Morrendo

Sempre morrendo... 

de vontade de te tocar e não poder te ver, de querer te ouvir e não encontrar sua voz, de desejar seu corpo esparramado sobre mim e não te ter por perto.... 

morrendo de raiva por ter ciúmes, de solidão por te ignorar, de ingratidão por esquecer como me faz bem, de ignorância por não querer pedir perdão...

morrendo de paz ao segurar sua mão, de beleza quando seus cabelos dourados acariciam meu rosto, de encanto quando seus olhos azul turquesa brilham em me ver, de riqueza por te chamar de meu...

morrendo de tantos desejos ainda não realizados, de momentos perfeitos dentro de corações quebrados, de loucura por não saber ser melhor...sempre morrendo para poder viver ao seu lado. 

Amanda Miranda 

You and Nothing Else

To believe you can be the dream the campaigns are selling, to aspire to be like the marketing illustrations, to attempt to live the beautiful illusion, to turn yourself into

 beautiful lies...

or to accept the beautiful lies as they are and to go on creating beautiful moments in sp ite of the barren garden of deception around you. 

To recognize and understand the empty dreams being sold, to create your own dreams, to find a little space inside your heart and begin to cultivate...

to expose your soul to light, to plant seeds of love, to bloom fully from the inside out, to be the peace that's missing in the dreams being sold, to be the love that's lacking in the beautiful lies being told, to be your dream realized, to be authentic, original, blessed, loved, to be as you are and nothing more. 

A.M

Artists

Our physical, emotional and spiritual expressions are inspiring and necessary evolutionary tools. 

My talent comes with a side of torment, for it can be difficult to understand or balance so many visual feelings. 

To have such an intense memory of events while some do not can be alienating, to remember details others might never see because they weren't "there" in that moment with you can be confusing. 

We wonder if we're mad for vividly remembering, for feeling memories, for desiring to express touching details, we question our sanity for fantasizing and dreaming and investing so much into visions. 

We wonder because for us these visions, these intense details inspire creation, these visions inspire our thoughts, emotions and decision to share with others. 

Many times the muse does not know, see or remember us, sometimes even if they are part of our reality or moments which inspired us they might not remember us, themselves or the experience in the fashion which we have painted them or the experience.

This can be called a "sleeping muse", when the reality of the events are only real to the writer, when the person in subject does not relate to the experience as it is depicted by the artist. 

Nonetheless we should still express ourselves, we should still create no matter what our mind is telling us. For example, when our thoughts are saying, "don't be foolish, it's all in your head", "don't express that for it's only real in your mind". 

Well, those thoughts could be true and there's nothing wrong with them being true. For these events are taking place in our heads, our mind, and even if these thoughts are delusions they are our thoughts and it is our life that is affected when we hold things in or are too afraid to explore what's going on inside ourselves. 

If we are here to grow and evolve then we should attempt to understand what is going on in our mind, this can help us comprehend why we like or dislike whatever it is that we like or dislike. Knowledge of self can help us distinguish underlying causes of negative behavior patterns.

And perhaps this knowledge can even help us experience brilliant moments which we never might have because we had some sort of unresolved trauma blocking our vision of potential enlightening experiences. 

Seeing what you're thinking and feeling through artistic expressions such as words, music, pictures, etc., may help your evolvement. It doesn't matter if what you feel is only true or attempting to be real in your reality. 

Imagination is phenomenal, it expands our reality. It can also stretch us out, spread us thin in ways that can be difficult to cope with. Some fantasies are so pleasing that it can be hard to let go of, and some people will let go completely and live in fantasies. 

This has its ups and downs, but who is to say what is right or wrong. If someone wants to believe they are a cat and live as such who am I to say "hey, you're wasting your life by not living as a man as well", for what is it to live as man anyway. 

But I have come to understand that for me to remain in and invest thoughts and feelings in certain fantasies can be emotionally exasperating. It's nice to want physical things and work towards them or to love and adore someone, but to consume yourself with achieving certain materials or to breathe someone in and out all day long is consuming to other parts of ourselves that also need expression. 

Some do encourage us to dream and imagine all possibilities, to explore every feeling, to know ourselves completely and exceed limits placed on our minds by our own self. But to entertain, expand and share thoughts soaked with intense feelings is an emotionally straining task and requires balance. 

