burden upon my mind,
I'm grateful for every minute of pain,
I might have subjected my mind to,
Ruminating.

A writer creates his world,
He lives in his own time-zone.
There are no rules,
Inspiration runs free.
Ideas become journals,
Journals become stories,
Stories become lessons,
And lessons heal readers.

You have to wonder,
You have to doubt,
Or the answers wont come out.

You can live without knowing.
Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it must be,
To go through life completely unaware.
I suppose it would be splendid.

But whether you're sleeping or awake,
You must be sensitive.
Whether you're in a self-made dream
Or part of the harsh realities of war and casualties,
You have to be compassionate.

Whether you're rich or poor,
Mentally gifted or struggling to add two and two,
You have to learn to care for those around you.

Or else you're a leech,
Feeding on the blood of your peers,
Sucking the life of your friends and family,
Stealing light from those who love you,
Draining the ones you love the most.

Don't take love if you can't give love.

If you can't learn to love yourself,
To respect the world,
To appreciate life,
You won't be able
To compassionately love,
To passionately dream,
To unselfishly desire.

These things may sound far fetched to you,
Maybe you can't even imagine what I just described.
But someday you will wish for peace of mind.
And when you do I hope you remember,
Peace is acquired through love.

Invest in your health,
Remain aware at every moment,
Treat your body as it deserves.
Flourish your mind, for it needs to aspire,
To experience and understand,
Love-unconditional.

A.M

The Calm

Maybe I'm too high,
On this love,
And you're too drunk,
To know, how to be,
Someone for someone else.

Maybe I'm too gone,
To know how to act now,
To know what I want,
From this love, now.

Maybe we're too intoxicated,
To know happiness,
Through relationships.

I could never tell,
You were always drunk to me,
I could never tell,
You were always gone to me.

But never far enough,
Never inebriated enough,
To just let go.
Can you put away the past,
And enjoy the present moment?

Impulsive and passionate,
Spontaneous and sick,
Your nature is careless,
And your passion, fueled by liquor.

Who are you when you're sober?

Never aware, always motivated,
By egotism, yet nothing you ever did,
Ever did impress your ego.

A strict disciplinarian,
I have no patience for unawareness.

Always drunk,
Never an artist,
Never a lover,
Never gifted enough
To think of pleasing another.

If I told you, you had to play my body,
Like an instrument,
Would you know how?
To play the songs of heaven's delight,
Could you figure it out?

A good lover knows his way around.
In between two melting bodies
There should be no fear,
In between two touching souls,
There should be no worries.

There should be a little death,
A complete surrender,
A total merging of body and soul.
We should be drunk
On love's nectar,
We should be faint
With breathlessness.

Burning red flames,
Igniting your entire being,
Consuming you whole,
Inciting your desires,
Fueling your fantasies.

You feel your organs pulsing,
Wanting to escape your body.
Your heart beating so fast,
It hurts against your chest.

And you love it,
Because you're there,
In the moment,
Feeling everything....

You allow someone to step into you,
Carelessly, unknowingly, scared,
You open your heart and let them in.

You trust them,
You share your heart,
You give your light.
You let them step into your soul,
You hold their hand and let them guide you.

There, deep, deep, deep inside your soul,
They tiptoe around, bruise you a bit,
You feel the pain and you love it.

The sweet bitterness,
Prompting you to stick around,
To overindulge in passion,
To oversimplify,
Your numbed emotions.

You stick around for the thrill,
Of every fight, of every night,
You anticipate their arrival,
You care about their day.

You wonder,
If they're also hiding from the rain,
Snuggled up in bed thinking of you.
You wonder,
Whether they can see the full moon.

You desire to share every moment beside them.
You ask, you give, you care.
When they walk through the door,
You embrace them.

But we won't,
Not with our stubbornness,
Not with our drunkenness,
Not with our kind of selfishness,
Not with our sick hearts.

We must lay, half awake-half alive,
Half unknowingly-half unconscious.
We must experience everything at a glance,
Small moments of happiness at a time.

