OUT OF TIME.

You have the rest of your life to play,
You have the rest of your life to love.

You have to learn now,
And get it out of the way,
So you can peacefully age,
And love and play.

You have to study now,
The test is today.
The work of great novelists,
Can inspire your way.

Being open to learning
Can improve your quality of life.
Reading can lead to research,
Which can lead to knowledge,
Which can imagination inspire.

My imagination can make life wonderful,
Or dreadful, it's my choosing.

With thinking,
Learning and loving,
Comes understanding,
Of self, others, and purpose.

Ruminating is my curse, so I've read,
In articles written by critics who don't create,
But simply review and bash the talented.
But in this case they are right.

Though it is a heavy burden upon my mind,
I'm grateful for every minute of pain,
I might have subjected my mind to,
Ruminating.

A writer creates his world,
He lives in his own time-zone.
There are no rules,
Inspiration runs free.
Ideas become journals,
Journals become stories,
Stories become lessons,
And lessons heal readers.

You have to wonder,
You have to doubt,
Or the answers wont come out.

You can live without knowing.
Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it must be,
To go through life completely unaware.
I suppose it would be splendid.

But whether you're sleeping or awake,
You must be sensitive.
Whether you're in a self-made dream
Or part of the harsh realities of war and casualties,
You have to be compassionate.

Whether you're rich or poor,
Mentally gifted or struggling to add two and two,
You have to learn to care for those around you.

Or else you're a leech,
Feeding on the blood of your peers,
Sucking the life of your friends and family,
Stealing light from those who love you,
Draining the ones you love the most.

Don't take love if you can't give love.

If you can't learn to love yourself,
To respect the world,
To appreciate life,
You won't be able
To compassionately love,
To passionately dream,
To unselfishly desire.

These things may sound far fetched to you,
Maybe you can't even imagine what I just described.
But someday you will wish for peace of mind.
And when you do I hope you remember,
Peace is acquired through love.

Invest in your health,
Remain aware at every moment,
Treat your body as it deserves.
Flourish your mind, for it needs to aspire,
To experience and understand,
Love-unconditional.

A.M

The Calm

Maybe I'm too high,
On this love,
And you're too drunk,
To know, how to be,
Someone for someone else.

Maybe I'm too gone,
To know how to act now,
To know what I want,
From this love, now.

Maybe we're too intoxicated,
To know happiness,
Through relationships.

I could never tell,
You were always drunk to me,
I could never tell,
You were always gone to me.

But never far enough,
Never inebriated enough,
To just let go.
Can you put away the past,
And enjoy the present moment?

Impulsive and passionate,
Spontaneous and sick,
Your nature is careless,
And your passion, fueled by liquor.

Who are you when you're sober?

Never aware, always motivated,
By egotism, yet nothing you ever did,
Ever did impress your ego.

A strict disciplinarian,
I have no patience for unawareness.

Always drunk,
Never an artist,
Never a lover,
Never gifted enough
To think of pleasing another.

If I told you, you had to play my body,
Like an instrument,
Would you know how?
To play the songs of heaven's delight,
Could you figure it out?

A good lover knows his way around.
In between two melting bodies
There should be no fear,
In between two touching souls,
There should be no worries.

There should be a little death,
A complete surrender,
A total merging of body and soul.
We should be drunk
On love's nectar,
We should be faint
With breathlessness.

Burning red flames,
Igniting your entire being,
Consuming you whole,
Inciting your desires,
Fueling your fantasies.

You feel your organs pulsing,
Wanting to escape your body.
Your heart beating so fast,
It hurts against your chest.

And you love it,
Because you're there,
In the moment,
Feeling everything....

You allow someone to step into you,
Carelessly, unknowingly, scared,
You open your heart and let them in.

You trust them,
You share your heart,
You give your light.
You let them step into your soul,
You hold their hand and let them guide you.

There, deep, deep, deep inside your soul,
They tiptoe around, bruise you a bit,
You feel the pain and you love it.

The sweet bitterness,
Prompting you to stick around,
To overindulge in passion,
To oversimplify,
Your numbed emotions.

You stick around for the thrill,
Of every fight, of every night,
You anticipate their arrival,
You care about their day.

You wonder,
If they're also hiding from the rain,
Snuggled up in bed thinking of you.
You wonder,
Whether they can see the full moon.

You desire to share every moment beside them.
You ask, you give, you care.
When they walk through the door,
You embrace them.

But we won't,
Not with our stubbornness,
Not with our drunkenness,
Not with our kind of selfishness,
Not with our sick hearts.

We must lay, half awake-half alive,
Half unknowingly-half unconscious.
We must experience everything at a glance,
Small moments of happiness at a time.

"Take it one day at a time",
Oh, what great advice.
So that's what I'll do,
That's what I'll do for us,
And our bad habits,
Of hurting each other.

Sobriety of mind is the best sobriety.
I hope to know what it feels like,
To be freed from these instincts,
Killing my patience, stressing my mind,
Like I'm plugged into a clock.

Endlessly high on my dreams,
I wouldn't want to leave this drunkenness,
This peace,
Acquired through passionately dreaming.

Suffering is a way of life,
Everyday there's a war,
A Fight,
A killing,
A parting,
A sadness.
Everyday there is death,
There is battle.
Everyday there is work
For the light warriors.

The goal is not to stop suffering,
But to overcome it,
To learn how to live and create,
Despite the hardships,
In spite of the sickness.

Everyday I accept the challenges,
To conquer the mind,
To cultivate the soul.
I believe I found a serene place,
In my mind,
Where I create,
Where I inspire,
Where I love.

In a perpetual high state,
Most of my time is spent loving,
Or writing about loving,
Or being love drunk.
So I wouldnt know much.

A.M.

Reflection

Just like that the feelings are gone, 
But where do they go?
And will they return?

What they don't tell you is that
When old feelings part
New feelings create,
New emotions form.
New feelings that if unnoticed 
Can manifest into destruction.

What they don't tell you is that
You'll fool yourself many times 
Before you get it right
Or learn what you're doing wrong.

I can't say I'm on the right path,
But I know where I am
And I see all the places I want to go. 
You would call me a flight risk,
Though I never leave you. 

Five years of wanting and wondering
Turned me into a mad woman, but
I'd like to think I was insane before I met you.
I think I'm healing,
I'd like to think that I am. 

I want to say no to you,
But can I? 
And what do the new feelings mean?
And where have the old feelings gone?
And will they return with you?

A.M

In Passing

The mellow haze that laid on my brow
Has melted with the sweat of suffering.
The heart is ready to push forward,
The mind is ready to leave the past behind.
My breath is slow and steady and when I think of you,
I no longer second guess.
I know who you are,
And I know who I am--
complete opposites
Taking advantage of each others sickness,
Playing each others fantasy.
We are not real,
We are perfect--
You give me what I want
And I play along,
Your dirty culprit.
I've said it in the past
And I'll say it again now, 
-there's nothing wrong with happiness.

A.M