We all have a talent for expression which can be cultivated in many different ways. Each individual can create their own way to express their dreams, fantasies and realities. 

Our limitlessness is evident in the way each of us create our lives, our style, appearance, personality, voice, attitude, detailed characteristics, defining thoughts, complex emotions, particular accents, etc. The way each of us see, feel and experience life is different, this unique phenomenon, the creation of being is each individual's own creation. 

My talent is my vision and my vision is a reflection of my being, and so is yours.

A.M

Mais

 Que o futuro nos traga Paz interior, alegria espiritual, amor incondicional. Que conquistemos tudo que merecemos com trabalho, dedicação, perseverança. 

Vamos lutar por nossos sonhos, que a chama que queima dentro de nossos corações nunca se apague, que nossa alma continue brilhante. 

Que venha beleza, que nossos pés nos leve a montanhas altas e prosperas, que nossa amizade cresça com nossos esforços. 

Quero sempre um peito cheio de calor, uma paixão queimando a alma, um amor que venha de dentro para fora, uma beleza que se vê com a alma. 

Que possamos sempre nos amar mais. 

A.M

Who's hurting you?

Nothing that resides within you can be taken without consent. So no one stole your heart, they didn't hurt your self esteem, how could they have reached inside your chest and manipulated your feelings? 

There's nobody else, there's only you projecting the images you see and the feelings you feel. You make it stay, you take it away, you will it. 

The virtue of peace is that it is an action in every step in every path through every passageway. As love is a verb and time and dreams don't always agree. 

A.M

Silent Desires

I keep it to myself 

What I truly desire 

What I want to feel 

I keep it to myself 

I see you looking

You show yourself 

We snuggle in dreams 

And I chase you here 

I write cause you don't 

Though I've asked you 

It's never a good time 

So I keep it to myself 

This isn't a sad prose

Desire doesn't hurt 

It makes my heart full 

And I keep it to myself 

A.M

Love? Really?

Make sure you're not saying I love when they buy you something, that you don't just say these words in your mind when you see an attractive picture of them or when others are starring endearingly at them. 

Make sure the thought of how much you love them also comes up when you remember the last argument you had, think about the last time they pissed you off, the last kind words they said to you.

Remember the last time they hurt your feelings and what they did about it. So when you say I love you you're sure you really do love another completely and fully with your entire being. 

A.M

Collision

Two worlds crashing 

One life ending to begin again 

We come clothed in niceness 

Begging for acceptance 

Preparing ourselves for another 

Opening our heart to receive 

We forget we are two 

One heart misunderstood 

One mind with unique views 

He says, "come, my perfect angel"

She says, "where are we going" 

I push my belly against his 

He tells me he wants more 

It's ok, it's ok to disagree 

Some days your back is all I see 

We fight for more time 

We argue over what to eat 

It's ok, it's ok to disagree 

My anger disintegrates 

When your blue eyes speak 

A.M

Let

Let yourself want

Let yourself ask 

Let yourself enjoy 

Tomorrow Today

I lie next to you and miss you

I miss you while you sleep 

I never knew I could miss 

Someone who's next to me 

I'm counting down the time 

In a few hours 5am will be here 

I work at 9 but can't fall asleep 

Your alarm will go off at 4:15am 

I put my lips on your shoulder 

And miss you

I rest my head on your chest 

And miss you 

I look into your warm eyes 

And miss you 

Miss you before you leave

Miss you while you sleep 

Miss you tomorrow today 

A.M

His

Resting on his bed all night 

Making love in the morning 

Laying on his couch all day

Watching popular tv shows 

Eating his parents applesauce  

I think I'll wait for him to return 

His blood is in everything here 

Even the shadows and ghosts 

I tell them how much I love him

He told me he hears the ghosts 

I think that's why we love together 

Yesterday we made a steak dinner 

We fought at the grocery store 

Over nothing, always over nothing 

Well he takes forever to choose 

We grilled two NY strip steaks 

We cooked most things together 

Bacon macaroni and cheese

Peppers, corn, green beans 

It was a very successful diner

We sat together and smoked 

And made love for eternities 

We're headed down the shore 

We're driving to a shore house 

We'll be there for two nights 

I'm sad because no dogs allowed 

But I'm excited to see the ocean 

To feel the ocean together with him 

A.M

Loss

Incredible how we can deeply grieve the loss of something we never had, or how we can feel a tremendous void after something we passionately desired leave our lives after a short period of time. Amazing how one dream can extend into eternities and expand to fill our entire being, to a point that when it doesn't manifest into reality we grieve as if a part of us died, well, sometimes a part of us does die. Still, the vision, the perspective, the possibilities presented through dreaming are always worth the pain. I'm grateful for possibilities and the lessons that come with loss. 