"Take it one day at a time",
Oh, what great advice.
So that's what I'll do,
That's what I'll do for us,
And our bad habits,
Of hurting each other.

Sobriety of mind is the best sobriety.
I hope to know what it feels like,
To be freed from these instincts,
Killing my patience, stressing my mind,
Like I'm plugged into a clock.

Endlessly high on my dreams,
I wouldn't want to leave this drunkenness,
This peace,
Acquired through passionately dreaming.

Suffering is a way of life,
Everyday there's a war,
A Fight,
A killing,
A parting,
A sadness.
Everyday there is death,
There is battle.
Everyday there is work
For the light warriors.

The goal is not to stop suffering,
But to overcome it,
To learn how to live and create,
Despite the hardships,
In spite of the sickness.

Everyday I accept the challenges,
To conquer the mind,
To cultivate the soul.
I believe I found a serene place,
In my mind,
Where I create,
Where I inspire,
Where I love.

In a perpetual high state,
Most of my time is spent loving,
Or writing about loving,
Or being love drunk.
So I wouldnt know much.

A.M.

Reflection

Just like that the feelings are gone, 
But where do they go?
And will they return?

What they don't tell you is that
When old feelings part
New feelings create,
New emotions form.
New feelings that if unnoticed 
Can manifest into destruction.

What they don't tell you is that
You'll fool yourself many times 
Before you get it right
Or learn what you're doing wrong.

I can't say I'm on the right path,
But I know where I am
And I see all the places I want to go. 
You would call me a flight risk,
Though I never leave you. 

Five years of wanting and wondering
Turned me into a mad woman, but
I'd like to think I was insane before I met you.
I think I'm healing,
I'd like to think that I am. 

I want to say no to you,
But can I? 
And what do the new feelings mean?
And where have the old feelings gone?
And will they return with you?

A.M

In Passing

The mellow haze that laid on my brow
Has melted with the sweat of suffering.
The heart is ready to push forward,
The mind is ready to leave the past behind.
My breath is slow and steady and when I think of you,
I no longer second guess.
I know who you are,
And I know who I am--
complete opposites
Taking advantage of each others sickness,
Playing each others fantasy.
We are not real,
We are perfect--
You give me what I want
And I play along,
Your dirty culprit.
I've said it in the past
And I'll say it again now, 
-there's nothing wrong with happiness.

A.M

Masquerade

Call me a fool,
But I find Rejection inspiring to the soul.
It is the bittersweet medicine 
Healing me from who I am,
Creating who I want to be
And the desire to soar out of here
And fly back home
And live by the ocean 
Under coconut trees and beautiful women. 

My friends once told me that
Interest shows weakness,
And It's better to be unhappy 
And proud than to express your desires.

So one should withhold their emotions 
And grow miserable? One should
live in a cage made by their own hands?

Some have said,
Life is a game of charades
That only your friends play,
Where you stand guessing,
Helping, waiting to play,
 angry,
Waiting your turn,
Your chance,
But it never comes. 

My Dad always told me to live,
To travel, to read, to taste new foods.
He gives me lectures and we read together,
But It's hard to impress a hard working man
with multiple degrees in things you have no clue in. 

But today he'll be impressed,
Today I'll live more than ever,
Today I'll play,
Play on my own,
Today I'll win,
Win alone.
I'll cut the strings tied to misery. 
I won't care anymore
About doing things I don't have to
To impress those who don't love me.
Today I'm going to step outside my box
And walk toward the noise calling my heart. 

Today I'll leave my pride behind
And express my love for the world,
Today I won't masquerade,
I'll feel everything naturally. 
Today I'll cry for caring,
I'll weep for another's pain, 
I'll feel everything naturally,
Today I won't masquerade.

 I'll let the torment spread
From my core to the smallest nerves,
Today I'll let life swallow me whole. 

Today I'll dance and sing and love
And love again and love again
And love again

A.M

Back to Black

I’m back, back to when we first met,
Back to dropping everything to see you
Every chance I’d get. I’m here, alone,
You haven’t been here for some time now.

