Masquerade

Call me a fool,
But I find Rejection inspiring to the soul.
It is the bittersweet medicine 
Healing me from who I am,
Creating who I want to be
And the desire to soar out of here
And fly back home
And live by the ocean 
Under coconut trees and beautiful women. 

My friends once told me that
Interest shows weakness,
And It's better to be unhappy 
And proud than to express your desires.

So one should withhold their emotions 
And grow miserable? One should
live in a cage made by their own hands?

Some have said,
Life is a game of charades
That only your friends play,
Where you stand guessing,
Helping, waiting to play,
 angry,
Waiting your turn,
Your chance,
But it never comes. 

My Dad always told me to live,
To travel, to read, to taste new foods.
He gives me lectures and we read together,
But It's hard to impress a hard working man
with multiple degrees in things you have no clue in. 

But today he'll be impressed,
Today I'll live more than ever,
Today I'll play,
Play on my own,
Today I'll win,
Win alone.
I'll cut the strings tied to misery. 
I won't care anymore
About doing things I don't have to
To impress those who don't love me.
Today I'm going to step outside my box
And walk toward the noise calling my heart. 

Today I'll leave my pride behind
And express my love for the world,
Today I won't masquerade,
I'll feel everything naturally. 
Today I'll cry for caring,
I'll weep for another's pain, 
I'll feel everything naturally,
Today I won't masquerade.

 I'll let the torment spread
From my core to the smallest nerves,
Today I'll let life swallow me whole. 

Today I'll dance and sing and love
And love again and love again
And love again

A.M

Back to Black

I’m back, back to when we first met,
Back to dropping everything to see you
Every chance I’d get. I’m here, alone,
You haven’t been here for some time now.

I use to think I was mad,
Now I know I simply love you.
People usually think it’s cute
When a girl feels the way I do about you.

But I’m a woman who knows better
Than to desire one who won’t have her,
And though I wish I had magic powers,
My love doesn’t charm, doesn’t overpower.

My love isn’t angry, my love isn’t jealous,
My love won’t force two people together.
But my love will always be enough
To keep you feeling loved for the rest of your life.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here,
Maybe I should have taken that job,
But I remember being thousands of miles away
And still feeling the way I do today.

This distance kills me little by little.
We’re far in thought, we’re far in heart,
We’re far in time, we’re far in mind,
Though your body is only a few miles from mine.

I’m back to the place we last met,
I’m back to the first night we ever had,
I’m back to dreaming of seeing you again-
To desiring the warmth of your skin on my skin.

I’m back to dreaming of getting lost in your eyes,
Of looking deep and finding myself inside.
I’m back and risking the chance
You’ll never be where I am.

There isn’t much I can do,
I’m not a part of you,
And maybe, just maybe, that’s why I can’t quit,
Loving you is the most stubborn thing I ever did.

I’m back, black and blue for you.
I’m back to black for I can’t stop loving you.
I’m back for loving is my talent, hobby and career,
I’m back for you, lover of nothing, won’t you let me love you?

A.M

Invisible

All the tears he squeezed out of his eyes
Have brought no conclusion,
It seems his misfortune is his own choosing.
The more he desires the less he has ,
In his heart he lives and wanders lost.

He cannot see inside his soul,
Where only his lover has been,
The place containing his mystery,
The purpose of his mistakes,
The conclusion to the lessons,
The answers desired to heal.
Everything he wants and needs
Lays inside a place he can`t reach.

Life won`t grant him entrance,
He has not earned the privilege
To reduce his penance,
He hasn`t been bestowed vision
To see ahead of time.

You wish you could see,
But you can`t,
You can`t see it,
You can`t reach it,
The open wound,
The space needing filling,
The sensuous vulnerability,
The surrender of ego.

There deep inside,
Where only your lover can see,
Your naked soul,
Your reflection in a mirror.
All the answers you seek
There deep inside yourself.

In that place you sealed shut,
For fear of anyone seeing,
The messy place you keep,
The place you won`t assume
For fear of what is in it,
The place you pretend not to have
Because you`re ashamed of the mess.

A place to be conquered,
Captivated,
Pleased,
A place to be Loved.
The place where we blindly meet
To fly inside each others heart.

So he writes,
In case his soul speaks to him,
He writes back to his dreams.
And if all fails he remains hopeful
For he knows he can see through his queen.
Tonight he'll enter his soul while in hers,
Again, to fill the place he can`t reach
With things he does not possess.

A.M