A.M

Scarred and Scared

My lips say I'm ok to fly alone

My heart screams hold my hand 

I sit and stare at his beautiful face

I try to forget how much I love him  

My mind says I'm ready for the end 

Tears of abandonment choke me 

I want to leave and go cry alone 

The thought of being without him 

The idea of chasing the same love He says he's been happier without

Without the pressure to please me

Without the feeling of failing me  

My hearts bleeds my soul cries 

How can it be that you're leaving 

But he's not going anywhere now 

He just wanted to let me know 

I'm not the only one with weapons 

He too can end this and finish us 

I've threatened to leave many times 

And each time I did it wounded him 

And tonight he showed me the scar 

A.M 

Being Nothing

I stopped wanting to be things when I realized that every choice I made and every title I claimed drove me further away from other choices I also dreamed of making.

In trying to live without letting things and titles define me I find that my greatest strength to display is mental. For it is, after all, the driving force behind every cell in my body. 

A.M

Me

I see myself in your smile, 

In the intensity of your eyes, 

We're so different yet the same, You melt into me, I get lost in you, 

Thriving in dire situations,

A blanket of magic draping us, 

The sweet and sinful euphoria, 

The synchronicity that takes place,

To create our delicious world.

A.M 

 

Skin

when they smell like newborn skin, 

and you lie breathing them in, 

praying the moment goes on indefinitely, 

and all you feel is gratitude, 

when you can taste touch,  

love passes and stretches,

from tongue to lips to brain, 

love travels from finger tips to bone,

washing your soul skin in rose water,

nourishing the body like first milk.

we lay uncomfortably for love’s pleasure,

pressing our bodies on each other’s limbs,

cutting blood circulation for sweet embraces, 

I reach in my heart and squeeze the anxiety,  

with you I wish to be present and tender,

sometimes I lie my head beside you and watch, 

your breath, the sweat collecting on your chest,

sneaking random kisses through the night,

your heart, a beautifully orchestrated show of lights,

in your eyes, in your arms, in your life, anew paradise

A.M

1/9/17

Fight for Love

I hate fighting with you. 

But everybody fights. 

You need to learn how to fight. 

I'm not the enemy. 

I'm just annoying. 

You're very annoying too. 

You know, these fights are a waste. 

A waste of time and emotion. 

When I'm doing something annoying you have to love me in-spite of how you feel at that moment.

You have to think about me; put me first and say to yourself "this isn't worth being mad about, who cares what anyone thinks, let's just be together and have a good time, fuck everything else."

 A.M

Fights

Sometimes we fight

I start fighting about the past 

He'll feel blamed and withdraw

And we don't get anywhere 

We fight a lot, like every week

I'm mad at him about something 

I used to go days without talking

But now it's hard to go a whole day

We're in a fight right now, of course

I reached out a few hours after

He hasn't responded to my calls 

Im not apologizing and reaching out

Because I think I'm wrong 

I'm reaching out because I love him 

I'm reaching out because I love him

 

A.M

Wild

We run a little wild 

You know skinny dipping 

Inside rainbows of pleasure 

A colorful mix of stubbornness 

How do we survive our own egos 

We do not, the ego kills creativity 

There are a million solutions 

Remember what you do best 

Always go back to what you love 

If I died tonight would I be content?

I'd be sad I wouldn't get to live 

I want to learn more about me 

So I keep threading the storms 

I'm owning up to my mistakes 

I'm not perfect but I'm kind 

I'm mean but I'm compassionate 

I love you and it's hard to hurt you 

A.M

Minds

Our minds travel from heaven to hell everyday.

Somehow within this arduous journey we find time to hold another hand.

Everything that can go wrong goes wrong.

At the end of each journey we find ourselves standing outside each other's body. 

We wonder why but no logical reason justifies the fate that brings us here. 

So we label it, we call it something beautiful. 

To justify the addiction, to excuse the weakness, to explain the softness, to describe the euphoria.

On days when our manifestation doesn't reflect beauty we proceed to hurt and destroy it. 