I use to think I was mad,
Now I know I simply love you.
People usually think it’s cute
When a girl feels the way I do about you.

But I’m a woman who knows better
Than to desire one who won’t have her,
And though I wish I had magic powers,
My love doesn’t charm, doesn’t overpower.

My love isn’t angry, my love isn’t jealous,
My love won’t force two people together.
But my love will always be enough
To keep you feeling loved for the rest of your life.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here,
Maybe I should have taken that job,
But I remember being thousands of miles away
And still feeling the way I do today.

This distance kills me little by little.
We’re far in thought, we’re far in heart,
We’re far in time, we’re far in mind,
Though your body is only a few miles from mine.

I’m back to the place we last met,
I’m back to the first night we ever had,
I’m back to dreaming of seeing you again-
To desiring the warmth of your skin on my skin.

I’m back to dreaming of getting lost in your eyes,
Of looking deep and finding myself inside.
I’m back and risking the chance
You’ll never be where I am.

There isn’t much I can do,
I’m not a part of you,
And maybe, just maybe, that’s why I can’t quit,
Loving you is the most stubborn thing I ever did.

I’m back, black and blue for you.
I’m back to black for I can’t stop loving you.
I’m back for loving is my talent, hobby and career,
I’m back for you, lover of nothing, won’t you let me love you?

A.M

Invisible

All the tears he squeezed out of his eyes
Have brought no conclusion,
It seems his misfortune is his own choosing.
The more he desires the less he has ,
In his heart he lives and wanders lost.

He cannot see inside his soul,
Where only his lover has been,
The place containing his mystery,
The purpose of his mistakes,
The conclusion to the lessons,
The answers desired to heal.
Everything he wants and needs
Lays inside a place he can`t reach.

Life won`t grant him entrance,
He has not earned the privilege
To reduce his penance,
He hasn`t been bestowed vision
To see ahead of time.

You wish you could see,
But you can`t,
You can`t see it,
You can`t reach it,
The open wound,
The space needing filling,
The sensuous vulnerability,
The surrender of ego.

There deep inside,
Where only your lover can see,
Your naked soul,
Your reflection in a mirror.
All the answers you seek
There deep inside yourself.

In that place you sealed shut,
For fear of anyone seeing,
The messy place you keep,
The place you won`t assume
For fear of what is in it,
The place you pretend not to have
Because you`re ashamed of the mess.

A place to be conquered,
Captivated,
Pleased,
A place to be Loved.
The place where we blindly meet
To fly inside each others heart.

So he writes,
In case his soul speaks to him,
He writes back to his dreams.
And if all fails he remains hopeful
For he knows he can see through his queen.
Tonight he'll enter his soul while in hers,
Again, to fill the place he can`t reach
With things he does not possess.

A.M

You can`t answer death

I`ve ran out of reasons to write
I`ve ran out of things to say

All I feel is an echo
Deep inside my belly
Where I cannot contract
Where I cannot kill
Where I cannot die

Here I must endure its beauty
Grow passionate about what pains me
Here I must love
All the things that hurt me
And accept my enemies as friends
Here I must love
Forgive and understand
Trust and respect who I am

Here I must celebrate life
Here where I cannot swallow pain
And wait it out and bleed it out
Heal and pretend nothing happened
This is not simple
This is difficult
This is where you are defined
Characterized by your own self

Here is where you are happy
When you do what you love
You understand what pleases
The beautiful architecture of life
Amazes and sets a new standard of happiness

A new way to see life and all its miracles
Celebrate being alive today
Tomorrow may not come for you
And you might find yourself lost
In between life and death
In between an echo
Deep inside your soul
Where you cannot contract
Cannot make it go away
By sucking it in
And pretending it doesn`t hurt

You can`t answer your own questions
Your humanity limits you
You cannot see without eyes
And nothing you can do can answer death


I love you, Andrew. I`ll miss you.

A.M