Spending more time in hell than we have to, wasting energy we could be spending in heaven. 

For there to be beauty there must be ugliness.

For me to be perfect something else must be imperfect. 

In order to live in your heaven I must walk through your hell.

A.M

Runaway

The ones who don't know my name say it's in my face, 

I always laugh and tell them no way,

But then I remember and give it away,

Full of reasons for why I can't stay,

I specialize in picking up strays, 

To see them well and see them off,

They come wounded and hurt my soul, 

But who am I to choose a better half, 

I come from a burnt palace where I played with ashes, 

Who am I to demand happiness,

I raised myself in a sea of longing swimming deeply with abandon,

Who am I to be treated fair,

They say I'm too far gone drowning in a pool of my own emotions where goodbye is always around the corner. 

A.M 

Morrendo

Sempre morrendo... 

de vontade de te tocar e não poder te ver, de querer te ouvir e não encontrar sua voz, de desejar seu corpo esparramado sobre mim e não te ter por perto.... 

morrendo de raiva por ter ciúmes, de solidão por te ignorar, de ingratidão por esquecer como me faz bem, de ignorância por não querer pedir perdão...

morrendo de paz ao segurar sua mão, de beleza quando seus cabelos dourados acariciam meu rosto, de encanto quando seus olhos azul turquesa brilham em me ver, de riqueza por te chamar de meu...

morrendo de tantos desejos ainda não realizados, de momentos perfeitos dentro de corações quebrados, de loucura por não saber ser melhor...sempre morrendo para poder viver ao seu lado. 

Amanda Miranda 

Lily Soul

His heart held up in his ribs by two white wings, 

Angels singing inside his chest, 

In each heartbeat a dose of the sweetest aphrodisiac mixed with a sweet cup of chamomile, 

Long silken strands of golden hair cover his fair cheeks, his perspiring skin glimmers as moonstone, my fingers reach to touch but my arm pulls back my hand to stop me from waking him,

His pores let out an imbuing fragrance, releasing the sweetest dew, impregnating my sheets with the scent of white lilies in the spring, 

Peace permeates my soul, I lay awake next to the boy looking up at the heavens, I peek at the stars outside my window, I ask for more time in this dream world, grateful for another day amongst the living. 

A.M 

Mine

Love....honestly, after claiming it, screaming it, dying to share it, wishing it gone, it's discomforting to claim to have it once more.

But I can claim warmth, stillness, presence, softness, peacefulness, respect, beauty, integrity, strength.

I can scream about the pleasure I feel when your hand grazes my skin, or when I open my eyes and you're looking right into my temple, I can claim the magic you stirred. 

I can tell you about dying in a bed of skin, of sharing more than flesh and wanting to remain connected when our bodies feel glued together. 

Sharing a glance, a smile, a kiss, sharing a bed, a pet, a meal, walking alongside you not knowing where we're going but knowing we're headed there together, 

sharing laughs, so many laughs, and always talking about the things we can do together. 

I claim each kiss you wish to share with me, every call you make when you're working just to hear me breathing on the line, I claim the high adventures I see you on with me.

And every second you long to be close, I claim those, and each feeling I inspire in your heart, I claim them, the tenderness shared in your embraces, that's mine too, every sincere gesture you've made, each kiss you gave, mine. 

A.M

A little death

Stars shoot out of his cyan eyes illuminating my life,

In every smile there's a cathartic purity of spirit,

And he tells me to leave the concrete roads,

Says there's a place in the woods awaiting us,

I hold his hand and walk beyond my leg's comfort,

I'm tired but I don't stop, I'm thirsty but I don't drink,

We walk and make jokes to numb our burning shins,

His sneakers are too tight and his toes are aching,

But he tells me he'll walk with me till the sun rises, 

We stay the course stopping only for kisses and pictures,

I take his hand and guide him towards the boat houses,

I sit down on the dock in the midst of a flock of geese,

He says he's not sitting on bird poo, I giggle endearingly,

He takes my hand, pulls me up, takes me up the ramp,

We stand for a moment and then he forces me down,

He pushes my body onto the slope and lays between me,

My body opens like a blooming flower in the spring, 

He places his hands on my cheeks and kisses my lips, 

My thoughts take me back to when I was seventeen,

A frightened and eager virgin longing for ecstasy, 

His lips touch the most sensitive parts of my skin,

And there outside on the dock my dream comes to life,

I tilt my head back and look up at the stars in the sky, 

I thank whichever deity granted me such passion, 

My eyes scan the trees and paths and grass behind us, 

I pull my head up and look across the river, not a soul, 

Only light surrounding us lifting my hips off the floor,

Only water before us, trees behind us and stars above us, 

In those wild moments I felt our bodies synching into one, 

Our hips coming together, our hands wildly pulling the other,

Skin to skin, hip to hip, neck to neck, lip to lip, I died, 

Surrendering my body, I died a million little deaths,

He grabbed my chest, turned my neck and gave me breath, 

He laid me on my belly and softy kissed the back of my thighs, 

He pulled me back by my legs and I died, I died, until he stood up and pulled me down from the sky.

A.M

Nine

For a long time, for many years I prayed for emotional freedom, for being emotionally free to me meant being rid of attachment to certain beliefs and desires. 

I felt tied down to a person no matter where I traveled to or who I grew to love, I felt like a prisoner and every life decision I made was based on whether it would bring me closer or further away from this person.

I blindly, desperately, sadly believed they would wake up one day and see me, see me for everything I thought I was, see me as this person they simply had to be with. And so I waited and waited through many seasons. 

I sabotaged my life, I did everything I could possibly think of to bring me close to this person. If I won a million dollars I would have given it to them, for I placed their happiness and well being above mine. I justified my actions by telling myself that I was doing it for love, doing it for the purpose of giving and sharing or to completely rid myself of feeling, for some days I wanted these feelings out of my heart as much as I wanted this person to be in my life at other times. 

I tried running away from these emotions many times, I tried fulfilling my need to share this relentless love and live these taunting fantasies, I tried realizing these desires with other beings, and the more I tried the more I bled. I forcefully tried to move on by falling in love again, and in the process I hurt and confused souls who at the time wanted to be with me though I was not ready. 

One day, about five years ago, I decided to stop, stop trying, stop resisting. I kept on waiting, I didn't stop loving, I remained in contact, and though I avoided relationships I never stopped asking for a chance to be loved and to love someone who could and would want to be with me. 

I don't know when it happened but it happened, my heart was washed clean of these obsessive feelings, the beliefs melted away, the attachments broke apart, the taunting memories became simply memories without depressing feelings attached to them. 

The wound where I had grown and cultivated that helpless and scared love closed. I don't know when it happened but I give credit to certain souls and situations for helping me heal. There were many catalysts in my story, I'm just not entirely sure which roles each one played in the cleansing of my heart.

Today my heart is light, when I think of that soul their picture appears in my mind, I see them as an almost transparent hologram and there's no feeling attached to them, only a thought of who they once meant to me. Sad heart breaking songs don't move me anymore, in fact they bore me because it's like a broken record to me, I've lived through it and made it out clean. 

I'm not jaded or bored, in fact I'm very interested in loving, there just isn't any sadness or insecurity attached to the love I desire, there's no preconceived idea of how or who I should love, there's only the desire to share myself and maybe a little fear that it will be short lived for it often is. 

Through this journey I learned that one of the worse ways you can betray someone is to lay with them while you're desiring another, that to try to replace a soul or fill your heart to the brim with another in the hopes that it will push out your feelings for another is utter stupidity. 

I learned that there was nothing to push out, there was no ghost haunting me, no soul trapping me, there was only me against myself, my character, my morals, my wounds, my fears, my insecurity, my obsession, my anxiety, my allowance, my acceptance, my love, my dreams, my heart and the way I chose to treat it. 

I can treat my heart like a computer that's programmed to follow a command and let it run in the same direction without maintenance until it crashes or I can treat it like its human flesh, I can respect it as a living being, I can see my heart as myself, I can give it free will and guidance and use it to enrich and empower, to feel and inspire, to heal myself and others.

I'm writing this for the people who think they'll never move on for I didn't think I would either, but I did. I don't know how I did it, I never foresaw myself here in this state in this time, but I made it and everyone else can too. I wish I could tell you how I did it, I wish I could list the steps, but I did so much and took so many paths that I'm not yet sure what worked. What I can say is that after I stopped resisting I felt at peace more often. But honestly my only advice is follow your heart, your heart knows the way to healing. It's you against you and no one else can save you from yourself. 

A.M

Supera

Vou superando a vontade de voçê

Supero te ver feliz por outros lados 

Com meu coração cheio de vontade 

Um corpo para mãos apaixonadas 

Eu me sento e te espero mais um pouco

Sensasão que esta sonhando comigo 

Confeitando meu corpo com desejos 

Eu tirei um dia e fui andar pela sua rua 

Eu vi pernas correndo a sua volta 

Cada riso que dava meu coração parava 

La do lado de fora em frente a sua casa 

Elas chamavão seu nome em voz alta 

Sua mão entrando dentro das calças

Apertando a cintura da mocinha gozava 

Não guardo nada nem dor nem magoa 

Levo um menino lindo sorrindo ao meu lado

A.M 

McMemory

I look inside my heart and there you are

You sit charmingly on my best memories 

I carry you in my happiest expression 

I feel your wet skin between my fingers

I find you inside every pleasure taken 

Alone in the dark I feed you to my dreams 

When death comes your poems will shine 

And I hope someone tells them that you

You're the one who stopped the longing  

Everything we made is caged in my heart 

I taste pieces of you in every strange kiss 

But there's no shadow pursuing my body 

Gone is the ghost that haunted my heart 

Legs grew longer since hugging your body 

Eyes are wider and vision reaches farther 

I love and accept the reality that created us 

I was a fantasy you checked off your list 

And you gave me the passion I came here to live. 

A.M

McChange

I felt his entire being inside me, conquering untouched spaces, filling empty places, pushing out idle visitors, carving out rotten memories, vanishing old ghosts and creating new marks and dents and ripples. 

In a primitive physical way, in a anti emotional way, in a non-intentional spiritual way, he dressed my infected wounds, poured his life force into me, creating the necessary antibodies I needed to kill the diseases eating me. 

He emptied and replenished, erased and renewed, dirtied and cleansed, he reset me, setting a new standard, giving me a new beginning with greater heights to climb to. 

A.M

McFluid

The arms on his clock turn fast, but time stopped when our bodies met. 

He likes to dance in warm light, so we waltzed and kissed till my legs got tired.

Sweat poured from his head, I caressed his wet hair, his abs were drenched, washing my belly with his scent. 

His energy within, his life force all over me, the intensity of a wild horse galloping inside me. No thoughts, no definition; pure physical vitality. 

I am earth, orbiting in space and rooted to its core, welcoming, nourishing, fruitful, in need of hydration, desiring reparation. I adapt, I destroy, I evolve. 

He is water, cleansing, enriching; he is rivers finding his way artistically; he is oceans, imaginative, flowing freely; he is wild waves crashing bodies; he is clear blue lakes, transparent and fluid.  

My skin remembers, his fingers, his tongue, the moments of perfect awareness, the moaning, the biting, the feverish pleasure of touching and being touched.

I turn on the cold water in the shower and imagine my body submerged in blue lakes, I touch my bare skin and remember wild rivers running between me. 

I want to bathe under tall waterfalls, to feel cool pulsating water beating down on my skin. I dream of swimming in oceans and letting waves crash my body. 

The arms on his clock turn fast, he's further away in the future. 

I dream he's dancing and flowing freely, cleansing and enriching, intertwined between long earthy stems, pleased and pleasing. 

A.M

McStand

I get out of the elevator and put my heart in my purse,

I quietly knock then turn the door knob, 

The door is left strategically open for me,

I carry my anxious body inside, 

He excitedly meets me at his bedroom door,

There's sunshine in his eyes,

He arches his yellow eyebrows and shares a happy smile,

I can see most of his skin except for the parts covered by his briefs,

I sit on the couch and he lays back on his bed, 

And we proceeded to catch up,

I answer his thoughtful questions with my encased heart and carefully scan his strawberry lips, 

Light reflects off his golden chest,

There's a warm glow around his face,

I admire his graceful demeanor and fitting beauty,

My eyes become highlighters contouring his features,

He says come over here,

We argue over who should come over to whom and I let him win,

And the rest is not as good as the first time I rode up his elevator and pushed the already open door open,

The rest was slower and faster and personal, as we laid in our nakedness and talked about our lives and serial habits and childhood insecurities, 

The rest removed our masks and mysteriousness,

The rest was an exchange of truth as we became known to the other,

And after I got dressed and placed my heart back in my chest he put his sunglasses on, he hid the sunshine and cordially said to me "It was nice seeing you again". 

A.M

McPretty

And he kissed me with his pretty face and lips and tongue, and he touched me with his pretty hands and fingers and finger tips, and he pressed his long torso against mine and began to cleanse. 

My skin remembers his slippery tongue, the unpredictable nibbles on my lips, his traveling fingers, the moments of perfect awareness, the loud moaning sounds, the feverish pleasure of touching and being touched.

His burning skin, his ardent energy, his exuding pores, his sticky sweat, his dripping wet hair soaking my face, caressing and wetting my skin, his glistening abs rubbing against my belly and washing me with his scent. 

I felt his entire being inside me, conquering untouched spaces, filling empty places, pushing out idle visitors, filling me, emptying me, washing out old ghosts and creating new marks and dents and ripples.

And I learned that he was water, leading the way, traveling fluidly; rivers paving paths; ocean waves crashing bodies; clear blue lakes, transparent and deep.

His vibrant grasp, his energy flowing into me, the intensity of an Arabian horse galloping inside me, his life force all over me. 

I turn on the cold water in the shower, lean my back against the tiled wall, and with my arms suspended above my head I envision tall waterfalls pouring over my breasts. 

I picture his yellow head between my legs, his wet hair brushing against my thighs, his eager tongue racing up my belly, his hands firmly squeezing my cheeks, his mouth around my nipple, suckling, arousing, exciting both our sexes. 

I turn my face against the shower wall and feel his hard body pushing against my back, his fingers between my legs, his hips grinding against me, his hand running over my mouth, his teeth biting down on my skin.

I envision wild rivers running between me, soaking my senses, cleansing my spirit, I imagine myself swimming in oceans and letting wild waves crash my body. 

I dream of him waltzing away, exploring the infinite spectrum of motion, cleansing and enriching, intertwined between long earthy stems, pleased and pleasing. 

A.M

Clichê

Somos um perigoso clichê, 

Mais é real o que compartilhei, 

Paro no tempo, me seguro, 

Para sentir a luz do seu sorriso, 

Para ouvir sua voz de menino, 

Você me beija e eu esqueço, 

Sua pura e insegura mocidade, 

Nossos leves encontros casuais, 

Nossos velhos hábitos ilegais, 

Seus beijos espontâneos, 

No meio de um filme engraçado,

Numa pista de dança abraçados,

Dentro do meu carro suados,

Sua mão sempre na minha, 

Você querendo beijar, 

Nossa pele coladinha,

Seu carinho faz meu corpo te chamar, 

Quando a saudade bater, 

Novamente, não vou abrir, 

Te espero aqui, dono da saudade, 

Vem a mim, traga a chave, 

Te espero mais sem resistir o encontro, 

Você é todos eles juntos, 

Seus olhos, meu céu, nuvens flutuando, 

Dois oceanos me olhando, azul moleque, 

Seu corpo um arco-íris me chamando para brincar, 

Não importa o que sou, aonde vou, 

Sou sua quando a hora chegar. 

A.M

8/18/15

Poetry

Poetry is lust for life, 

expression of life, 

of joy, of love, 

poetry is confirmation of existence, 

of beauty, of consciousness, 

poetry is soul speaking, 

an awakened consciousness, 

poetry is vivid observation, 

a heart on fire, a spirit in flames, 

poetry isn't judgment, it isn't criticism, poetry is depiction, 

image, scenery, description, 

it is vision, pure feeling, 

poetry is listening, watching, 

playing, in emotion, 

in beauty, 

poetry is declaration, affirmation, poetry is claiming life, love, being, 

poetry is exploring, navigating, flourishing, growing, cultivating, living, 

poetry is soul potential, 

it's inspiration from muses and angels, 

poetry is consciousness guiding you, 

it's divine thought transference, 

poetry isn't a rhyming verse, a stanza, a dramatic story, poetry is raw, it is passionate, potent, 

poetry is experience echoing back at you,

Poetry is You.

A.M

Express Yourself

Our physical, emotional and spiritual expressions are inspiring and necessary evolutionary tools. 

My talent comes with a side of torment, for it can be difficult to understand or balance so many visual feelings. 

To have such an intense memory of events while some do not can be alienating, to remember details others might never see because they weren't "there" in that moment with you can be confusing. 

We wonder if we're mad for vividly remembering, for feeling memories, for desiring to express touching details, we question our sanity for fantasizing and dreaming and investing so much into visions. 

We wonder because for us these visions, these intense details inspire creation, these visions inspire our thoughts, emotions and decision to share with others. 

Many times the muse does not know, see or remember us, sometimes even if they are part of our reality or moments which inspired us they might not remember us, themselves or the experience in the fashion which we have painted them or the experience.

This can be called a "sleeping muse", when the reality of the events are only real to the creator, when the other being in subject does not relate to the experience as it is depicted by the artist. 

Nonetheless we should still express ourselves, we should still create no matter what our mind is telling us. For example, when our thoughts are saying, "don't be foolish, it's all in your head", "don't express that for it's only real in your mind". 

Well, those thoughts could be true and there's nothing wrong with them being true. For these events are taking place in our heads, our mind, and even if these thoughts are delusions they are our thoughts and it is our life that is affected when we hold things in or are too afraid to explore what's going on inside ourselves. 

If we are here to grow and evolve then we should attempt to understand what is going on in our mind, this can help us comprehend why we like or dislike whatever it is that we like or dislike. Knowledge of self can help us distinguish underlying causes of negative behavior patterns.

And perhaps this knowledge can even help us experience brilliant moments which we never might have because we had some sort of unresolved trauma blocking our vision of potential enlightening experiences. 

Seeing what you're thinking and feeling through artistic expressions such as words, music, pictures, etc., may help your evolvement. It doesn't matter if what you feel is only true or attempting to be real in your reality. 

Imagination is phenomenal, it expands our reality. It can also stretch us out, spread us thin in ways that can be difficult to cope with. Some fantasies are so pleasing that it can be hard to let go of, and some people will dive into them completely and live in fantasies. 

This has its ups and downs, but who is to say what is right or wrong. If someone wants to believe they are a cat and live as such who am I to say "hey, you're wasting your life by not living as a man as well", for what is it to live as man anyway. 

But I have come to understand that for me to remain in and invest thoughts and feelings in certain fantasies can be emotionally exasperating. It's nice to want physical things and work towards them or to love and adore someone, but to consume yourself with achieving certain materials or to breathe someone in and out all day long is consuming to other parts of ourselves that also need expression. 

Some do encourage us to dream and imagine all possibilities, to explore every feeling, to know ourselves completely and exceed limits placed on our minds by our own self. But to entertain, expand and share thoughts soaked with intense feelings is an emotionally straining task and requires balance. 

We all have a talent for expression which can be cultivated in many different ways. Each individual can create their own way to express their dreams, fantasies and realities. 

Our limitlessness is evident in the way each of us create our lives, our style, appearance, personality, voice, attitude, detailed characteristics, defining thoughts, complex emotions, particular accents, etc. The way each of us see, feel and experience life is different, this unique phenomenon, the creation of being is each individual's own creation. 

My talent is my vision and my vision is a reflection of my being, and so is yours. Express yourself. 

A.M

McDream

His burning skin sizzling as though it were the coat of a stallion running wild in the desert sun,

His exuding pores releasing mouths full of cooling dew immersing my flaming skin in his scent, 

His dripping wet hair rubbing against my flushed cheeks, his sticky sweat arousing me,

His glistening abs grinding against my soft belly, sparking light, spinning bolts of fire,

His life force within me, the intensity of an Arabian horse galloping inside me,

Riding through untouched places, expelling idle visitors, creating new marks and dents and ripples,

And I learned that he was water, transparent and fluid; rivers carving paths; streams meeting seas; ocean waves crashing bodies.

II

My skin remembers his probing fingers, his fiery tongue tasting my petal's sweetness, 

The ardent fever induced by my passionate kisses, the loud pleasure filled sighs released through our open mouths,

The risks taken to enable experience,  the heights climbed to taste each other's essence. 

III

I turn on the cold water in the shower, lean my back against the tiled wall and with my arms suspended above my head I envision tall waterfalls pouring over my breasts,

I close my eyes and touch my bare skin, I dream of rushing rivers running between me, filling my body, soaking my senses, cleansing my spirit,

 

I see myself swimming in oceans, floating on water, letting wild waves crash my body,

I see him traveling fluidly, exploring the spectrum of elements; flooding my earth, inhaling fire, swaying wind; 

Intertwined between long earthy stems, pleased and pleasing. 

A.M